pain

What to do when you want a painful spiritual wound removed

August 18, 2017 By Mrs. Mom 2 Comments

I hope that you are having a good week. I’ve been thinking about you and your experiences. Not only have I been thinking about your experiences, but I’ve also been thinking about the effect that your experiences have had on you.

I’ve had some of my own…well, truthfully, my life has been jammed packed with experiences that left me spiritually wounded. At every step of the way, I had to pull through or else, I’d be numb to life and dead spiritually, maybe even naturally too.

When I’ve spoken to women in the past about how I have overcome, they often tell me that they think I’m strong, different, and somehow more blessed than they are. They believe that this is the reason why I have overcome as I have. Well, I beg to differ.

We all have God-given mechanisms

I mentioned, previously, that there are mechanisms built into us, as humans, by God, that cause us to heal and survive. The thing about this is that those mechanisms are only activated when necessary. If you have lived a life where you didn’t need to heal and survive on a constant basis, this process is new for your life’s ecosystem. You have to begin healing from every new injury, as they come. This is especially true of spiritual wounds, but even more so of wounds that transcend across the natural and spiritual boundary.

Recently, it has been made clear to the public that professional football players that have sustained head injuries for long periods, since childhood, have a layer of tissue that develops around their brain, as a protective mechanism. Because they have sustained numerous concussions, their brain is attempting to prepare for the lifestyle that they live, by developing a cushion. Although this is how the brain is attempting to protect itself, it also ends up causing a bit of brain damage, which is why we see football players involved in so many situations where they should have used better judgement. However, there may be a lack of ability to do so because of the current structure of their brain. Many doctors have overlooked their injuries, unaware of the trauma that was occurring during each and every football game.

Dealing with emotional hurts

When I was growing up, as an only child, I dealt with certain emotional hurts that caused me to develop ways of surviving. My mother was a single parent and, although I saw my father, I dealt with feeling rejected many times because of his absence from my home. There is more to this story, but what I want you to understand is that when you live with an injury, your brain, body, and spirit attempt to develop ways of making you immune to the injury. It develops cushions that buff the fall, so that the next time that you are injured, the pain isn’t so bad. That being said, that cushion can sometimes have a side effect.

For me, I was an emotional child. I wasn’t sure how to handle the things that were coming at me and causing me pain. I couldn’t figure out why everyone else had their father in the home, but I didn’t. Why did my mother and I experience such friction in our relationship. I understood that they both loved me, but as a child, I was an emotional wreck. I longed to just be happy, like all of my other friends, but no matter how hard I tried, I was hurt.

As I grew up and began to develop relationships with people outside of my home, I learned that all relationships are not traumatizing. I learned to trust and love, in spite of my fear, but I was still emotional. My wounds just kept opening up. I don’t know how I kept myself from crying in front of my friends, but on the inside, I was a mess. Then once my husband and I got married, my emotions were so jumbled up and confused. I had to figure out how to maintain my emotions and allow my heart to heal.

I really did not want to go through the process, but it was unavoidable. You can’t escape your healing process and make it out alive. You have to choose to heal in order to heal effectively.

As I started going through the process of healing, there were times when my pain was simply unbearable. I got to the point where I could literally feel the emotional pain in my chest, like a physical pain. I didn’t want to go through the process, but I really wanted to heal. I wanted to stop crying. I wanted to stop being afraid that I was not truly loved.

I dove in to fictional books, trying to run away from my problems and found that the problems where there too, they just had solutions of how they could be fixed. Every morning, I’d get up before my husband and my son. I’d go in to a room and give my heart to God. I’d sit down with my journal and discuss everything that was happening within me. With every stroke of the pen, I gave my problem, my pain, and my worries to the Lord. As I wrote, I began to process the injuries. I read my bible in search of the answers and day by day, I was healed a little bit more.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I now know that I was seeking God for strength.

