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Being Mom Blogs…

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When I wake up in the morning in Utah.  I still consider it to be a strange place.  Although I have lived here now for more than a couple of months, it still feels strange.  I haven’t exactly made friends and my life sometimes feels a little foreign.  These are the times when I really need to relate to someone else, another woman.  When I search for blogs that may allow me to connect with other women, I normally find ones that are so positive that they seem unreal.  I have been a mother for 10 years now and I know personally that everything isn’t always great.  No! They are not always horrible, but honestly it’s a wild roller coaster ride.

I originally started my blog with the intention of being honest about my life, but the more blogs I read by other mothers, the harder it became to be honest.  I really needed to do this, be honest.  Not for anyone else.  It was simply for me.  I was reading stories that sounded like the perfect pictures that accompanied their posts and I thought that my blog would stand out like a sore thumb in a way that I didn’t want it to.  I thought that I wouldn’t have any readers and that everyone would think that I was being extremely negative, when all I really wanted was an outlet to be honest and connect with other women like myself.

Well, that was a little over a year ago and now I need to blog more than ever.  My family’s life has changed in so many ways that sometimes its hard for all of us.  I normally enjoy writing and talking, but blogging is just different.  I know that my thoughts will be read and that someone may respond.  That is good for me because I want to converse about these things.  I just don’t always want to converse with my family, my mom, or  friends back home who just don’t understand.  I don’t want to post my every thought on Facebook for my mom and everyone else that I care about to see.  Yes, I know that my blog is public and that’s ok.  But the difference is that I’m not typing all of these things for the people that I know to read, I’m doing it for that same reason that a writer writes a book, because they have something to say and this is how they do it best.  This is a type of therapy for me and I know that other women feel the same.  So many blogs are created per day…blogging speaks for itself.

So, I have realized my needs and I have begun to look for blogs that are not overly negative, but that are realistic.  I want to read the stories of women like myself who don’t want to reveal all of their family problems, but who are not afraid of talking about somethings that are on their minds and in their hearts.  This morning I really needed this.  It was like being in group therapy.  Sometimes we as women, human beings, wives and mothers need to know that we are not alone.  I need to read, hear, or know, that I am not the only person dealing with anxiety in some areas of my life.  Yes, the Lord said that we should be anxious about anything, but as a human it’s hard and I strive to move past it, while I trust Him. I need to understand that I am not the only person dealing with relational issues with friends.  I need to grasp the fact that I’m not the only person that may not have a clean kitchen, right now.  I don’t want total negativity, but I do want realism.

I plan on cleaning my kitchen, making my relationships better, reading all of the books on my list, being the perfect mom and doing my best to be positive…but in the meantime, I’m going to give myself permission to feel and express what is really on my heart and mind.  If I don’t I may go crazy and nobody wants that. 🙂

So I have something to say to all of you moms out there that are being honest and still having integrity (allowing your family some privacy) on your blogs.  Thank you.  You help me accept myself as a woman.  You help me have the courage to be myself at all times.  You help me to see what reality is in my life.  You encourage me to be better as you strive to be better.  You encourage me not to fear the my emotions, but to realize that I feel them and find ways to deal with them.  You help me understand that no one is perfect.  Thank you so much for your courage, honesty, and the faith that you have in God to know that He will help you get through it all.

This is why I enjoy being a momblogger and reading other momblogs.

Until next time~


New Feelings…

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I’m sitting here with my journal in front of me. I’m wondering if I want to write about what I’m experiencing right now. It isn’t anything horrible, but it isn’t great either. Do you ever have feelings about someone or something that you aren’t quite sure you want to share? I do. I have a very expressive personality, so I normally feel like finding some way of expressing my feelings and thoughts. In the midst of finding a way, I wonder. I wonder if I really want to share how I feel. Now, although I am currently blogging, I find that I don’t always want to. Its a little confusing. I look at the way that so many people are able to express their thoughts and feelings without any concern. I’m not like that. I am always thinking about what I said or wrote. I ask myself if it will be perceived as what it is. Although it may seem like it, I’m not as worried about what people think of me as I am about the truth being known. I don’t want to be seen one way if that is not the truth.

