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Are You a S.T.R.O.N.G Woman?

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I was online when I saw this picture. I get the main point, but sometimes we forget to ask God what’s His point. Do you consider yourself a S.T.R.O.N.G woman? 

You might be saying, “yes! I’m strong!” You could be saying, “I’m just not strong enough.” 

Let’s look at this from the perspective of a S.T.R.O.N.G woman. She is Sensible, Teachable, Reliable, Obedient, Nurturing, and Giving.  She relies on God for her strength and is gracious in her living. This woman is fearless because she trust in God, not because of who she is. 

When I saw the image of Wonder Woman, I really did wonder. So, I’m just going to ask. 

When does Wonder Woman have time to raise a strong woman? Will she also be building a healthy relationship with the child’s father, so that she can have a healthy family background that prepares her for life?

 Ok, I know, that was two questions.

We want to raise our daughter’s to be strong, but we have to know that we have to do it God’s way. If we don’t, our daughters will struggle with the things that we ignored and gave no attention to. They will struggle with our disobedience and rebellion.  They won’t have the power to overcome rejection, anxiety, or depression because we were too busy trying to save the world, instead of answering the call of God on our lives. 

 As a strong woman, are you answering the call to be present in your home and in your relationship with God or are your duties outside of your home requiring you to constantly step away from the call of Wife and Mom? 

5 Reasons Why You Don’t Always Have To Be Strong

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My entire adult life, I have been married and a mother.  I had to mature very quickly in order to fulfill my role as mother and wife. I remember when I was a child, I wanted to hurry up and become a grown woman.  I didn’t know that it would come so soon.

However, when the time came, I stepped into my shoes as mother and wife.  I did my best in everything and I learned how to be strong.  Over time, being strong began to take a toll on me.

My friends seemed to think that I didn’t need encouragement or a helping hand because, I was always doing those things for them.

It wasn’t that I didn’t need it.  It was something completely different.

When I was in the first year of my marriage and had just had my son, I had an encounter. This encounter would begin to shape my life for years and I didn’t understand why until recently.

At this vulnerable and very impressionable stage in my life, I turned to a minister that I thought could help me.  I thought he would lead my husband and I, as we traveled the road of learning to be great parents and spouses.  In my heart, I longed for a word that would show us how to walk with God and with one another.

This leader would speak into my life at various points. I remember going to him because I had found that I was different from my peers at the time.  They were all single and doing things that 20 year olds do.  However, I was a mother and a wife.  I was in the military and I owned my own home.  I had more in common with the 30 and 40-year-old women, than I did with the women that were my age.  His advice to me was simple.  He said show yourself friendly.  If you want a friend be a friend.

That is exactly what I did.  I was there for people as I had wanted them to be there for me, but when I needed them, they were not there.

I have to admit that their unavailability, allow God to be there for me more and more.  However, I began to build up this aspect of myself that had to be strong because if I became weak, no one would be able to help my friends and my friends wouldn’t be able to help me.

I couldn’t understand why thing were this way, but I never gave it any thought until one day.  My family and I were over 2,500 miles away in a new state.  I didn’t know anyone and no one knew me.  I started thinking about all of my relationships and my desire to have people in my life that genuinely cared for me as much as I did for them.  I saw that when I was strong and helpful, people clung to me.  However, I also began to realize that those types of relationships were not healthy for myself of my friends, so I began to make some changes.

When my friends would call, I would listen more.  When they awaited my answer to their problem, I asked them questions about what they were going to do.

At the time I was also going through some training as a Rehabilitation Counselor and I was learning that there is power is asking questions that are not leading.  I started telling myself that in order to truly build up my friends, I had to back off and allow God to do His work through the Holy Spirit in their lives.  I could not solve everything for them.

Setting Boundaries

I stopped answering the phone at 2 o’clock in the morning and worrying about how they were going to fix their lives.  Instead, I fell on my knees and I prayed for them.

When I wasn’t able to handle their lack of desire to do and be better, I said so and then asked them what they wanted me to do to help them.  If their expectations where what I could handle, I did it.  If they weren’t, I simply stated this.  I had to make sure that my friends understood that I was being strong for them, but in another way.  I was setting some healthy boundaries.

Do you know what happened?

My friends started to grow up.  They no longer expected me to be strong and they began to make better choices in their own lives.

Thinking on this helped me to realize that so many women are always trying to be strong.  We are strong because it is always projected that in order to be great you have to be the stronger one.

Why do we fight it?

In our society, it is never encouraged to be the weaker vessel.  Why?

They say that only the strong survive.  They also tell us that what we want, is to survive.