How brokenness can prepare you for healing

Living broken, prepared me for a lifetime of healing. Some women don’t understand this because they didn’t grow up broken. Maybe you are one of those women. Maybe your brokenness happened when you hit a certain age and traumatized you. Maybe you were hurt at a young age, but blocked out the pain.

I think that’s the thing that you have to understand though, you can’t just decide that you aren’t going to feel the pain. Not feeling the pain tells your body that there is no need for healing. When you do that, the signals aren’t sent for the healing process to begin.

I couldn’t escape my pain. I almost always felt it. In some ways, my pain taught me that love is real, but so is pain, and we all feel it, but when we choose to feel and process it, we can overcome it.

Those women that tell me that I am somehow different, more blessed, stronger than they are have not walked with me through my weakest moments. They have not felt what I felt as I tried to stay alive emotionally. They have not known the need that I have had to stay alive daily as the words of another human being attempted to destroy me daily. Feeling rejected caused me to crave love and I knew, somehow that I could not survive without it.

I did not escape my process of healing because it was God-given. It was what kept me alive as I grew and matured. It was also what allowed me to see the pain of others and have compassion on them.

Why did I say all of this?

Well, as I was thinking about the next phase of this healing journey, I realized that there are going to be some of you, maybe even you, specifically, that will attempt to run out on the process. You might be thinking that you don’t need to do all of this. You might feel that you can just take steps 2 and on because all of this other stuff is just excessive and unnecessary.

I need you to understand that it’s not unnecessary, it is imperative to your well-being. You have to choose to go through the process. As you journal and think about what you experienced, you have to journal about the pain. Identifying what you experienced, will allow you to properly evaluate your needs.

Now, I’m not a doctor. I’m a woman who has been through some experiences that I’ve learned from. God has also brought me multiple women that have needed to heal and I’ve helped them through this process. Everyone’s process is different, you have to choose to follow God through the process.

When you understand how you feel and think about the things that I mentioned in my last post, then you can move on to the next step.

My childhood pain allowed me to be stronger as a woman, wife, and mother. Without my experiences, I believe that I would be a different woman. However, those experiences alone were not what made me who I am. I had to trust God, go through the process, and allow myself to heal. There are somethings that I’ve had to let go of. Yet there are others, that I have had to decided to give myself time to process .

So, ask yourself a few questions today, right now. Do you really want to heal? Are you willing to go through the process of healing? How bad could the pain really be? Do you believe that God is bigger that your pain? Do you believe that He is capable of healing you?

If you answer is yes, please make a committment to yourself and to the Lord to go through the healing the process. Decide that you are not going to avoid doing what is necessary to be healed.

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Taking another step towards healing

If you found this post helpful, preorder my second book. It’s all about finding strength in God. I will be available on kindle version at the end of this month. Soon after, it will be available in paperback version.

Do you have a spiritual wound that won’t seem to go away?

May 16, 2017 By Mrs. Mom 2 Comments

As a mom of four, I’ve seen quite a few booboos. We have to keep a box of band aids in the house because my children are always getting injured in one way or another. They come to me when they get hurt, feeling like the world is over and, nine times out of ten, I’m able to tell them that it’s ok. They don’t always believe me initially, but I just tell them again that they got hurt and it’s going to be alright.

My thought process

When I think about this as a parent, especially a parent of four, I know that this is just apart of growing. When learning a new skill, like riding a bike, in order to get better at it, children fall. They scrape their knees and end up needing hugs, band-aids, and pep talks in order to calm their nerves, ease their pain and try again.

Little lessons like these, combined with my own growing pains have caused me to realize that we are no different. We grow and as we learn new skills, mature in life, and learn to be better, we get a few booboos along the way.

Be here’s the thing, some wounds are deeper than others. Some require more care than others and more bandages to protect from infection.

Small reminders

Not only do I have to remind my children not to pick at their wounds, I have to make sure to keep the wound clean and covered. On top of this necessary and obvious care needed for my children’s wounds, I have to remind them that no matter where we are in the process, the wound is healing. It has to, that’s how we were made. With the proper care and time, that scrape will get better because it wasn’t a fatal injury.