Now I know I am not responsible for the way that people perceive me, but I must admit…it is hard. The life of a mother is not easy. It isn’t the hardest thing in the world either. Being a mother and a wife add to the pressure of being a woman. When I say pressure, I am saying that the normal life of a mother and wife have a ton of different experiences attached to it. Add to that fact, being a student and a military wife. All of these things coupled together equal a balancing act that most people don’t have to deal with.

There are often a lot of things that I think of and want to blog about, but I am often not sure if I should. I ask myself how much my readers are supposed to know about me. I wonder how much they are supposed to know about my family. I guess the truth is that you can know as much as I tell you. There real question is, how much am I willing to share. This brings me back to my journal.

Today, I am experiencing some feelings that I have never felt before. I’m not quite sure how to deal with these feelings. I don’t really want to talk to any of my family or friends about the way that I’m feeling. I definitely don’t want to Facebook it either. Although I don’t really feel like writing about these feelings, I will. Not on this site, of course. I am going to journal and pray about it. I believe that by doing that, I will be able to grasp my feelings better. After grasping them, I hope to understand and deal with them. Then…I will blog about it.

I wonder how other people deal with their “new feelings?” How do bloggers deal with their emotions? How do writers find a balance between natural expression and writing? How do mothers and wives, with all of their exciting, heart breaking, loving, funny, embarrassing, emotional, eyeopening experiences find a balance between expressing themselves to the world and those around them while keeping things private. It gets kinda hard sometimes.

There are things that I want to share sometimes that I am not sure whether or not I should. Since I can’t decide half the time, I choose not to. Being in a new state offers tons of experiences to blog about, but sometimes I wonder. I ask myself how I would feel if those involved in the experience wanted to keep it private. I’ve had experiences with my neighbors, friends, family, and strangers, that I want to write about, but there is always the question of Netiquette.

Well, I may not have it all figured out, but I pray I will understand it all soon. Then maybe I will be able to talk about my feelings in more detail, but when I act or talk, I want it to be wise…

Until Next Time…

1, 2, 3 Go!

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It has been a while since you last heard from me.  My life has been busier that I had planned.  It isn’t the type of busy that cause me to want to go hide.  No, it the productive type of busy.  While, there are times where I am wondering if I bit off more that I could chew, I know deep down that I didn’t.

So what am I doing?  Well, from my previous posts you may have seen that my family and I moved clear across the country.  I had to unpack and get our family all settled in.  Now I am in school.  Yes, I decided to finish my degree.  It is pretty exciting.  I am a mom of three, a wife of one, and now a student….again.  It is very invigorating.  I am really enjoying my classes.  Although, I have tons of work, it is still very enjoyable.  I am currently taking a freelancing class which causes me to look closely at all that I do.  I really enjoy writing and I always have and this class is helping me to see the potential that I have.

There are all sorts of opportunities out there.  They pay pretty well also.  I will have to put in some work, but I’m putting it in now. Right?!

One of the recent, but familiar issues that I am facing is my inability to completely express my thoughts and feelings.  I am still dealing with fear of what my readers will think.  More than I am concerned about what my readers will think, I am concerned about what my family would think.  I’m not thinking anything crazy.  I just am dealing with some emotions and I would like to be able to express them, but I’m not sure I should.  This is a problem because I’m a writer.  As a writer, I want to express myself.  If I hold back, my writing is lacking something…me.  That may seem weird, but its true.  I normally submerge myself in my writing, but it’s hard to do so when I have things that I want to write about, but I don’t.  One of my major problems is that I want to write a book someday.  As you’ve probably guessed it, that’s not the problem.  The problem is that I am going to be able to write freely.

