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Who is in Control?

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As a woman that loves to plan, I often try to keep things orderly and functioning well.  I like my planner, my pen, and my paper.  And although I haven’t always been this way, I do my best to plan everything out.  That plan is subject to change because I am married with four children, and really, because I am a human being, living in this world.  Yet, still there are times where I am thrown completely off because of my desire for predictability and order.  

If I can be honest with you, this has to do with my desire to control situations, so that things aren’t thrown off-balance and I’m not flung into a situation that I didn’t expect or feel that I can’t handle.  Again, I haven’t always been this way, but in trying to be a woman of wisdom, I have desired to think through situations and plan how I am going to handle them.  My plan would be perfect if I set in some high authoritative place, like God, but I’m not Him.  I am merely a woman, clothed in flesh and living my life the best way that I can.

I have always had big dreams and this year, I took the plunge in to two of them.  

  1. Writing a book
  2. Starting a business

Coupled together with life, I have found myself in a place of frustration because, well, we don’t live in a box.  Although I set deadlines, things happen.  For instance, I hurt my back and could not do all of the things that I wanted to do physically, so I had to rely on my family.  They were very helpful and I am blessed to have them.  Needless to say, my schedule was thrown off.  I attempted to pull and push my way out of my physical limitations and, as it should be assumed, it took a toll on me emotionally.  

I planned and structured events and business deals, but all parties just did not have the same schedule as I had.  If I were to put it in the simplest way possible, my desire for perfection, was only that, a desire.  Perfection was not going to, nor is it ever going to happen.  

Ok.

Let me stop here for a second.  I think you and I need to allow this statement to just sink in.  

Perfection is never going to happen.

Our desire for perfection and control, literally sends our spirit out into a realm of frenzy because we were never meant to be perfect or in control of everything.  We were placed in this world with the Spirit of the Living God to lead us and guide us throughout our lives.  He is here to help us maneuver through the situations, ins and outs of life.  No matter how much we try to take the steering wheel, its not our place to be in total control.  

Think on this. 

When life is busy and we want to be…., we have a tendency to try to attempt to take the reins from God. We attempt to control life. We don’t do it purposely, but when we do this, hurry up and go “thing,” we are trying to take our lives out of the hands of God. He’s the one who makes this whole world function and yet, somewhere in our minds, we believe that we can do it better. No matter how sincere or humble we are, we have all done it at one point and time in our lives. Believe it or not, we do it again and again. Then we wonder why we are stressed.

We wonder why things don’t seem to be going right.

Where did the problems come from?

Taking our lives out of the hands of God, not following His will, trying life our own way…that’s where the frustration comes in. And no matter how giant or small of a moment it has been that we have found ourselves in this place, we have to come back.

We have to ask Him to forgive us. We have to push forward in His will, listening to His Spirit, and seeking His face. That’s it!

When we do this, with a sincere heart, laying it all before Him, He takes the reigns and fixes our lives, orders our steps, and makes life beautiful again.

That’s what the KING of the world does. He rules and reigns. He orders and fixes our hearts and our lives.

In short…maybe not so short…

Our desires send us out of whack.  The world is only doing what it does normally.  It is functioning chaotically and we are striving for it to have some sort of order.  Yet, in this process we forget that we are not all-powerful.  Perfectionism is not really an accurate picture of any human being on this earth.  It is simply and ideal.  And we all love ideals.  

Control is not really all that we perceive it to be.  It is simply that a perception.  We aren’t in control.

Yep!  I said it…

We aren’t in control.

Whether reactive or proactive, we are not in control.  It isn’t until we step into the will of God.  Taking our rightful place in His plan, using the power that has been given to us by God, through Christ, in pray and in faithful deed, that we are in control…with Him.

Faithful deed…

Not fearful actions.  We have to be living and walking in faith when we proclaim that this and that will be, expecting that it will be. 

Now…let’s do this.  

Let’s check ourselves with the word of God and see where we stand.  Let this be our continual endeavor…to be in right standing with God.

Please take a moment to read Psalm 19 below and the watch the video at the end of this post. 

The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork.
Day unto day utters speech,
And night unto night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech nor language
Where their voice is not heard.
Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their words to the end of the world.

In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun,
Which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
And rejoices like a strong man to run its race.
Its rising is from one end of heaven,
And its circuit to the other end;
And there is nothing hidden from its heat.