See the way that God built our bodies was to give us protective layers and barriers that make sure our inner parts, the more necessary ones, are not harmed. These are the parts that keep us alive, breathing, eating, and moving. When we are hurt by falling and scuffing up our knees, our skin begins to heal, but our minds remember the event and learns from it. We begin to process that being off-balance on a bike leads to falling. Touching a hot stove leads to being burned. Touching an aggressive dog leads to being bitten or snapped at. These lessons prepare us for bigger tasks and allow us to remember that although there are great things we want to experience, we should use our skills, use wisdom, and proceed with caution.

That’s what happens with the little scrapes and bumps that our children get. It’s also what happens when we are growing in life and growing spiritually.

The Timing of the Wound

We have all encountered situations that have caused us pain. Something has happened to us or we had an experience that opened a wound. Normally, these wounds, no matter their situation, came at some pivotal point in our lives. They came when we were at a certain season of life and began to progress through that season.

It could have been a spiritual, emotional, relational, or physical experience. No matter what it was, these experience have an effect on us spiritually, whether we know it or not.

Prayer for healing in the process

Now, I know that you knew we were going to discuss something that would make you a bit less comfortable than normal and we are, but first, let’s pray.

Father, we love you. We come to you humbly Lord, first and foremost asking you to forgive us for sins that we have committed, both knowingly and unknowingly. Give us peace, Lord. We desire wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. We ask you to provide what we need to explore this topic without fear, because You’re perfect love casts out all fear. Help us to grow and see that the wounds are not the end, but instead a part of the process. Open our hearts and give us what we need to live this life to the fullest. Help us to heal from both spiritual and emotional wounds that we have experienced. Cause our broken hearts to be reminded that you do not despise us, but instead you love us. Wrap us in your arms of love and bring healing to our wounded souls in the mighty name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

The process of healing

When you think about your wound, I want to ask yourself a few questions. When the wound was first opened, did you take the time to assess the damage? I ask this because it is very important. Remember when I was talking about my children, I mentioned scrapes and bruises that were not fatal.

Did you clean the wound and cover it with the proper dressing or band-aid? Did you make sure to go back occasionally, clean it up, and redress the bandage?

If you are honest, in most cases, the answer is no. We get hurt and we normally do one or two things immediately. We cry, cover it up, and either never go back on the spiritual bike again out of fear, or we try to push past the obstacle to master the challenge. There’s a problem with this though.

Wounds that are not well cared for can get infected, seep deeper into our bodies, and never completely heal. Remember, the way that we are built. There is a mechanism to overcome built within us by God. Whether we want to or not, we are always in the process of healing. The problem comes in when we don’t properly care for the wound. It can leave a residue, develop puss, and a stench. It can become more that a growing pain because of a lack of care.

Do you have wounds that just won’t seem to heal?

At this point, I am going to assume that the answer is yes.

I want to help you heal, but first there are a few things that we have to do.

We have to clean the wound up, by taking and thinking about what happened. That’s how you begin to assess the situation, determine the type of damage that could have been done, and decide how to treat the wound.

Second we have to find the proper tools to assist you in the healing process. We have to gather all of the tools that are needed for the type of wound that you have. There are big bandages and small ones. They all work, but we have to find the one that you need.

Third, we have to properly dress the wound and you can’t pick at it. If you do, it could open back up.

I want to remind you that all wounds have the potential to leave a scar, but that’s a different post. Just don’t be alarmed if you end up with a scar from this wound. It’s not always a bad thing. I actually think it’s a good reminder that you’re healed and have made it out of a painful situation that wasn’t tough enough to kill you.

What’s next?

