Findings

5 Reasons Why You Don’t Always Have To Be Strong

March 24, 2016 By Mrs. Mom 2 Comments

My entire adult life, I have been married and a mother. I had to mature very quickly in order to fulfill my role as mother and wife. I remember when I was a child, I wanted to hurry up and become a grown woman. I didn’t know that it would come so soon.

However, when the time came, I stepped into my shoes as mother and wife. I did my best in everything and I learned how to be strong. Over time, being strong began to take a toll on me.

My friends seemed to think that I didn’t need encouragement or a helping hand because, I was always doing those things for them.

It wasn’t that I didn’t need it. It was something completely different.

When I was in the first year of my marriage and had just had my son, I had an encounter. This encounter would begin to shape my life for years and I didn’t understand why until recently.

At this vulnerable and very impressionable stage in my life, I turned to a minister that I thought could help me. I thought he would lead my husband and I, as we traveled the road of learning to be great parents and spouses. In my heart, I longed for a word that would show us how to walk with God and with one another.

This leader would speak into my life at various points. I remember going to him because I had found that I was different from my peers at the time. They were all single and doing things that 20 year olds do. However, I was a mother and a wife. I was in the military and I owned my own home. I had more in common with the 30 and 40-year-old women, than I did with the women that were my age. His advice to me was simple. He said show yourself friendly. If you want a friend be a friend.

That is exactly what I did. I was there for people as I had wanted them to be there for me, but when I needed them, they were not there.

I have to admit that their unavailability, allow God to be there for me more and more. However, I began to build up this aspect of myself that had to be strong because if I became weak, no one would be able to help my friends and my friends wouldn’t be able to help me.

I couldn’t understand why thing were this way, but I never gave it any thought until one day. My family and I were over 2,500 miles away in a new state. I didn’t know anyone and no one knew me. I started thinking about all of my relationships and my desire to have people in my life that genuinely cared for me as much as I did for them. I saw that when I was strong and helpful, people clung to me. However, I also began to realize that those types of relationships were not healthy for myself of my friends, so I began to make some changes.

When my friends would call, I would listen more. When they awaited my answer to their problem, I asked them questions about what they were going to do.

At the time I was also going through some training as a Rehabilitation Counselor and I was learning that there is power is asking questions that are not leading. I started telling myself that in order to truly build up my friends, I had to back off and allow God to do His work through the Holy Spirit in their lives. I could not solve everything for them.

Setting Boundaries

I stopped answering the phone at 2 o’clock in the morning and worrying about how they were going to fix their lives. Instead, I fell on my knees and I prayed for them.

When I wasn’t able to handle their lack of desire to do and be better, I said so and then asked them what they wanted me to do to help them. If their expectations where what I could handle, I did it. If they weren’t, I simply stated this. I had to make sure that my friends understood that I was being strong for them, but in another way. I was setting some healthy boundaries.

Do you know what happened?

My friends started to grow up. They no longer expected me to be strong and they began to make better choices in their own lives.

Thinking on this helped me to realize that so many women are always trying to be strong. We are strong because it is always projected that in order to be great you have to be the stronger one.

Why do we fight it?

In our society, it is never encouraged to be the weaker vessel. Why?

They say that only the strong survive. They also tell us that what we want, is to survive.

Well, I want to challenge that thought. I want to thrive. Not only do I want to thrive, but I want to live because I am alive. I am not dead and avoiding death is not the sole purpose of my life.

This is why so many women have trouble submitting to their husbands. They feel that if they submit, it means that they are weak.

YES!!! It does. It means that you and I are the weaker vessel in our marriages. We should be proud of that fact. What woman, honestly, wants to be married to a man that is weaker than she is? He could not protect her or their family. She would have to do it all.

If we are to be honest, in order to thrive as a married couple…be prosperous and develop well, as a married couple, we all have to love each other well.

Do you know that it wasn’t until I took this stand in ALL of my relationships that my quality of life began to improve.

Here are the 5 things that I learned.

1. Always being strong drains you

I found that being strong left me with little energy. I had to be strong enough to listen to people’s problems and to solve them. I had to be strong enough to take what they threw my way and not flinch. I had to always be ready. This was tiring.

2. If you are always strong, you leave no power for God’s strength

You have probably heard this before, but I am going to tell you again. God has given us strength for this life, but He also knows that there will be specific points, where He will need to be strong for us. These times allow Him to show us how much He cares for us.