The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can understand his errors?
Cleanse me from secret faults.
Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;
Let them not have dominion over me.
Then I shall be blameless,
And I shall be innocent of great transgression.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

 

 I pray that you have been blessed by this and I look forward to hearing any thoughts that you have on control.  Has this spoken to you at all?  Do you find yourself in this place, ever? How do you handle it?  Do you handle it at all? 
 
Be blessed. 🙂 

The Importance of Being Authentic

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Be authentic…

Does that spark any thoughts in you mind?

Well, It is 2am and I am sitting in my bed typing this.  I wanted to make sure that I discussed it while it was fresh on my mind.

We all have a message.

We all have influence.

 

Some of us feel that we are less heard than others, so we begin to reach out for a bigger platform that will afford us the opportunity to get out message out to a larger audience.  Yet, many times, we never stop to think about when we will be satisfied with the size or magnitude of our platform.  When will you be satisfied with the size of your audience?

Have you realize that your message has the power to change someone’s life?

If you focus on the size of your audience, you may never say what you need to say to change the life of that one person.  Yes, one person matters.

Will you be happy if your message changes 500,000, 100,000, or 5,000 lives? How about 500?  What about 100?  What if your message reached 50 people and their lives were changed?  What if you message reached 5 people?  Would you be happy that those 5 people were always attentively listening to your message?  What if the message that you shared changed the lives of those 5 and then they, in turn, had an impact on their sphere of the  world?

Ironically, my family has 5 of the members, besides myself, in it.  Years ago, I told the Lord that I wanted to change the world…He gave me my family.  My role as a wife and mother has become the most important role in my life outside of being a child of God.  I have come to realize that nothing else can be placed above these two God-given roles.

Now although I am a wife and mother, I am also a writer.  I have come to learn that I must know my audience.  When I am talking to my family, they are my audience.  My message is for them.  However, when I am writing, my message is for a specific, God-given audience.

I believe that we have to understand and appreciate the fact that God has given all of us an audience.  Whatever it is that you do, you sphere of influence is God-given.  You don’t have to change your message in order to attract your audience.  Share the message that God gave you and watch those within your sphere of influence; receive a major impact in the way that God ordained.

Stop focusing on the numbers.  Stop thinking that no one is listening.  Those are all distractions.

When you are at home cooking dinner for you family, the message is clear…you care for them.  They hear you say, “You are worth of my time.”

When you take the time to help your children with homework or to, simply, hug them…you are sharing your message.  They hear you say, “I love you.  You are valuable to me.”

When you listen to your husband talk about his day…you’re listening.  He hears you say, “You are interesting and your story matters.”

If you are a blogger, like me, and you take the time to share a message with your audience…you are investing.  They hear you say, “Your life matters and I am honored to share my message with you.”

We all have to realize that our message is bigger than ourselves.  Whether the listener responds in a way that communicates what we are expecting or not, we have to understand the potential for our message to reach their hearts and to inspire them.

The numbers don’t matter.

I understand the statistic.  “If you have a larger number of people in your audience, the greater amount of people who might hear your message.” Yet, you are focusing on the numbers, not the message.

Let me give you a different statistic.  If you have a larger number of people in your audience, the greater number of people who may possibly encounter your message, but they might not be listening.  Yet, if you focus on the quality of your message and know your audience, regardless of the numbers, someone will most likely listen and be greatly impacted.

What I am trying to tell you is that focusing on the numbers causes us not to be authentic because we are willing to do whatever is necessary to get our numbers up.  We become blinded by the numbers and unable to see all of the people who God has placed in our lives, who are actually listening.

However, when we focus in on the quality of the message and share what God has placed in our hearts, the lives that He has foreordained, are changed…

Don’t change your message to make people listen.  Share your real message and the people who are supposed to hear it, will listen.

All of this is a choice.  Just give it a thought and be authentic…

The Little Things

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The Little Things…

Thankful In the Little Things

Over the past 13 ½ years, I have gone from working mom, to student, and then to stay at home mom and back to student/SAHM again.  When I look at the standard that the world sets, I realize am supposed to be able to do it all and still live a healthy life as a wife and mother.  However, I have found this to be a task that I have not successfully achieved in all of my adult life, to the degree that I desire.

When I attempt to tackle too much, I find that I am overwhelmed by the daily tasks and expectations that are set before me.  I want to be, both, a great wife and a great mother, but when working hard at achieving these two goals and then trying to juggle a full-time job, it seems that I end up dropping the ball and despising one aspect of my life.

For that very reason, I decided to give up the 9-5 for a while.  I decided to  focus on my education, which will afford me the opportunity do work a more flexible schedule while doing what I love.  In the mean time I focus on being thankful for the little things.