For now, here’s what I want you to do. Take a moment to think and journal about this wound that you have. Ponder some to the things below

What is a natural wound that you have? Perhaps you fell and scraped your knee as a kid. Write about what happened. Give the details of the incident. Do you remember how it happened? Do you remember how it was cared for? If so, describe it. What lesson did you learn from this or where were you in the learning process? Finally realize that the wound did heal because you are still alive and breathing.

Now for the spiritual wound.

What happened? You have to take sometime to really think and journal about this. You can’t avoid this process. It’s apart of accessing the damage that was done to you.
Write about the immediate care that was given to the treatment of the wound. What did you do after it happened to take care of yourself? Did someone else attempt to help you care for it? What type if pain did you experience? What type of discomfort are you still experiencing from the wound?
Did the wound get infected? Why isn’t it healing? Did that experience cause something else to happen in you? Did you develop bitterness, jealousy, anger, or something else? Be honest with yourself about this. It doesn’t do you any good to cover it up, if it isn’t cleaned up.
How bad do you want this wound to heal? Talk about what it did to you in the past and what it would mean for you to be healed. What type of fear have you experienced? What has it kept you from doing? Has it tormented you or kept you in bondage? What type of freedom would you experience, if this wound were to finally heal?

Think journal and pray about this. Then comeback. I want to take you though the next step in this process, but this is the first step and one of the hardest, thinking about it.

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Leave me a comment sharing your thoughts with me or send me a message telling me how this post impacted you. Would you like to see more topics like these?

Also, if you found this post helpful, consider purchasing my book. In it, I discuss some of the things I’ve been though and how I’ve healed from them. It wasn’t easy to write, but I did it for you, so consider purchasing it. It’s available on kindle and in paperback.

I’m also in the process of writing my new book. Tell me what you would like to or need to read about. What types of topics would you like to see me discuss and find most helpful?

Be encouraged and make sure to do the work. You’ll be surprised at the results the you get.

On Matters of the Heart: The One Who Hurts

August 17, 2016 By Mrs. Mom 3 Comments

Last time that we discussed hurt, we took a look at the person who is hurt. We looked at what needs to be done in order to move forward from a place of being hurt. We discussed boundaries and the need for wise Counsel, as you are moving from the place of being hurt and offended to being free and forgiving.

Today, I want to take a look and the other side of that hurt coin. The one who hurts.

Now, if you have experienced being hurt and have not, whether you tried to or not, dealt with it in the proper manner, the pain of the hurt was able to seep into our heart. If this happened you allowed bitterness and anger to become wedged within the chambers of your heart. If this is true, you may have found that your actions, words, and even your thoughts have begun to change.

The truth is that we are all, in many ways, a product of our environment. The things, situations, and people that interact with us on a daily basis or even on an occurrence, have an opportunity to plant seed in to our hearts that can quickly take root. I believe that this is why God tells us in His word to guard our hearts with all diligence, (Proverbs 4:23) for out of it flows the issues of life. He didn’t say that out of it will flow all of the great dreams of our lives. No, He said that our issues would come out of our hearts.

Not only will our issues come our of our hearts, but if there is goodness within us that will come out. Yet, if there is evil within us, that will come out too. When we are dealing with or have buried pain from hurtful situations, issues… they will also come out of our mouths.

For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

If you take a moment to think about it, it is not only our actions that hurt people, but it is often our words, as well. We speak damaging words to other people, without even realizing that what we have said has the capacity to destroy them, in many ways. If we were to view things from God’s eyes, we would see that our tongues are swords, cutting others on the way in and on the way out. Leave it to a heart that is hurting and the target will not only be broken, but demolished. If you can recognize yourself in these words, I want to tell you that you are not alone. It is just a sign that you are hurt.

Why?

Well, you’ve heard this before, but it’s really true. Hurt people, hurt people.

They do it unknowingly, most of the time. It starts with the pain that is within them and needs to be let go of, but because of unforgiveness, the hurt turns in to a weapon. In many ways, the hurt person is simply trying to protect herself from other forms of hurt, without realizing that the chosen weapon of protection is not a shield, but a sword. This is when problems arise.