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 2:10

Yet when we cover up our weakness and pretend to be strong through it all, we leave no room for Him to be God in our lives. In our strength, we tell Him, “I don’t need You to be strong for me.”

3. Being strong all of the time tells everyone else in your world that you don’t need them

Just like our strength communicates to God that we don’t need Him, other people in our lives begin to receive the same message. They feel that they are not strong enough to help us because we have it all taken care of. We make them think that we are super human, when in reality, we struggle just like they do.

4. Always being strong can lead to pride and pride leads to a fall

When we are always strong, we can begin to fool ourselves in to thinking that we don’t need anyone. We feel that no one is capable of helping us and with this, pride begins to move into our lives. Pride can be very dangerous because it takes away our ability to see all of the needs that we have. The only way for us to recognize those needs is for something to happen, the fall…

5. It might be someone’s else turn

Have you ever thought that perhaps your strength was standing in the way of someone else being strong? I didn’t until it happened to me. I had a friend that was really strong. She was so strong that she would not let me help her. I had never been that way, but her actions caused me to wonder if my other friends had perceived me as such. I waited a while for an opportunity to show her how much I cherished our friendship, but that opportunity never arrived. I had asked to help and volunteered, but she never would take any type of help, encouragement, or friendly gesture of caring through gifts.

This relationship showed me that sometimes it’s just not our turn to be strong. It might be someone else’s turn to be strong and we need to back off. From then on, I wanted to do my best to allow my friends to be strong for me and I would continue to do the same thing, when needed.

If you don’t get anything else out of this, I want you to know that you don’t have to do it all or be it all to everyone. All you have to do is be you and give this life all that you’ve got. Your strength is not who you are. It is a quality that you possess. It also does not define you. You are so much more than one word, strong. There is great value in you, but in order for you to see it, you’re going to have to step out of your own strength and into God’s strength. There is a time and place for everything. Just know that when you decide you don’t want to be strong, there is still greatness in you.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please leave me a comment below or better yet, email me at info@beingmrsmom.com

If you find that you enjoyed this post and would like to stay up to date on my writings and encouragement, make sure to subscribe

Realizing That I Miss Him

November 19, 2012 By Mrs. Mom 2 Comments

For the past year, I have been on this wild roller coaster ride of emotions. I have been happy, sad, emotional, tired, and a times I felt hopeless. Now when I think about these things, I am a bit disappointed in myself because I have such a great God who has made such great promises and kept, that I should never feel hopeless, but I did.

“I think an unhappy Christian is an oxymoron. It shouldn’t even be in the same sentence.” ~Joyce Meyer

The truth is that the past year has been really hard. My family and I moved away from all that we knew, besides each other and God. We’ve had to adjust to a new state and way of life. We have been blessed in so many ways by God, but at times the adjusting period was hard. Now, I have not hated life, but I have found myself in a couple tight corners that I could not see my way out of, but God is faithful. He helped me each and every time to come out.

In the past year I have forgotten who I am and who God created me to be. I would even dare to say that I have, at times forgotten how big, strong, powerful , faithful, and loving my God truly is…and because of that I have not exactly enjoyed the rollercoaster of life. I have hidden myself at times because of fear of rejection or even fear of being misunderstood. Yet, like the word of God says, all things work together for our good…so, now I look back and I see that there was a reason for my unhappiness. There was a reason why I was unsatisfied with life. There was a reason why I had forgotten. I had done all that I could do to stay positive, to smile, and look happy, but the truth is that I was in and out of happiness. I could not understand why before, but a few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that I missed God. I didn’t realize how much I missed Him because I had filled my life with all the things I had to do and the places I had to be. The woman I had to be, consumed my time and, like a busy spouse, I was too busy to realize how much I missed Him.

Missing God, meant that although I talked to Him sometimes, the amount of time that He longed to spend with me and that I used to spend with Him wasn’t there anymore. There were times when I did other things instead of spending time with Him.