What little things? You ask…

  1. I am thankful for the conflicts that my husband and I have.  They remind me that I am in a healthy relationship where my spouse is willing to challenge me.  He helps to sharpen me like iron and he makes me better.  I am married.
  2. I am thankful for the mandate that I have to balance my roles as mother and wife with other roles that I have. They remind me of how important it is to me to be a mother and a wife.  These challenges show me that somethings will come up against my most important human relationships, but resilience and reevaluation are the keys to getting things back in line. I am a wife and a mother.
  3. I am thankful for the mounds of laundry that I tend to have. We have six people in our family and those mounds of laundry remind me that God has blessed us with tons of clothes and choices of what to wear. We have clothes to wear.
  4. I am thankful for the dishes in my sink. I have to take the time to wash them, either by hand or by dishwasher, but they remind me that we have all eaten and do so daily. We have food to eat.
  5. I am thankful for the toys to pick up off of the floor. They remind me that God has blessed us with an income to provide for our children’s pleasure.  They get to play with things that they enjoy. We have a steady income and material things to enjoy.
  6. I am thankful for the time that I have to manage wisely. As a stay at home mom, I have a certain amount of time that I have to manage in order to be productive, while my family is away at school and work.  This could feel overwhelming at times, but it is a blessing to have that time to decide what I would like to take care of and how I would like to do it.  I am still alive and can manage my time.
  7. I am thankful that I have to tell my kids to stop running around the house or being so loud. I grew up as an only child in my house, so I having four children actively running around and playing are things that I had to get used to.  However, their noise is a very pleasant reminder that they are healthy and adventurous.  Their noise and lively activities remind me that I have been blessed with children and I am thankful.  I have children and they are healthy.
  8. I am also thankful for the school work that I have to complete and the books that I have to read. They are reminders of the fact that I am receiving an education that will prepare me of various opportunities in life.  I have the opportunity to be educated and make the best out of life.  I have a sound mind.

I have a long list of things that I could discuss, but I think you get the jest of what I’m saying.  It is very hard to forget our blessings, especially when some of our struggles come from those very places.  We could all take a look at the things that we complain about and realize that they are simply a blessing that we must learn how to manage.  I hope that you have found this post encouraging.

Do you have various areas of your life, where you tend to complain, but after reading this post, realize that you have more to be thankful for than to complain about?  If so share them with us.

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Reflecting and Preparing

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Have you ever had a situation in life that you did not want to deal with?

Maybe you felt like you could just wait it out and time would bring a solution…

Let me be the first to say that I know that feeling.

I’ve dealt with somethings in the past few years that I, honestly, considered burying deep within my heart and a secret treasure box somewhere.

Yet, I found that the more I considered not dealing with it, the more it changed me.

Now this wasn’t a single occurrence. It was something that happened a few different times in various situations.  As it happened, I kept wondering how I was supposed to handle the problem.

What I found was that I had to deal with it. I had to take the time to allow myself to feel the emotions. Those feelings became the beginning of my process.

From there, I had to talk with someone I trusted. This was someone who I knew would not only listen, but also pray for me and encourage me along the way.  I had to begin to reflect on my life so that I could grow and change.

Reflecting

Reflecting, not simply on the occurrences of the past, but also on the situations that had transpired within me. I had to bring myself to a place where I knew how the things that were said and done affected me.

This process of reflecting was not an easy one. There were times, during reflection, where I wanted to avoid the pain of remembering what happened. For the memories seemed to harvest the feeling that caused me such great pain.

Although I did not want to go through the process, I knew that I would have such great freedom after I did.

Cast your cares on God, for he cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7

One of the reasons why reflecting and self-reflection are so important is that you cannot cast upon God, what you do not know exists.

See, when we give our concerns, fears, anxieties, heartaches, and heartbreak to God, He will take care of them. However, when we do not know or refuse to identify the cares that are driving us crazy, we also choose to hold on to the cares. We decide that we are more powerful alone and don’t need God to solve the problem.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.  ~Psalm 55:22

If you can see this clearly, reflecting is a tool of freedom. Without it, we are unable to see primary aspects of ourselves, needed for liberty.  Without seeing those areas, we cannot submit our selves to God so that He can free us.  Our hearts have to go through the reflection process in order to begin preparing for what is next.

Preparing

After reflecting on the situation and coming to terms with the emotions, thoughts, and feelings that have been experienced, it is imperative that we begin to prepare ourselves for freedom.