If you have found yourself in this place, let me tell you that you don’t have to stay here. Perhaps you have been hurting people, unawares. Maybe you aren’t even to the place of hurting people yet. You are just thinking thoughts, that if they came out of your mouth or would be acted upon, would hurt someone. If this is you, please, please keep reading.

The first thing to do is to declare that you will be honest with yourself and with God, no matter what you find out about yourself.

The second thing to do is to ask for forgiveness. You are asking forgiveness for hurting others. Next, forgive. Forgive yourself and the person/people that hurt you. You may have to go back to the situation and think about what happened. You may have to journal it and hash it out, but you need to get to the root of your problem, so that forgiveness can happen. Finally, you have to commit to renewing your mind and being a doer of the word.

God wants to bring about a change in your life, but He will not force His goodness upon your life, if you are not interested in having it. When you are a person that hurts others, you know that it comes from your past. It comes from your own brokenness. It comes from fear. It comes from desiring control. You have to be willing to let these things go in order to be set free.

If you are reading this, and don’t quite understand this position, God bless you. However, I honestly believe that we have all been in a place like this, at one point in out lives or another. Maybe you could not recognize it, when in it. Maybe you did. We are all different, but I truly believe that we are all similar in this. None of us, really want to remain in this place.

So, what’s next?

Well, I suggest that you pray.

Pray for the person that hurt you and pray for yourself.(Luke 6:28)
Trust God to fight your battles.(Romans 12:19)
Renew your mind daily. (Romans 12:2)
Practice what you read and don’t just read it.(James 1:22)

If you do this things, you will move from the place that you are in now, to the place where you desire to be, free from the pain and free to love.

Reflecting and Preparing

September 28, 2015 By Mrs. Mom 4 Comments

Have you ever had a situation in life that you did not want to deal with?

Maybe you felt like you could just wait it out and time would bring a solution…

Let me be the first to say that I know that feeling.

I’ve dealt with somethings in the past few years that I, honestly, considered burying deep within my heart and a secret treasure box somewhere.

Yet, I found that the more I considered not dealing with it, the more it changed me.

Now this wasn’t a single occurrence. It was something that happened a few different times in various situations. As it happened, I kept wondering how I was supposed to handle the problem.

What I found was that I had to deal with it. I had to take the time to allow myself to feel the emotions. Those feelings became the beginning of my process.

From there, I had to talk with someone I trusted. This was someone who I knew would not only listen, but also pray for me and encourage me along the way. I had to begin to reflect on my life so that I could grow and change.

Reflecting

Reflecting, not simply on the occurrences of the past, but also on the situations that had transpired within me. I had to bring myself to a place where I knew how the things that were said and done affected me.

This process of reflecting was not an easy one. There were times, during reflection, where I wanted to avoid the pain of remembering what happened. For the memories seemed to harvest the feeling that caused me such great pain.

Although I did not want to go through the process, I knew that I would have such great freedom after I did.

Cast your cares on God, for he cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7

One of the reasons why reflecting and self-reflection are so important is that you cannot cast upon God, what you do not know exists.

See, when we give our concerns, fears, anxieties, heartaches, and heartbreak to God, He will take care of them. However, when we do not know or refuse to identify the cares that are driving us crazy, we also choose to hold on to the cares. We decide that we are more powerful alone and don’t need God to solve the problem.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. ~Psalm 55:22

If you can see this clearly, reflecting is a tool of freedom. Without it, we are unable to see primary aspects of ourselves, needed for liberty. Without seeing those areas, we cannot submit our selves to God so that He can free us. Our hearts have to go through the reflection process in order to begin preparing for what is next.

Preparing

After reflecting on the situation and coming to terms with the emotions, thoughts, and feelings that have been experienced, it is imperative that we begin to prepare ourselves for freedom.

Freedom is a choice.

