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On Matters of the Heart: The One Who Hurts

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Last time that we discussed hurt, we took a look at the person who is hurt.  We looked at what needs to be done in order to move forward from a place of being hurt.  We discussed boundaries and the need for wise Counsel, as you are moving from the place of being hurt and offended to being free and forgiving.

Today, I want to take a look and the other side of that hurt coin.  The one who hurts.

Now, if you have experienced being hurt and have not, whether you tried to or not, dealt with it in the proper manner, the pain of the hurt was able to seep into our heart.  If this happened you allowed bitterness and anger to become wedged within the chambers of your heart.  If this is true, you may have found that your actions, words, and even your thoughts have begun to change.

The truth is that we are all, in many ways, a product of our environment.  The things, situations, and people that interact with us on a daily basis or even on an occurrence, have an opportunity to plant seed in to our hearts that can quickly take root. I believe that this is why God tells us in His word to guard our hearts with all diligence,  (Proverbs 4:23) for out of it flows the issues of life.  He didn’t say that out of it will flow all of the great dreams of our lives.  No, He said that our issues would come out of our hearts.

Not only will our issues come our of our hearts, but if there is goodness within us that will come out.  Yet, if there is evil within us, that will come out too. When we are dealing with or have buried pain from hurtful situations, issues… they will also come out of our mouths.

For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

If you take a moment to think about it, it is not only our actions that hurt people, but it is often our words, as well.  We speak damaging words to other people, without even realizing that what we have said has the capacity to destroy them, in many ways.  If we were to view things from God’s eyes, we would see that our tongues are swords, cutting others on the way in and on the way out.  Leave it to a heart that is hurting and the target will not only be broken, but demolished.  If you can recognize yourself in these words, I want to tell you that you are not alone.  It is just a sign that you are hurt.

Why?

Well, you’ve heard this before, but it’s really true.  Hurt people, hurt people.

They do it unknowingly, most of the time.  It starts with the pain that is within them and needs to be let go of, but because of unforgiveness, the hurt turns in to a weapon.  In many ways, the hurt person is simply trying to protect herself from other forms of hurt, without realizing that the chosen weapon of protection is not a shield, but a sword.  This is when problems arise.

If you have found yourself in this place, let me tell you that you don’t have to stay here.  Perhaps you have been hurting people, unawares.  Maybe you aren’t even to the place of hurting people yet.  You are just thinking thoughts, that if they came out of your mouth or would be acted upon, would hurt someone.  If this is you, please, please keep reading.

The first thing to do is to declare that you will be honest with yourself and with God, no matter what you find out about yourself.

The second thing to do is to ask for forgiveness.  You are asking forgiveness for hurting others.  Next, forgive.  Forgive yourself and the person/people that hurt you.  You may have to go back to the situation and think about what happened.  You may have to journal it and hash it out, but you need to get to the root of your problem, so that forgiveness can happen.  Finally, you have to commit to renewing your mind and being a doer of the word.

God wants to bring about a change in your life, but He will not force His goodness upon your life, if you are not interested in having it.  When you are a person that hurts others, you know that it comes from your past.  It comes from your own brokenness.  It comes from fear.  It comes from desiring control.  You have to be willing to let these things go in order to be set free.

If you are reading this, and don’t quite understand this position, God bless you.  However, I honestly believe that we have all been in a place like this, at one point in out lives or another.  Maybe you could not recognize it, when in it.  Maybe you did.  We are all different, but I truly believe that we are all similar in this.  None of us, really want to remain in this place.

So, what’s next?

Well, I suggest that you pray.

  1. Pray for the person that hurt you and pray for yourself.(Luke 6:28)
  2. Trust God to fight your battles.(Romans 12:19)
  3. Renew your mind daily. (Romans 12:2)
  4. Practice what you read and don’t just read it.(James 1:22)

If you do this things, you will move from the place that you are in now, to the place where you desire to be, free from the pain and free to love.

Reflecting and Preparing

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Have you ever had a situation in life that you did not want to deal with?

Maybe you felt like you could just wait it out and time would bring a solution…

Let me be the first to say that I know that feeling.

I’ve dealt with somethings in the past few years that I, honestly, considered burying deep within my heart and a secret treasure box somewhere.

Yet, I found that the more I considered not dealing with it, the more it changed me.

Now this wasn’t a single occurrence. It was something that happened a few different times in various situations.  As it happened, I kept wondering how I was supposed to handle the problem.

What I found was that I had to deal with it. I had to take the time to allow myself to feel the emotions. Those feelings became the beginning of my process.

From there, I had to talk with someone I trusted. This was someone who I knew would not only listen, but also pray for me and encourage me along the way.  I had to begin to reflect on my life so that I could grow and change.

Reflecting

Reflecting, not simply on the occurrences of the past, but also on the situations that had transpired within me. I had to bring myself to a place where I knew how the things that were said and done affected me.

This process of reflecting was not an easy one. There were times, during reflection, where I wanted to avoid the pain of remembering what happened. For the memories seemed to harvest the feeling that caused me such great pain.

Although I did not want to go through the process, I knew that I would have such great freedom after I did.

Cast your cares on God, for he cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7

One of the reasons why reflecting and self-reflection are so important is that you cannot cast upon God, what you do not know exists.

See, when we give our concerns, fears, anxieties, heartaches, and heartbreak to God, He will take care of them. However, when we do not know or refuse to identify the cares that are driving us crazy, we also choose to hold on to the cares. We decide that we are more powerful alone and don’t need God to solve the problem.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.  ~Psalm 55:22

If you can see this clearly, reflecting is a tool of freedom. Without it, we are unable to see primary aspects of ourselves, needed for liberty.  Without seeing those areas, we cannot submit our selves to God so that He can free us.  Our hearts have to go through the reflection process in order to begin preparing for what is next.