Freedom is a choice.

That statement is the first one that we must accept as we prepare ourselves for liberty.  See, we can each choose to be prideful, stubborn, hard-hearted, impatient, and fearful. No one will stop us from feeling this way.

Honestly, it is our right to feel anyway that we desire.

However, if I am to move forward on my journey of healing and freedom, I must choose to be humble, tender-hearted, patient, willing, and full of courage. You have to make the same choice if you want freedom.

Freedom will also require us to forgive others.   Although it is very hard, each of these choices will unlock the door to our future and prepare us to walk in the place God calls us to.

Now I started this conversation with you by asking if you had ever found yourself in a situation that you didn’t want to deal with. My question for you now is, do you think you are a little better equipped to deal with it, after reading this?

I hope your answer is yes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found it helpful.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please share them with me in the comments section.

When It Seems Easier To Pretend

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There is a saying that goes something like this, “when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade…”  Have you ever heard of it?  I’m sure that you have.

That sounds like a great saying, but have you ever wondered what is going on between the receiving of the lemons and the making of the lemonade?  Well I have.

I have wondered what the person is thinking and feeling. I have also wondered when it becomes clear that it is time to make some lemonade.

While dealing with these thoughts, it may be hard to focus on the good, to wait for things to get better, or to even know how to feel.  At times like this, I think it might seem easier to pretend.

Upset and frustrated, I have often looked at a situation without knowing what to do or how I was supposed to feel.

Naturally, I am an optimist.  Still there are times when I cannot see the bright side and I feel lost. It is at these times that I start to wonder if it would just be easier to pretend that I am not going through anything at all.

Have you ever felt like that?

Pretending means that you get to ignore the situation.  You don’t have to talk about it, think about it, or acknowledge anything is happening at all.  However, this does not magically stop us from feeling the stress and emotions of the situation.  In fact, I think it would make it worse.

By pretending, we would be telling ourselves that the situation did not occur the way that it did.  We would also be denying ourselves the right to feel the way we do about what occurred.  Denying ourselves of our emotions is not wise because acknowledging our feelings allows us to process situations.  Processing the situations, stimulates growth in our lives.

There have been many times when I have wanted to stop thinking about a situation.  I have wished that it never happened.  I have also tried to ignore my feelings about it all.  The result is…well ugly.

When I have tried this in the past, I have become very nonchalant and emotionless about various aspects of my life.  It is as if ignoring the situation allowed a totally different process to start in my life…I became cold and despondent.

Generally, that is not me.  I care, I feel, I wonder.  Yet, ignoring situations and my feelings about situations change me.

When I allow myself to see the situation, no matter how painful, I feel the emotions attached to it;  when I feel those emotions, I process them.  In processing them, I begin to learn from the situation.  Learning from situations offers wisdom and helps me to trust in God.

I used to ask why God would allow me to go through somethings.  I could not see with my eyes, why He would, in all of His infinite wisdom, allow me to endure such situations.  It wasn’t until I read Romans 5:3-5

“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

I realized that the tribulations, no matter how big or small, make me better.  They encourage me to a place of being better and hoping in God more.

Now do you see why it is never good to pretend.  We don’t have to treat others badly and act in a way that is unbecoming, but we should recognize the tribulation and allow the process of feeling, becoming, and overcoming to take place in our lives.

Today, I want to encourage you, as I have been encouraged myself.  We have been given some lemons and it’s time to make some lemonade.

Sometimes, you may not know how to feel, what to think, or how to act, but continue to trust God.  He knew what would happen and He has something great prepared for you in the end.  Recognize how the tribulation produces perseverance in you.  Take note of how the perseverance produces character in you.  Understand how the character produces hope in you.  When it is all said and done, look back and see how you are better and the hope that you have in God has not failed you.  Remember that it never will.

I hope you have found this helpful and that you will remember these things.

When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade…

Until next time…don’t pretend and be blessed.

Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

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Now, I am going to say that this will not be an easy pill to swallow.

Not just for you, but for me too.

Don't be so hard on yourself

This morning as my husband was leaving the house, he kissed my youngest daughter and told her that she was beautiful.  Then he leaned over and gave me a kiss.  He looked at me and told me that I was beautiful too.

With all of my stinky morning breath, crusty eyes, and messed up hair, I said “Not right now, I’m not.”  In response to my awkward response to his affectionate and loving words, in which I had rejected myself and him, to a degree, he said… “Yes, you are!  You’re my wife.”