Like everything else, I think eventually I will be ok.  I am working at it in my classes and doing all that I need to do as a wife and mother.  I also started a workout plan.  I will definitely be able to write the way I desire.  I just have to work through some things.

I think I will give it a try…1, 2, 3 Go!

Keep It My Own

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I was surfing the net today when I came across an Work At Home offer that looked promising.  Yet when I took a closer look at the details and searched other people’s results,  I decided that it wasn’t for me.  There are so many different option online for making money, but many times it is hard to tell which ones are scams and which ones are worth the time and effort.

There are also the affiliate programs that I hear so much about, but then I would have tons of ads all over my site that I paid not to have ads on.  It has been suggested that you take what you enjoy and make money off of it, but when do that you risk the chance of losing the passion for it.  So, what is a gal to do?  I have decided that I will do some research and create a different site that I will use to for my potential earnings.

I enjoy my blogs.  I like being able to discuss whatever I want.  This is my site and this one I’m keeping as my own.

I’m Pro-Life…and not a Lesbian

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I had no intention of being up this late, but I stumbled upon a site titled “I Support Abortion Rights…Because I’m a lesbian”  and decided to read an article.  I response to it I have decided to post my thoughts.

The real thing to be said is that, Pat’s quote obviously hit a nerve and so this article was written.  Question…what nerve was it that he it.  We all know the obvious, lesbians can have children as long as a man is involved in some form or fashion.  But why, are lesbians the way that they are?  It has a lot to do with extreme feminism and a desire to be masculine, which is what I think he was trying to say without saying it.  Lesbians have decided that they want to be free from all forms of masculine control and that includes the “opportunity” that women have to be concerned about being pregnant or not.  There are so many women out there that struggle to have children, but it seems, from the posts that I read here, that it is looked at as a privilege to not have to be concerned about pregnancy.  Women make great friends, but there is a place in the life of a woman to have an intimate relationship with a man as a partner (and I mean spouse).

Why is there a need to have full control over the life of another individual, a baby that  one day will be an adult.  All of those adults add up to equal different groups of people that have been wiped off of the face of the earth because someone wants to have full control.  There is a place in our society for submission and there are things that we don’t know.  Like why it is healthy to have authority and submission; in the lives of both genders.  Lesbians have lost a sense of balance when they became lesbians and therefore make the statement in almost every area of their lives…I don’t need a man for anything, I have one only for what I want him for.    That is very damaging to our society as a whole.  Although there are aspects of being liberal that benefit our society and the individuals in it, when it is unchecked ,we end up on a slippery slope not knowing where we are headed.  There are times when the thoughts of the feminist movement have almost destroyed my marriage and every relationship that I have.  It is only when I realize that it does not always have to be my way and that life is about a compromise…that I am truly liberated and later on see where I was wrong.

Part of who every woman was created to be is a mother and a wife. She is a nurturer and a help-meet in so many different ways.  This even applies to women who are single.  Yet when you take these feminine titles and duties away from a woman you change who she is an attempt to compare her to a man. We are not men…we are women.  I am pro-life.  I understand that people want to have a choice.  It a choice that many women after they choose, wish that someone would have told them what the repercussions were going to be like.  Some women have utterly destroyed themselves and someone else because of their desire to be “in charge.”  I could have been aborted, but I thank God that I wasn’t.  My mother’s life wasn’t only about her life.  She had been given a gift.  The gift of being able to carry life within herself and usher it into this world.  Within the life that she gave was the lives of three small children, that one day will play a role in the rest of the world.  We each make a difference.  What difference are lesbians making in trying to be men.  If you want to be a man do that on your own, but don’t encourage other women to begin to think and act like that which they are not.

It takes a lot to walk on both sides of the fence, but it takes so much more to choose a side.  What might be frightening is when you choose a side you have to stick to it and there is a fear that causes us to run away from our true destiny.   We were created in a certain way to be who we are…be who you are, embrace what you are really like, and watch your beauty shine.  Not as a lesbian, but as the woman that God created you to be, who was set free.