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When Loving Is Hard To Do

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Let me start off by saying that I have not thought this post through. I am just writing because I feel like it. I have no idea where I’m going or how this will end. What I do know is that I feel this.

There are times in life when things just don’t make much sense. The events that occur are not pretty or pleasant, but they happen. When that time comes, we are faced with a serious decision…

How to handle it?

Seriously…I feel like tht question has slapped me in that face. How will I continue to be myself and love those I love without changing. Some people change in the midst of making this decision. They become harsh and mean. Some become arrogant and prideful. Others become so broken by the situation that their life is drastically affected, by the event and the decision.

I know that God loves us even when we are wrong. Yet, He does not turn a blind eye to our sin. He sees it for what it is and deals with us accordingly, but with mercy. This is how He loves us. Our prayers may be hindered, we may have to walk through some hard places, but the truth is that it could all be over quicker that a twinkle of an eye. That all depends on us. All God is waiting on to meet us, help us, and forgive us is repentance. If we decide that we are beyond repentance, He take a few steps back because the Bible says that sin effects people in steps. The ultimate step is death. He longsfor us to live abundant lives and to continually be connected to Him, but the choice is ours.

I said all that to say, God never changes and since God is love, I want to love they way that He loves. There is no magic formula as to how to love someone when it gets hard besides, love like He loves. With this knowledge, I have chosen to seek Him about my current situation. I have to understand how to love someone that has hurt me without destroying who they are or becoming someone else, myself. I want to imitate God and love the way He does. I just see His way as freeing to both the lover and the lovee.

I am almost positive that this will not be easy. I kinda think this is going to take a while. With the little inlking that I have, I pray for the dedication to remain loving throughout this whole process. I realize that this is natural…sometimes loving is hard to do

Real Friends

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Today I was  on the phone with a friend.  Not a person that just sits and listens, but a real friend that talks back.  She knows me.  She knows how I think and often times what I’m going to say.  She is married and a mother of multiple children, just like me.  She normally understands my struggles and my triumphs.  When we got off the phone, I was refreshed as always, when I speak to her.  Our conversation got me to thinking of what a real friend is.

There are a few things about her that I know are qualities of my other good friend…

They listen to me

They talk to me about the good and the bad

They call me on my mess because they love me and are honest

They pray for me

They tell me what the word of God says about my situation

They know when something is wrong and try to do something about it

They are trustworthy

Neither distance  nor time  separates us

Now this is not the full list of qualities of a real friend, but the truth is that with real friendships, both parties prosper. Real friends are those people who are willing to invest in you.  They invest whatever they have to give.  Even if the only thing they have is their heart. (And what a great investment…) When you are married, you husband knows who your real friends are…even if you don’t know yet.  I know my husband does.

I have felt alone at times, but I know it was for the purposes that God has planned ahead of time.  Those times have been for me to grow closer to Him and to grow as a woman, but I also know that my real friends have been sitting in the background praying for me.

Thank God for real friends…

Realizing That I Miss Him

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For the past year, I have been on this wild roller coaster ride of emotions. I have been happy, sad, emotional, tired, and a times I felt hopeless. Now when I think about these things, I am a bit disappointed in myself because I have such a great God who has made such great promises and kept, that I should never feel hopeless, but I did.

“I think an unhappy Christian is an oxymoron. It shouldn’t even be in the same sentence.” ~Joyce Meyer

The truth is that the past year has been really hard. My family and I moved away from all that we knew, besides each other and God. We’ve had to adjust to a new state and way of life. We have been blessed in so many ways by God, but at times the adjusting period was hard. Now, I have not hated life, but I have found myself in a couple tight corners that I could not see my way out of, but God is faithful. He helped me each and every time to come out.

