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Dealing With Rejection 

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This morning, want to share something with you. I shared it on my Instagram, but I wanted to make sure that I share it with my blog readers as well. I hope that you find encouragement in this.

We have all struggled before with being unwanted, unloved, forgotten, uninvited, rejected, and lonely. The pain of these moments and feelings cause us to bury specific thoughts about ourselves deep within.

Ultimately, we hold on to and carry around the message, from these feelings, of I am unworthy and unlovable. No one could ever say that they have not wrestled with these things. For they come at us at times when we least expect it, by those that we did not expect it from.

However, if we would take a moment to surrender and trust God, we would hear Him say, as our hearts struggle with all of this pain… “I will never let you go.” And if we can believe as our hearts long to, that He means every word of it, we could begin to walk free. Free from our pain. Free from our pasts. Free from the rejection and fear. We could live as who we truly are, not trying to be perfect, so that we may be accepted. Instead just being ourselves.

we would hear Him say, as our hearts struggle with all of this pain... I will never let you go. Click To Tweet

Today, I challenge you, as, I have, to look up. Stop what you are doing. Find a window, step outside…do something that would allow you to take a look up at the sky, that you cannot touch. The one that proclaims, with its very existence, the reality of God’s presence, and hear the Lord say

“I will never let you go. I knew you before you were born. I’ve known you every moment of your life. I still know you now. I love you. I will always love you. I will hold you with my arms and never let you go.”

Then take a breath and realize that you mean more to Him than you could ever imagine.

Have a great day. #youareloved #loveofGod

On Matters of the Heart: The One Who Hurts

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Last time that we discussed hurt, we took a look at the person who is hurt.  We looked at what needs to be done in order to move forward from a place of being hurt.  We discussed boundaries and the need for wise Counsel, as you are moving from the place of being hurt and offended to being free and forgiving.

Today, I want to take a look and the other side of that hurt coin.  The one who hurts.

Now, if you have experienced being hurt and have not, whether you tried to or not, dealt with it in the proper manner, the pain of the hurt was able to seep into our heart.  If this happened you allowed bitterness and anger to become wedged within the chambers of your heart.  If this is true, you may have found that your actions, words, and even your thoughts have begun to change.

The truth is that we are all, in many ways, a product of our environment.  The things, situations, and people that interact with us on a daily basis or even on an occurrence, have an opportunity to plant seed in to our hearts that can quickly take root. I believe that this is why God tells us in His word to guard our hearts with all diligence,  (Proverbs 4:23) for out of it flows the issues of life.  He didn’t say that out of it will flow all of the great dreams of our lives.  No, He said that our issues would come out of our hearts.

Not only will our issues come our of our hearts, but if there is goodness within us that will come out.  Yet, if there is evil within us, that will come out too. When we are dealing with or have buried pain from hurtful situations, issues… they will also come out of our mouths.

For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

If you take a moment to think about it, it is not only our actions that hurt people, but it is often our words, as well.  We speak damaging words to other people, without even realizing that what we have said has the capacity to destroy them, in many ways.  If we were to view things from God’s eyes, we would see that our tongues are swords, cutting others on the way in and on the way out.  Leave it to a heart that is hurting and the target will not only be broken, but demolished.  If you can recognize yourself in these words, I want to tell you that you are not alone.  It is just a sign that you are hurt.

Why?

Well, you’ve heard this before, but it’s really true.  Hurt people, hurt people.

They do it unknowingly, most of the time.  It starts with the pain that is within them and needs to be let go of, but because of unforgiveness, the hurt turns in to a weapon.  In many ways, the hurt person is simply trying to protect herself from other forms of hurt, without realizing that the chosen weapon of protection is not a shield, but a sword.  This is when problems arise.

If you have found yourself in this place, let me tell you that you don’t have to stay here.  Perhaps you have been hurting people, unawares.  Maybe you aren’t even to the place of hurting people yet.  You are just thinking thoughts, that if they came out of your mouth or would be acted upon, would hurt someone.  If this is you, please, please keep reading.

The first thing to do is to declare that you will be honest with yourself and with God, no matter what you find out about yourself.

The second thing to do is to ask for forgiveness.  You are asking forgiveness for hurting others.  Next, forgive.  Forgive yourself and the person/people that hurt you.  You may have to go back to the situation and think about what happened.  You may have to journal it and hash it out, but you need to get to the root of your problem, so that forgiveness can happen.  Finally, you have to commit to renewing your mind and being a doer of the word.

God wants to bring about a change in your life, but He will not force His goodness upon your life, if you are not interested in having it.  When you are a person that hurts others, you know that it comes from your past.  It comes from your own brokenness.  It comes from fear.  It comes from desiring control.  You have to be willing to let these things go in order to be set free.

If you are reading this, and don’t quite understand this position, God bless you.  However, I honestly believe that we have all been in a place like this, at one point in out lives or another.  Maybe you could not recognize it, when in it.  Maybe you did.  We are all different, but I truly believe that we are all similar in this.  None of us, really want to remain in this place.

