I’m sitting here with my journal in front of me. I’m wondering if I want to write about what I’m experiencing right now. It isn’t anything horrible, but it isn’t great either. Do you ever have feelings about someone or something that you aren’t quite sure you want to share? I do. I have a very expressive personality, so I normally feel like finding some way of expressing my feelings and thoughts. In the midst of finding a way, I wonder. I wonder if I really want to share how I feel. Now, although I am currently blogging, I find that I don’t always want to. Its a little confusing. I look at the way that so many people are able to express their thoughts and feelings without any concern. I’m not like that. I am always thinking about what I said or wrote. I ask myself if it will be perceived as what it is. Although it may seem like it, I’m not as worried about what people think of me as I am about the truth being known. I don’t want to be seen one way if that is not the truth.
Now I know I am not responsible for the way that people perceive me, but I must admit…it is hard. The life of a mother is not easy. It isn’t the hardest thing in the world either. Being a mother and a wife add to the pressure of being a woman. When I say pressure, I am saying that the normal life of a mother and wife have a ton of different experiences attached to it. Add to that fact, being a student and a military wife. All of these things coupled together equal a balancing act that most people don’t have to deal with.
There are often a lot of things that I think of and want to blog about, but I am often not sure if I should. I ask myself how much my readers are supposed to know about me. I wonder how much they are supposed to know about my family. I guess the truth is that you can know as much as I tell you. There real question is, how much am I willing to share. This brings me back to my journal.
Today, I am experiencing some feelings that I have never felt before. I’m not quite sure how to deal with these feelings. I don’t really want to talk to any of my family or friends about the way that I’m feeling. I definitely don’t want to Facebook it either. Although I don’t really feel like writing about these feelings, I will. Not on this site, of course. I am going to journal and pray about it. I believe that by doing that, I will be able to grasp my feelings better. After grasping them, I hope to understand and deal with them. Then…I will blog about it.
I wonder how other people deal with their “new feelings?” How do bloggers deal with their emotions? How do writers find a balance between natural expression and writing? How do mothers and wives, with all of their exciting, heart breaking, loving, funny, embarrassing, emotional, eyeopening experiences find a balance between expressing themselves to the world and those around them while keeping things private. It gets kinda hard sometimes.
There are things that I want to share sometimes that I am not sure whether or not I should. Since I can’t decide half the time, I choose not to. Being in a new state offers tons of experiences to blog about, but sometimes I wonder. I ask myself how I would feel if those involved in the experience wanted to keep it private. I’ve had experiences with my neighbors, friends, family, and strangers, that I want to write about, but there is always the question of Netiquette.
Well, I may not have it all figured out, but I pray I will understand it all soon. Then maybe I will be able to talk about my feelings in more detail, but when I act or talk, I want it to be wise…
Until Next Time…