When I first married my husband, I was convinced that he was a great guy. I knew that he would always love me and show me that he cared.
As we moved into our second, third, fourth, and even fifth year of being married, I could see his flaws more than I could see them originally. I considered how I thought he had changed and was determined to help him remember the qualities that he had possessed before, which qualified him for the “great guy” category.
What I did not know was that he had always been a flawed individual, but because of the love, passion, and desire that I had for him, I could not see them.
When we were dating, my husband would show up early for our dates. He would ring the door bell and then patiently wait for me, on the couch or in the car. When we arrived to our destination, we were always early.
Later on in our marriage, he would get ready and promptly remind me of my need to speed up, as I got dressed. He wanted us to arrive early to our destination, but I was taking my time getting dressed.
Before marriage…not a flaw….
After marriage…flaw…
Over the years, I had tried to change various aspects of who he was, but learned that it was more difficult to change him, than it was to change something in myself.
What I mean is that I started to ask myself why certain aspects of his personality seemed to be flaws to me now, when they were not flaws to me before…
He had always been very punctual…nothing had changed about him.
Had I been unaware of the changes that had occurred in my own personality over the years? The more I asked this question, the deeper I dug into the root of my issue. The more I dug, the more I prayed. The more I prayed, the more God began to show me…myself.
He helped me to see that I wasn’t perfect, but He never considered me so flawed that I could not be loved. He showed me that He had actually given me time, as He would continue to in the future, to get past certain struggles and be the woman that he created me to be. He showed me that there were various aspects of myself that would need to be changed before He would consider me mature. Yet that never changed how He saw me. It never changed the fact that He considered me precious and lovable.
Learning to see myself through God’s eyes, helped me to see my husband in the same way. I began to accept who he was and his “flaws” became characteristics that I cherished. Our differences came to be the strengths of our marriage, when previously, I had considered them weaknesses.
Today, I am a more punctual person. Although I still struggle with consistency, my husband’s ability to remain consistent will definitely rub off on me, I’m sure. I consider that my perspective is often times what needs to be changes, not my husband. God will and does work on him, but my job is to allow Him to work on me.
I love my husband more and more each day. I cherish the ways that he sharpens me like iron, even when it’s not comfortable at the moment. When I look back on it all, I am thankful.
If you were to ask me if my husband is flawed, I would humbly say, “Yes, he is, but so am I. We are both human.”
Can you relate to what I have said here? Do you find it easier to identify the “flaws” of your spouse that it is to identify your own flaws? How can you change your perspective and actions to make the weaknesses of your marriage the strength of your marriage?
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It’s funny because I’ve always asked my hubby to pint out my flaws and things he struggled with from me to help me grow. He never would he just loved me through it, would patiently ask me questions to think about my actions myself and draw conclusions and showed a great example. Through him being that way, it has helped me to try ( I don’t always succeed) to love him in the same way allowing him to grow at his own pace without ever feeling like I trie to change him.
Sounds like his strength has strengthened you.