Well, I want to challenge that thought.  I want to thrive.  Not only do I want to thrive, but I want to live  because I am alive.  I am not dead and avoiding death is not the sole purpose of my life.

This is why so many women have trouble submitting to their husbands.  They feel that if they submit, it means that they are weak.

YES!!! It does.  It means that you and I are the weaker vessel in our marriages.  We should be proud of that fact.  What woman, honestly, wants to be married to a man that is weaker than she is?  He could not protect her or their family.  She would have to do it all.

If we are to be honest, in order to thrive as a married couple…be prosperous and develop well, as a married couple, we all have to love each other well.

Do you know that it wasn’t until I took this stand in ALL of my relationships that my quality of life began to improve.

Here are the 5 things that I learned.

1. Always being strong drains you

I found that being strong left me with little energy.  I had to be strong enough to listen to people’s problems and to solve them.  I had to be strong enough to take what they threw my way and not flinch.  I had to always be ready.  This was tiring.

2. If you are always strong, you leave no power for God’s strength

You have probably heard this before, but I am going to tell you again.  God has given us strength for this life, but He also knows that there will be specific points, where He will need to be strong for us.  These times allow Him to show us how much He cares for us.

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 2:10

Yet when we cover up our weakness and pretend to be strong through it all, we leave no room for Him to be God in our lives.  In our strength, we tell Him, “I don’t need You to be strong for me.”

3.  Being strong all of the time tells everyone else in your world that you don’t need them

Just like our strength communicates to God that we don’t need Him, other people in our lives begin to receive the same message.  They feel that they are not strong enough to help us because we have it all taken care of.  We make them think that we are super human, when in reality, we struggle just like they do.

4.  Always being strong can lead to pride and pride leads to a fall

When we are always strong, we can begin to fool ourselves in to thinking that we don’t need anyone.  We feel that no one is capable of helping us and with this, pride begins to move into our lives.  Pride can be very dangerous because it takes away our ability to see all of the needs that we have.  The only way for us to recognize those needs is for something to happen, the fall…

5.  It might be someone’s else turn

Have you ever thought that perhaps your strength was standing in the way of someone else being strong?  I didn’t until it happened to me.  I had a friend that was really strong.  She was so strong that she would not let me help her.  I had never been that way, but her actions caused me to wonder if my other friends had perceived me as such.  I waited a while for an opportunity to show her how much I cherished our friendship, but that opportunity never arrived.  I had asked to help and volunteered, but she never would take any type of help, encouragement, or friendly gesture of caring through gifts.

This relationship showed me that sometimes it’s just not our turn to be strong.  It might be someone else’s turn to be strong and we need to back off.  From then on, I wanted to do my best to allow my friends to be strong for me and I would continue to do the same thing, when needed.

If you don’t get anything else out of this, I want you to know that you don’t have to do it all or be it all to everyone.  All you have to do is be you and give this life all that you’ve got.  Your strength is not who you are.  It is a quality that you possess.  It also does not define you.  You are so much more than one word, strong.  There is great value in you, but in order for you to see it, you’re going to have to step out of your own strength and into God’s strength.  There is a time and place for everything.  Just know that when you decide you don’t want to be strong, there is still greatness in you.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.  Please leave me a comment below or better yet, email me at info@beingmrsmom.com

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Is Your Husband Flawed?

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When I first married my husband, I was convinced that he was a great guy.  I knew that he would always love me and show me that he cared.

As we moved into our second, third, fourth, and even fifth year of being married, I could see his flaws more than I could see them originally.  I considered how I thought he had changed and was determined to help him remember the qualities that he had possessed before, which qualified him for the “great guy” category.

Is your husband flawed?

What I did not know was that he had always been a flawed individual, but because of the love, passion, and desire that I had for him, I could not see them.

When we were dating, my husband would show up early for our dates.  He would ring the door bell and then patiently wait for me, on the couch or in the car.  When we arrived to our destination, we were always early.

Later on in our marriage, he would get ready and promptly remind me of my need to speed up, as I got dressed.  He wanted us to arrive early to our destination, but I was taking my time getting dressed.

Before marriage…not a flaw….

After marriage…flaw…

Over the years, I had tried to change various aspects of who he was, but learned that it was more difficult to change him, than it was to change something in myself.

What I mean is that I started to ask myself why certain aspects of his personality seemed to be flaws to me now, when they were not flaws to me before…

He had always been very punctual…nothing had changed about him.

Had I been unaware of the changes that had occurred in my own personality over the years?  The more I asked this question, the deeper I dug into the root of my issue.  The more I dug, the more I prayed.  The more I prayed, the more God began to show me…myself.