Preparing

After reflecting on the situation and coming to terms with the emotions, thoughts, and feelings that have been experienced, it is imperative that we begin to prepare ourselves for freedom.

Freedom is a choice.

That statement is the first one that we must accept as we prepare ourselves for liberty.  See, we can each choose to be prideful, stubborn, hard-hearted, impatient, and fearful. No one will stop us from feeling this way.

Honestly, it is our right to feel anyway that we desire.

However, if I am to move forward on my journey of healing and freedom, I must choose to be humble, tender-hearted, patient, willing, and full of courage. You have to make the same choice if you want freedom.

Freedom will also require us to forgive others.   Although it is very hard, each of these choices will unlock the door to our future and prepare us to walk in the place God calls us to.

Now I started this conversation with you by asking if you had ever found yourself in a situation that you didn’t want to deal with. My question for you now is, do you think you are a little better equipped to deal with it, after reading this?

I hope your answer is yes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found it helpful.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please share them with me in the comments section.

Thoughts on Today

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I have been sitting here thinking of what to share with you about my day.

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It was very busy and full of emotional ups and downs.

The ups were about my day. The downs were about my past month.

There were things that happened, conversations that I had, and questions that I asked, which are still on my mind.

Today, I realized, more than ever, that we may not get to choose the circumstances of our lives, but we do get to choose our reactions to them.

So this is what I want to share with you today.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8

The things that we think will help us act in a way that we can be proud of. The actions of others may cause us to consider doing things or saying things that are out of character, but prayer and proper thinking will help us to see life in a different light.

So try to make good decisions and have a good day.

Until next time…

Sentenced to Life

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Christ came to give us life
Christ came to give us life

This morning as I sat thinking.

I thought…

I asked God questions and I thought some more.

I meditated on the word of God that rose up in my heart and…

As clear as day, I could hear the Holy Spirit in my heart.

“I came that you may have life and life more abundantly…”

I wanted to lay my eyes upon those words because I felt that they had rejuvenated my soul.

Suddenly, I felt like I could make it through anything that life would throw my way.

Finally, I found it.  The scripture that would give me the strength to smile and be productive today.  These were the words that reminded me that the Lord cared for me, everyday of my life.

“The thief cometh not , but for to steal, and kill, and to destroy: I come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

I know that the words said “they”, but this scripture became very personal to me.  I felt like the Holy Spirit was saying, “Makeda, I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly.”

With those words, the feelings of being cared for and loved emanated through out my being…

I must admit…there are times when I am really struggling with a thing…

In my heart, I am yearning for God to fix my issue, although, I may not even know what it is…

I long for Him to calm my soul and bring me to a place of rest…

I can feel Him calling me to that place, but often times, in order to embrace it, I must first be clear of what it is that He is actually saying to me.

I heard the Holy Spirit, but for a moment, my emotions got in the way.

It is as if I have to bring my soul to believe what it is that my spirit is perceiving from God.

That is why, I meditated.

The biblical word for meditate is to think and talk to yourself about a thing or to have a conversation with oneself.

This is what I did.

It was what I had to do.

I had t make sure that I got it.

I couldn’t spend my day feeling some sort of way that I could not even explain.

Now here I sit…knowing that God cares for me…today.

He said that He wants me to have life and to have it more abundantly…

With that I am strengthened…

 

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever need affirmation from God of His love and that He cared?  What did you do?  How did you feel?

Leave me a comment…

A Thought On Grief

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sign direction new life - old lifeWhen you lose someone, there is a part of you that seems to go with them.

They go on to into another aspect of existence and the rest of us are here on earth.  While here, we begin to wonder what happens after we pass.

For those of us who believe in Jesus and the words of the Bible, we believe that to be absent from this life is to be present with God (if saved) or to spend all eternity in hell.

These thoughts came to my mind and have been there for the past four weeks.

First, my grandmother died.  She was a beautiful woman that instilled great value in me.  One reason why I know that I am strong is because she taught me that I was.

I’m not ready to go into detail about my thoughts and feelings on her passing yet, but I miss her dearly.

After attending her funeral, the following week, my great grandmother passed away also.  She was a great woman of faith.  I remember her stillness, faithfulness, and heart of a saint.

With the passing of these two great women, I realized that they are my yesterday.  So much of what they were, I am.  The Bible says that we can inherit the faith of our grandmothers.  I believe that the same faith that was present within them is also within me.  I thank God for this.  For there are things that I know have only been gifts given to me from God, my faith is one of them.

I am now their tomorrow.  The legacy of these two women live on in me.

I will miss them both, but my way of grieving will be to celebrate their lives.

Four weeks of transition…a passing and a funeral…a passing and a funeral.  A lifetime of change.  I will continue to pray and ask God to help me celebrate them…because I don’t want to mourn.

When You Miss Someone…

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When you miss someone, your cheeks feel heavy and it’s hard to smile.

When you miss someone, you forget the definition of a little while.

When you miss someone, you wish that they were near.

You try to find ways to show them that you care.

When you miss someone, you forget about the bad

Only thinking of the good

You try to think of the words that you would say if you could

See them right now, You’d feel really great

But they are in another country, city, or state

Or maybe they are gone…

Have passed and quietly moved on

When you miss someone, your heart swells with love

And it longs to say “Yes, it’s you, I’m thinking of…”