Picture this…

A husband works long and hard shifts. He leaves home every morning and kisses his wife goodbye. He tells her he loves her and then walks out the door. He doesn’t have time to stop and embrace her nor look in her eyes and say something sweet because he’s on a schedule and has to go. He comes home every night and lays down in the bed with her as he watches his favorite program on tv. They say goodnight, roll over, and go to bed. They never go on a date or do anything alone, without the children. This same cycle continues day after day as the husband works hard, everyday, doing what he feels needs to be done to take care of his family, but what he doesn’t realize is that his wife misses him. She misses the time that he would take to look into her eyes as he said “I love you.” She misses the way that he used to pull her close at different times of their day and kiss her on her forehead, cheek, or hand. She misses the text messages during the day that were simply to say, “I thought about you.” She misses the nights when they would sit and talk and he would ask her what she thought about things…and actually listen for an answer. He didn’t realize how much she missed him because she didn’t say it. She understood how much he had to do at work and what it took for him to accomplish those things. She knew how focused he was on what he was doing. She knew how busy he was and she stayed by his side because she loves him. He could not and would not see how much she missed him until she backed up a little and gave him the space that he demanded. Although she continued to love him, cook dinner, wash clothes, greet him at the door, kiss him goodnight, watch tv with him, and have small surface conversations with him. She remained committed and faithful, but she backed up a bit. When he began to miss her embrace, her kiss, her text messages, he realized that something was wrong. Not terribly wrong, but wrong. His wife missed him and he missed her…now something needed to be done.

This is how it is with God. He remains in our lives because He loves us. He is committed and faithful. He’s there when we need to talk and when we need guidance, but like the wife, He longs for…intimacy. When we become to busy or too preoccupied with life, He doesn’t decide to forsake us or leave us. Instead he backs up a little and gives us the space that we have asked for and declared that we need, with our actions, but He misses us. It’s not until we begin to feel a void, within ourselves, that we miss Him.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~James 4:8

This tells us that there is a time when God backs away, just a little, because we have told Him in some way that we need space. Much like the husband, once we realize what is happening, we are a bit shocked because it didn’t seem to be such an issue before, but with the process occurring over and over again, intimacy is lost and the issue is, well an issue that needs to be fixed.

Today I listened to a podcast by Joyce Meyer and was reminded of what it takes to maintain a relationship with God. I was reminded of what I was missing and I ~~knew~~ ,know I want Him in my life constantly. I want to have an intimate relationship with God because He is the source of my joy. Happiness is dependent upon what happens in my life and the way that I see it, but real joy will last because He is the source. I can look at life through a different perspective when I have spent quality time with God and be happy and full of joy.

With realizing that I miss Him and the He misses me, I commit to spending more time with Him. Time talking, being honest, listening, and enjoying His presence. The intimacy that I have with God cannot be replaced. It’s helps me to be a better mom, wife, friend, and woman.

…And today I smile…for real!

Big Move, Big Opportunity…

October 20, 2011 By Mrs. Mom 10 Comments

Less than a month ago I was in another state. All of my belongings were tucked away in their own spaces and normal was something that my family had been used to for the past 6 years. Today, the same cannot be said. We are clear across the country in a western state, 1/3 of our belongings are still in boxes, and normal is something that we are creating now.

I must say that this is a beautiful place to live. There is a constant scenery of the mountains in every direction that I turn. The people who I meet here are very kind and friendly, which is always a plus. As long as I’m here, I’ll never be able to say that I can’t find a store to shop in or that I need to order something online. There are malls about 10 minutes away in all directions. How exciting right?! I’m looking forward to shopping for myself and my family…not to mention our new apartment.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to be walking into coming over here. Now we didn’t just decide to pick up and move clear across the country. No, this was a career move and what a move it is. We thought that we could possibly move to New York, Massachusetts, Maryland, and other east coast states, but that wasn’t the case. The good thing is that my husband and I welcomed the opportunity to venture into another land with high hopes and great expectation. I heard such wonderful things about this place, Utah. I was told that I would love living here. Many people told us that it is a very family oriented state with lots of things to do. Since we are from the east coast we were curious to see what it was like living in the west. What no one failed to mention was the fact that it isn’t very diverse. They would say things like, “It’s a great place to live, but you don’t see very many black people.” Now that would have scared me if I came from a place where the black population was very high, like Georgia, perhaps. Instead it just intrigued me. I mean race isn’t really an issue for me. My husband is Puerto Rican, my pastor back home was white, and I have friends of all different races and cultures. I wondered what type of adventure was awaiting me on this side of the US. Now that we are here I am glad that I’m not the person that takes what everyone says to be gold. We moved to a very nice place where, like I said earlier, the people are very nice and it is pretty diverse. Although I am the only dark face that is seen in many of the places that we go, I am happy that God gave me an optimistic look on life. I see such great potential for me and my family here. We will be here for a couple of years and I plan to make the best out of it.