So, what’s next?

Well, I suggest that you pray.

  1. Pray for the person that hurt you and pray for yourself.(Luke 6:28)
  2. Trust God to fight your battles.(Romans 12:19)
  3. Renew your mind daily. (Romans 12:2)
  4. Practice what you read and don’t just read it.(James 1:22)

If you do this things, you will move from the place that you are in now, to the place where you desire to be, free from the pain and free to love.

Communicating With Your Husband

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The other night, I was in a marriage coaching session with a couple.  After we had finished, I sat and thought about the communication between these two spouses.  I gradually began to think about my communications with my husband over the past 13 1/2 years.

Communicate with your husband

I realized that many times couples underestimate the effectiveness of loving, open-hearted communication.

When we were in our first two years of marriage, I remember thinking that good couples in healthy marriages did not argue.  Now that I have been married to my high school sweetheart for more than a decade, I have come to realize that some of the best couples, indeed argue.  They are just careful about how they do it.

Many times in life, we try to avoid some of the hardest situations.  When we are in the fire, we run away, refusing to get burned.  What we fail to realize is that somethings require fire in order to be refined, like gold.  That is how our lives are.

We spend a lot of time around people who want to tickle our ears.  They don’t want to ruffle our feathers because they are afraid that challenging our perspectives will jeopardize the relationship that they have with us. Yet, without challenges, we cannot become better individuals or live our best lives for Christ.  Without challenges, we are stuck in our same ol’ ways, smiling, but never better.  However, marriage is not one of those relationships, nor should it be.

In a marriage each partner, by default, should make the other better.

Think about it.  This is the person that lives with you and sees you at you best…and worst.   He knows when you are giving something your all and when you are doing it half way.  He can see when you are walking in love and walking in anger.  To be even more precise, he can see what you cannot see about yourself and speak truth to you about it, in love.

I know, it doesn’t always feel like he is speaking in love, but what if you adjusted your hearing.  Do you think that you could turn down your detection of pessimism, resentment, and anger long enough to detect the love that he has in his heart for you.  Do his words challenge you and call you out of fear?  Does he confirm what God has already spoken into your heart about the changes that you need to make to be your best?

I have found that over the course of my marriage, communication with my husband has not always been easy, but more times than not, it has been very beneficial.  I have had to make a choice to remain accountable, open-hearted, and humble towards him, so that he could lead me.

Yes, I said that my husband leads me.  When I have prayed for direction and I’m looking for someone to speak into my life, God will often use my husband to say some of the toughest things to me.  Because his eyes are watching me each day, I have also been held accountable.

In trusting our husbands with our hearts, we leave room for God to speak to us through them.  He is able to validate us through the one human relationship that will be most fulfilling on this earth.

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”   This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.  ~Ephesians 5:22-33

Today, I want to encourage you to consider the communication that you have with your husband.  Don’t think that it always has to sound or look a certain way in order for it to be effective.  It should not be abusive, but it doesn’t have to be pretty either.  It needs to be what God knows is best for you in your life and in your marriage.  Your husband loves you and servers God in helping you though this process of sanctification and cleansing that God is so mercifully taking you through.  See the fire and the flame as methods used to make you better.  Never stop talking to, texting, emailing, winking, or smiling at your husband.  Leave the lines of communication open and know that in a loving relationship, iron sharpens iron.

January 2015: Book of the Month

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5 Love Languages of ChildrenThis month the Christian Moms Read book club will be reading “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman.

Reading this book will help us understand and focus on the way that our children love and how to love them in a way that is beneficial to them.

I don’t know about you, but I am interested in seeing if this book can offer me some understanding that I don’t already possess in regards to my children.  I have four of them and they are all different.  I’m sure that they all have various love languages as well.

What are your thoughts on this book?  Are you looking forward to reading it?

Leave a comment below to tell me what you think…also join in the discussion on the Goodreads group

To Feel Loved

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I have had my moments…
Moments of not feeling loved…
Moments of not feeling wanted…
Moments of feeling empty and void…
But all of that fades, when I hear and feel Him calling me…
He calls my name…
He reaches out from the throne room of heaven…to touch me
It’s not that I’m super important, but I’m super important to Him…
Important enough to make this real…
Real for me…
I don’t want an experience that only moves me in church
I want a relationship that fills my deepest needs
And as I type this I realize that I have what I want…Him
Moved to tears, my heart floods…
My years of rejection are removed with just a simple touch of His love
In my weakness, my void, my emptiness…
He fills me, loves me, and revives me…
Never have I known a love so great…
Never has my fear of rejection been so far from me…
He has arrested my heart and brought me to a place of freedom
No more will the chains that once filled my heart hold me captive to the pain that once restrained me.
In my heart I am finally free…
What an amazing love…

If you want this you can have it…draw near to him and be vulnerable. For it is in my weakest moments that I have found His strength to change, fill, love, and revive my heart…

He will hear your cry and come to your rescue…