In the past year I have forgotten who I am and who God created me to be. I would even dare to say that I have, at times forgotten how big, strong, powerful , faithful, and loving my God truly is…and because of that I have not exactly enjoyed the rollercoaster of life. I have hidden myself at times because of fear of rejection or even fear of being misunderstood. Yet, like the word of God says, all things work together for our good…so, now I look back and I see that there was a reason for my unhappiness. There was a reason why I was unsatisfied with life. There was a reason why I had forgotten. I had done all that I could do to stay positive, to smile, and look happy, but the truth is that I was in and out of happiness. I could not understand why before, but a few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that I missed God. I didn’t realize how much I missed Him because I had filled my life with all the things I had to do and the places I had to be. The woman I had to be, consumed my time and, like a busy spouse, I was too busy to realize how much I missed Him.

Missing God, meant that although I talked to Him sometimes, the amount of time that He longed to spend with me and that I used to spend with Him wasn’t there anymore. There were times when I did other things instead of spending time with Him.

Picture this…

A husband works long and hard shifts. He leaves home every morning and kisses his wife goodbye. He tells her he loves her and then walks out the door. He doesn’t have time to stop and embrace her nor look in her eyes and say something sweet because he’s on a schedule and has to go. He comes home every night and lays down in the bed with her as he watches his favorite program on tv. They say goodnight, roll over, and go to bed. They never go on a date or do anything alone, without the children. This same cycle continues day after day as the husband works hard, everyday, doing what he feels needs to be done to take care of his family, but what he doesn’t realize is that his wife misses him. She misses the time that he would take to look into her eyes as he said “I love you.” She misses the way that he used to pull her close at different times of their day and kiss her on her forehead, cheek, or hand. She misses the text messages during the day that were simply to say, “I thought about you.” She misses the nights when they would sit and talk and he would ask her what she thought about things…and actually listen for an answer. He didn’t realize how much she missed him because she didn’t say it. She understood how much he had to do at work and what it took for him to accomplish those things. She knew how focused he was on what he was doing. She knew how busy he was and she stayed by his side because she loves him. He could not and would not see how much she missed him until she backed up a little and gave him the space that he demanded. Although she continued to love him, cook dinner, wash clothes, greet him at the door, kiss him goodnight, watch tv with him, and have small surface conversations with him. She remained committed and faithful, but she backed up a bit. When he began to miss her embrace, her kiss, her text messages, he realized that something was wrong. Not terribly wrong, but wrong. His wife missed him and he missed her…now something needed to be done.

This is how it is with God. He remains in our lives because He loves us. He is committed and faithful. He’s there when we need to talk and when we need guidance, but like the wife, He longs for…intimacy. When we become to busy or too preoccupied with life, He doesn’t decide to forsake us or leave us. Instead he backs up a little and gives us the space that we have asked for and declared that we need, with our actions, but He misses us. It’s not until we begin to feel a void, within ourselves, that we miss Him.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~James 4:8

This tells us that there is a time when God backs away, just a little, because we have told Him in some way that we need space. Much like the husband, once we realize what is happening, we are a bit shocked because it didn’t seem to be such an issue before, but with the process occurring over and over again, intimacy is lost and the issue is, well an issue that needs to be fixed.

Today I listened to a podcast by Joyce Meyer and was reminded of what it takes to maintain a relationship with God. I was reminded of what I was missing and I knew ,know I want Him in my life constantly. I want to have an intimate relationship with God because He is the source of my joy. Happiness is dependent upon what happens in my life and the way that I see it, but real joy will last because He is the source. I can look at life through a different perspective when I have spent quality time with God and be happy and full of joy.

With realizing that I miss Him and the He misses me, I commit to spending more time with Him. Time talking, being honest, listening, and enjoying His presence. The intimacy that I have with God cannot be replaced. It’s helps me to be a better mom, wife, friend, and woman.

…And today I smile…for real!

Remembering to Show We Care

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It has been 10 months since I was last able to give a family member a hug that didn’t live in my house. I am over 2,000 miles away from almost everyone who really knows me. There are times when I feel alone because I miss my mom or my best friend and I want to be surrounded by those that I know love me, besides my husband and kids. I’m sure that my kids and my husband feel like that sometime as well. We have each other and we keep each other company. Essentially we are all that we need, right?! We have tons of fun together and are always there for one another, but this move was a totally new experience for us. It was our first military move away from our family and friends. In essence, it has taken some adjusting, but it was a well needed adjustment. We needed to experience life as an individual unit. We needed to see another part of the country with our own eyes. We needed to have different experiences, but sometimes we miss the experiences that we had with family and friends.