You know, it’s a blessing to be the way that I am. Nothing gets in my way. I think that there is good in everyone and there is always potential for greatness around the corner. So what, there is only a 3% black population in this state and, yes, I am aware of the fact that the majority of the culture around here is Mormon. I’m a Christian woman, who is ok with being different. I choose to stand out for Jesus, with a big heart and a smile. I enjoy meeting people and hearing what they have to say. I want to see more of Utah. I want to learn of its culture and I a curious to find out why it’s people believe what they do. I enjoy history and this place is full of it. I am excited because I am sure that God has something here for me and my family that we are not expecting. I hope that the people who I come in contact with will get a taste of God’s love in an unforeseen way.

My house back home no longer has its family, but my apartment here has a new one. I know that is a weird way of looking at things, but everything looks so bright and full of opportunity.

On another note, my children are not used to living in an apartment at all. They are used to running and jumping and ring free…but that’s a post for another time.

I’m Pro-Life…and not a Lesbian

April 28, 2011 By Mrs. Mom 28 Comments

I had no intention of being up this late, but I stumbled upon a site titled “I Support Abortion Rights…Because I’m a lesbian” and decided to read an article. I response to it I have decided to post my thoughts.

The real thing to be said is that, Pat’s quote obviously hit a nerve and so this article was written. Question…what nerve was it that he it. We all know the obvious, lesbians can have children as long as a man is involved in some form or fashion. But why, are lesbians the way that they are? It has a lot to do with extreme feminism and a desire to be masculine, which is what I think he was trying to say without saying it. Lesbians have decided that they want to be free from all forms of masculine control and that includes the “opportunity” that women have to be concerned about being pregnant or not. There are so many women out there that struggle to have children, but it seems, from the posts that I read here, that it is looked at as a privilege to not have to be concerned about pregnancy. Women make great friends, but there is a place in the life of a woman to have an intimate relationship with a man as a partner (and I mean spouse).

Why is there a need to have full control over the life of another individual, a baby that one day will be an adult. All of those adults add up to equal different groups of people that have been wiped off of the face of the earth because someone wants to have full control. There is a place in our society for submission and there are things that we don’t know. Like why it is healthy to have authority and submission; in the lives of both genders. Lesbians have lost a sense of balance when they became lesbians and therefore make the statement in almost every area of their lives…I don’t need a man for anything, I have one only for what I want him for. That is very damaging to our society as a whole. Although there are aspects of being liberal that benefit our society and the individuals in it, when it is unchecked ,we end up on a slippery slope not knowing where we are headed. There are times when the thoughts of the feminist movement have almost destroyed my marriage and every relationship that I have. It is only when I realize that it does not always have to be my way and that life is about a compromise…that I am truly liberated and later on see where I was wrong.

Part of who every woman was created to be is a mother and a wife. She is a nurturer and a help-meet in so many different ways. This even applies to women who are single. Yet when you take these feminine titles and duties away from a woman you change who she is an attempt to compare her to a man. We are not men…we are women. I am pro-life. I understand that people want to have a choice. It a choice that many women after they choose, wish that someone would have told them what the repercussions were going to be like. Some women have utterly destroyed themselves and someone else because of their desire to be “in charge.” I could have been aborted, but I thank God that I wasn’t. My mother’s life wasn’t only about her life. She had been given a gift. The gift of being able to carry life within herself and usher it into this world. Within the life that she gave was the lives of three small children, that one day will play a role in the rest of the world. We each make a difference. What difference are lesbians making in trying to be men. If you want to be a man do that on your own, but don’t encourage other women to begin to think and act like that which they are not.

It takes a lot to walk on both sides of the fence, but it takes so much more to choose a side. What might be frightening is when you choose a side you have to stick to it and there is a fear that causes us to run away from our true destiny. We were created in a certain way to be who we are…be who you are, embrace what you are really like, and watch your beauty shine. Not as a lesbian, but as the woman that God created you to be, who was set free.

Finding A lot

April 11, 2011 By Mrs. Mom 12 Comments

Last week I participated in the Ultimate Blog Party by 5 Minutes For Moms and I must say. It is like I have found a whole new world. It is a word of women blogs that are incredibly interesting and inspiring. There are so many women out there blogging and they have a lot to say. Well, I’m listening. Each blog is unique and many of them offer great tips for the new blogger.

While I have been surfing the net, I am finding that there are a lot of different blog communities out there. They each offer their own benefits and I think it is nice to have many different options. So yes, I am finding a lot of new things. Looking at all of these other sites have allowed me the opportunity to see what possibilities are available out there. Now I have to start applying what I have learned. Did I mention that I have met some really great people? Well, I did. And I’m sure that there are tons of others out there that I still need to meet…obviously.