He helped me to see that I wasn’t perfect, but He never considered me so flawed that I could not be loved.  He showed me that He had actually given me time, as He would continue to in the future, to get past certain struggles and be the woman that he created me to be.  He showed me that there were various aspects of myself that would need to be changed before He would consider me mature.  Yet that never changed how He saw me.  It never changed the fact that He considered me precious and lovable.

Learning to see myself through God’s eyes, helped me to see my husband in the same way.  I began to accept who he was and his “flaws” became characteristics that I cherished.  Our differences came to be the strengths of our marriage, when previously, I had considered them weaknesses.

Today, I am a more punctual person.  Although I still struggle with consistency, my husband’s ability to remain consistent will definitely rub off on me, I’m sure.  I consider that my perspective is often times what needs to be changes, not my husband.  God will and does work on him, but my job is to allow Him to work on me.

I love my husband more and more each day.  I cherish the ways that he sharpens me like iron, even when it’s not comfortable at the moment.  When I look back on it all, I am thankful.

If you were to ask me if my husband is flawed, I would humbly say, “Yes, he is, but so am I.  We are both human.”

Can you relate to what I have said here?  Do you find it easier to identify the “flaws” of your spouse that it is to identify your own flaws?  How can you change your perspective and actions to make the weaknesses of your marriage the strength of your marriage?

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Use Your Voice

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Over the past few weeks, I have struggled. I have been praying and seeking God about the direction that He wants me to go in.

I have been blessed with talents and abilities. I have been given opportunities and chances to do such wonderful things. Yet it is very important to me that I fulfill my purpose.

A few years ago, I sat down and wrote out my mission statement. However, knowing my mission does not mean that everything will go the way that I think it will go. Over the past few years I have heard God call me to a place where He desires to use me to help others. Now, as I wait in Him to work it all out, I am tested and tried by life.

I have fought battles in my mind. Thoughts that challenge my existence. They challenge my call. They challenge my abilities, talents, and relationships. I have had to listen to the Holy Spirit within me. He says that I am here for a reason; I am called and chosen; My talents, abilities, and relationships are all purposefully blessed.

In this, I find myself thankful. I might not have it all together. Yes, I am walking it out, but there is one thing that I have learned over the past few years.

I have a voice

God has given me a voice. He has blessed me with a strong one too. So, I choose to use my voice for good. I choose to use my voice to encourage you. I use my voice to bring Him glory.

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Today, I want to encourage you to do the same thing. If you feel like you have it together, ask yourself if you are using your talents, abilities, and voice to bless others.

If you are like me and you are watching God put it all together, I challenge you to find your voice and use it to bless someone else. Use your struggles and challenges. Allow them to make you strong. Not just strong enough to recover from the battles that you have fought. Let them make you strong enough to strengthen, encourage, and motivate someone else.

I hope you find this helpful.

As you watch God, use your voice…

On Parenting

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Wow!!!

Was that Wednesday?  I had my share of ups and downs yesterday.

I had moments when everything went well and others where they just didn’t.

But that’s how life is, right?!

Each and every day…in every season of our lives we are faced with new challenges.  We have to make new decisions.  We have to decide to either commit or not to commit to a task, function, or a role.

I find that these are the times when I begin to reevaluate my priorities.  I look at my progress.  Am I consistent in what I do?  Am I holding myself accountable or do I have someone in my life that can do it for me when I can’t?

Yet, parenting is one of those things where you never know what trials or tests we are going to face.  Parenting tests our ability and our inabilities. It is one of the many roles in life that test or check our character.  Parenting proves if we are who we say we are…who we hope to be…or who we said we would never be…

It is in this, that we have to stand strong in the promises of God…cast all of our cares upon Him…for He cares for us…

When I need wisdom…I ask…He supplies…

Parenting causes me to say “Lord, help me to push when I need to push, but not pass the limit that you have set…that is needed…Help me to hold on when I should and to let go when I need to…Help me Lord to raise them right…pleasing in Your sight. For you gave them to me…Let me stand up for them and with them…when I should against their will to do wrong…to quit, to not try…help me to teach them resilience and accountability.  Help me to show them the way that you have shown me…”

This is my hearts prayer…for me…for my husband…for my children…my grandchildren…

I even pray this for you…that you would be encouraged and strengthened to influence and assist a young person in their growth and maturity.  When you feel like giving up, that God would equip you with the strength to continue to go on and to see the task all the way through…

That was Wednesday…over that hump…

Now, this is Thursday…

In The Times Of Stretching

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Today I told myself that I would write a post about disappointments.  I wanted to write how I handle them and my perspective about the situations that I face.

I mean, who doesn’t face disappointing situations…

Yet, I am not exactly sure how this post will come together because I am no longer just writing about disappointments, but I am also writing about being overwhelmed and our perspective of God in the midst of it.