Ok…wait!  Did you get that?! Or did you miss it?!

He not only disregarded what I had said, but he also took it and turned it around by implying that because I am his wife, I am beautiful.

After he left, I read a devotional that illustrated how often we take the time to treat strangers and those that we don’t really know, very well.  Yet, we fail to treat ourselves and, sometimes, the ones we love, with that same kindness.

Normally I would have told a friend or someone who I didn’t know, that they should not be so hard on themselves. Yet I was doing it.

So I took some time to think about this.

How does the way that I treat myself affect my relationships with others and more importantly, my relationship with God?

There are enough people and ads out there that tell me that I am not beautiful, too dark, my hair isn’t straight enough.  They say that I’m not smart enough, not tall enough, short enough, bold enough.  They say that I’m too feminine and too masculine.  They tell me that I need to be more independent, but that I’m not dependent enough.  You know…I smile too much, but don’t smile enough.  How about this one?  I’ve been told that I am too organized, but not organized enough.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that I should listen to these voices.  They don’t seem too sure of the standard.

Then there is me…I am really hard on myself.  I often hold myself to a very high standard.  In many ways, I deal with perfectionism.  We all know that I will never be perfect, in this life.  In all actuality, I am aiming to be pleasing to God, but that ends up translating into trying too hard.  I keep trying to do what is right in His eyes, but I hear the voices of people. I hear them rejecting my application.  I hear them telling me that now is not the time and I’m not it.

My heart believes that He loves me and that I am accepted, but this head of mine…its always fighting with my heart.  Telling me that I am not special and most often, I am not wanted.

With all of this, I think I hear God saying that I am not good enough and He is not pleased…

But wait!!! That’s not the truth.

He never said that.  That’s not even His character.

Much like my husband, He looks at me, in all of my mess.  He has said “You are beautiful. You are mine.” (see Isaiah 43:1)

He has said that his kindness would not depart from me; that he would have mercy on me, and that his covenant of peace would not be removed from me. (See Isaiah 54:10)

He has created me as I am supposed to be and he loves me. He will never leave me.

He has said the same thing to you.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at what the Bible says.

1 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
3You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
7Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me;
12Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
15My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.
19Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20For they speak against You wickedly; Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
24And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
~Psalm 139

Are you able to see it?  Have you realized why it is important not to be so hard on yourself?  Meeting the expectations of the world is impossible because they don’t know what they want.  The world is tossed in every which way depending on the culture climate.  However, our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  The woman who He created you to be is the woman that He wants you to be.  He gave you that hair, that skin, that smile, those teeth and all of your qualities.  He has said that He would never leave us or forsake us. (see Joshua 1:9)

He has created us and in rejecting ourselves, we, in turn, reject Him.  We are made in His image and with His love.  He made us in a way that is magnificent and pleasing to Himself.  All He wants is our love, obedience, and worship.

This in itself is another post, but let me leave you with this.  If you don’t love God with all of your heart, another god will sit on the throne of your heart and you will love it.  If you don’t obey God, you will submit to another authority and obey it.  If you don’t worship God, you will find something else to worship.

So, what am I getting at?

All of those other things, that will attempt to take the place of God and desire you, will never ever do what God has done for you.  They have never taken the time to piece you together and they will never love you.  They are not totally dedicated to seeing you at your best…only God can, has, and will do those things.  He sent Jesus Christ to die for your sins and to wipe your slate clean.

Have you ever lied?

Have you ever stolen something?

Have you ever used the Lord’s name in vain?

Have you ever looked at a man with lust in your heart?

Have you ever been jealous of what someone else had and wanted it?

Before Jesus, we were all liars, adulterers, and covetous thieves at heart.  There was nothing left for us but to try hard and burn in eternal damnation away from God.  Yet, Love paid the ultimate price and has now given us a chance to have life more abundantly here on earth…no more trying, just be who He has called you to be and walk with Him.  You are also now able to have eternal life.

If you don’t already know Jesus Christ as your  Lord and Savior, please take a moment, in your heart to speak with the One true and living God.  Accept His free gift of salvation, repent of your sins, and make Him the Lord of your life.

I can’t promise you that there won’t be days when you wake up feeling like I did.  I can’t promise you that you won’t or that the world won’t be so hard on you, but I can tell you that you don’t have to be.  I can tell you that God is there at the door and He wants to walk with you through your roughest times.  This applies to you whether you have known the Lord for years or are just meeting Him.

My prayer for you today is that you would have peace in Him.

Have a great day and be blessed.