That statement is the first one that we must accept as we prepare ourselves for liberty. See, we can each choose to be prideful, stubborn, hard-hearted, impatient, and fearful. No one will stop us from feeling this way.

Honestly, it is our right to feel anyway that we desire.

However, if I am to move forward on my journey of healing and freedom, I must choose to be humble, tender-hearted, patient, willing, and full of courage. You have to make the same choice if you want freedom.

Freedom will also require us to forgive others. Although it is very hard, each of these choices will unlock the door to our future and prepare us to walk in the place God calls us to.

Now I started this conversation with you by asking if you had ever found yourself in a situation that you didn’t want to deal with. My question for you now is, do you think you are a little better equipped to deal with it, after reading this?

I hope your answer is yes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found it helpful.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please share them with me in the comments section.

The Good, The Bad…The Dentist Part 3

April 10, 2013 By Mrs. Mom Leave a Comment

I thought the endodontist had finished the job, but it turned out that I had to return to my dentist to get the crown put on my tooth.

Oh! Don’t get confused. This would not be my last visit regarding this tooth either…

As I sat in the chair, I wondered what type of work had to be done in order for the tooth to be completed.

The nurse numbed me up and prepared me for the procedure. The dentist explained that he would have to shave my tooth down so that the crown could fit over it. He also told e that after the procedure was completed, he would take an impression of my tooth and send it off. Once the permanent crown came back, I could be scheduled for my final appointment.

That’s right!!! He said after the crown came in, I would have my final appointment. I did not look forward to this, but little did I know that this visit would not pave the way for me to have a good out look on the next appointment.

He drilled…

She sucked the extra liquid out…

He drilled more…

For an hour this went on, untill, I began to feel the drilling.

My tooth had no nerve so I could not feel the pain in my tooth, but I felt it in my gum. As he drilled, I told myself that it was normal and would go away at any time. Once he finished the work, he thought that I was ready to make the impression for my permanent tooth. It wasn’t until he took another look into my mouth that he realized that my gum was bleeding and had not stopped yet.

He tried multiple things, but nothing worked. He decided to coterize my gum tissue. I asked him, with all of the different tools in my mouth “what is that?” He proceeded to tell me that he was getting ready to burn the outside nerve of my gum so that it would stop bleeding.

He reached in my mouth and…I felt the pain of the heat hitting my nerve. With that he stopped and numbed me up again. I was assured that I wouldn’t feel the pain of that procedure once the shot wore off.

I left the dental office with a temporary cap on my tooth. I went home and tried to get some rest. Later on that night, I experienced pain and discomfort. I had to once again, pray and take two Tylenol.

As I sat there, I reminded myself that I would have to attend another appointment where my temporary crown would be taken out and the new one put in.

My gums ached and I felt sad. For I did not look forward to the next appointment with any anticipation…

To be continued…

The Good, The Bad, The Dentist Part 2

April 9, 2013 By Mrs. Mom Leave a Comment

After a week of being in pain from a horrible toothache with a temporary filling in it, I was still trying to bear as much as I could. With everyone’s busy schedules, I tried to wait a while to get the root canal, but my husband…my dear, loving husband, saw how much pain I was in and told me to schedule the appointment immediately. He took off of work and ushered me into the endodontist’s office the next day.

As I sat in the chair, the “endodontist” notified me that this would not be a one stop shop. Instead it would require two appointments for him to complete the job. As you know, I was disappointed. My family is so busy and I was experiencing so much pain, all I wanted was for this to be over. I sat there with dread all over my face. All I could think of was the two appointments that would be an hour long. He saw the look in my eyes and asked me what was wrong. After I explained my situation, he decided to it all in one shot. He said that he has five children and knows what it’s like when a parent needs to take care of a personal situation. I was very thankful. I left the office with a gutted tooth and a hungry tummy.

One of the worst things to tell a pregnant woman is that she cannot eat the one thing that she is craving. I just wanted something to eat, but I could only have soup.