These times are what I call “The Times Of Stretching.” 

I just read a post and an email about the emotions and thoughts that we all experience sometimes. The authors posed a question.  Does God put more on us that we can bear.  If you want to check out the post that I’m referring to, you can do so here.

Who hasn’t felt overwhelmed and discouraged…worried or depressed?

I want to say that I believe that we have all felt this way before.  I believe that in the midst of a situation or trial, the weight of a thing can feel so heavy that we don’t think that we can carry it.  Yet, just because we feel a certain way doesn’t mean that it is that way.

What do I mean?  Trust me, I understand that it may sound like I’m speaking jibberish, but follow me for a minute…

When we are going through any type of trial or testing, we are very uncomfortable.

It’s like having a baby…there is pain, but we are able to bear it and for those of us that don’t believe that we are strong enough to bear the pain in the end, there is a medication to help up get through it…

Life is this way as well.  In the midst of a trial or a situation, we can feel like the situation will never end.  Or when it finally does, we will be dead somewhere because we weren’t strong enough to make it through.

The thing is…God doesn’t expect us to do any of this without Him.  He knew what we would endure and what we are made of.  He placed certain things in us that only come out when we are tested and tried by fire.

Have you ever thought of the process that a beautiful piece of jewelry goes through before the beauty is revealed?

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Beneath the surface of these rocks is something very beautiful, but the beauty is not exposed simply by gently holding the rock in you hand.

gold-mining-sluice-box-1013tm-pic-1638People search for rocks that have golden nuggets within them.  Yes, they are of high value, but one of the reasons why is because of the unexpected beauty found inside of a thing that seemed to be dead and useless.  Have you ever felt that way?  I have…

Burning Gold CoinsAfter being tried by the fire and put through a process, something beautiful appears.

We are no different…situation, circumstances, and trials… they make us stronger.  The the trial brings about perserverance.  The perserverance brings about character

…for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. ~Romans 5:3-5

Now the question still stands…

Does God put more on us than we can bear?

No, he does not.  He has already given us all that we need to endure the situation.  There are qualities in us and the power of the Holy Spirit, coupled together to strengthen us.  The question is, are we willing to go through the trial or tribulation.

No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it. ~1 Corinthians 10:13

Now although a way of escape has been made, we still have to choose to take it.

You know, most of the time the test, trial, and tribulation has more to do with the Word and power of God in us, than they have to do with us…

We receive the benefits of bearing, overcoming, and enduring a trial, but the trial was there to test the Word in us…

(I digress…)

What happens if we don’t choose to take the way of escape that has been provided for us at the appropriate time?

Well, we have now taken more upon ourselves than we can bear.

God was standing in front of us with a huge sign saying “Take the exit on the right.” Yet we chose to continue to veer to the left.  This is where we begin to blame God for our short comings, over plate filling, and disappointments.

I do not say this as someone who has not experienced this…Trust me! I know this from experience.

It is imperative that we pay attention and get off at the right exit.

But when we don’t, we begin to experience doubt, condemnation, discouragement, and disappointment.  We forget that God always has our best interest at heart and we begin to blame Him for our wrong turn.  ( Did you know that sin is to simply miss the mark?)

We have all done that and I dare to say that we do it daily…that’s why we have and need a Savior.

(Again I digress)

So what are we supposed to do when we have digressed from the path and veered off just a tad bit.  It is at this point that we may begin to feel a bit of anger or discouragement within ourselves.   Here’s what I’ve learned from my experience and how I’ve learned to handle it…

  1. Allow yourself to feel the way that you feel…briefly (DON’T STAY THERE)
  2. Assess the situation…thoroughly (Ask questions like… Why? Did I contribute to it? Can I do anything better next time? How can I move on?
  3. Pray for wisdom.
  4. Accept your part
  5. Ask  God to forgive you & Forgive yourself and others
  6. Make a list of the things you can do to move forward (pray when you are worried, afraid, tempted, troubled, hurting, angry, bitter, ect)
  7. Change your mind about it.  ( You have power over your own mind and you have the ability to change it.  Search the word for what God says about the situation and conform your thoughts to that…this requires believing the word, HONESTLY)
  8. Remember God can and will work it out for your good.
  9. Commit to your plan
  10. Remember that Romans 10:11 says that no one that puts their trust and faith in Him will ever be put to shame.
  11. Do what you can
  12. Let God do the rest

These times aren’t always easy.  In fact they are some of the hardest times in our lives.  Yet, looking back on them, we will see it differently than we feel it now.

The goal is to trust God through the stretching, remember that He is on your side, and be resilient.