I realize that there have been times that I have wondered how much my family and I are really missed. I have felt at times that some are glad that we are gone, but then I have to remind myself that that isn’t true. We are very loved and missed by those on the other side of the country that are dear to our hearts. The more I sit and think about this, I realize that our family and friends may feel the same way.

They may think that we are too busy for them. They may feel that we have forgotten about them. They may wonder if we even think about them. This is why it is so important to find ways to show our family that we care. This can be done through text messages, phone calls, emails, Facebook, twitter, and old fashion postal mail.

I find that there are times I hear the voices of my loved ones as the smile because we have called them. I’ve s en seen them tear up on Skype because they are so happy to see us. It helps me to understand that they miss us too. Although we are miles and time zones apart, we all still care and it’s important that we each never forget it.

I guess, today my heart was with those that we love and have been far away from for a while. I am going to do my best to stay in communication with our family members because they miss us as much as we miss them.

A Bit Satisfied

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Over the past couple of weeks, I have been very busy. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of my children, being a loving wife, and going to college have been my daily chores. Now when I say that, I don’t mean that I had to do each one of these things one day at a time. Instead, I’m saying that I had to do all of them in the same day. Many times it felt like I had to do them all at one time. Now, please know that I am not complaining. I am so blessed to be able to be a stay at home mother. I get to assist my husband in ways that I wouldn’t be able to if I were working right now. Not only that, but I get to be available whenever my children need me.

Now when I’m stressed, it doesn’t seem this way. It feels more like a trap and I’m stuck with so many responsibilities that I can’t breathe. Thank God for reality. Really!!! I’m not trapped, I’m extremely blessed.

Well, being a student has been really hard. There are times when I don’t want to do any work at all. I just want to sit and do life as usual. I have wondered how I would have time to read the books that are required of me and make sure that my family eats dinner. Honestly, I have not had to make sure that anything got done besides my school work. Once I stopped trying to do everything in my own strength, God empowered me, and everything moved smoothly.

For a while, I had fallen behind in my school work. I wasn’t sure how I was going to catch up, but my husband just told me to give it all that I had. He said that I should email my professors and submit the work. I am so thankful that I listened to that wise man of mine. I ended up getting really good grades in my classes. That is the story for last semester.

This semester was the same story, but with a little twist. Instead of being in two or three classes, I was in five. Yes, five. I didn’t think that my school would allow me to take that many at one time, but it happened. I scheduled my classes wrong and they overlapped. Honestly, I was extremely overwhelmed. The good news is that no matter how overwhelmed I was, God still took care of me and my family. Again I had to learn not to do things in my own strength, but to be honest with the Lord about that fact that I didn’t feel like I could do it, but that I was going to put my hand to the plow. I trusted that He would make it happen. Guess what?! He did.

Yesterday, I finished up two of my three classes. One of my good friends texted me with an encouraging note that she was praying for me to get my work submitted on time. It really helped me and I did. I got my work submitted by the deadline. It was like a breath of fresh air. On the way to this point, I was ready to give up and throw in the towel. No, everyone did not always eat at our scheduled dinner time and laundry wasn’t always folded and put away, but my husband still encouraged me to give it my all. As I did, he helped by washing laundry, dishes, and taking care of our children. I must say it again. Thank God for my wonderful husband!!!

That’s right! Now that I have completed that work, I am a bit satisfied. I am satisfied with my life, position, calling, duties, gifts, friends, family, and all the other blessings that I have. I guess it just took a little work for me to see things from the proper perspective. Well, not only work, but trust as well. I had to trust that God would give me all that I needed to get to where I needed to go.

I do have more work to do. The laundry continues, of course. Dinner needs to be cooked. Life does go on, but I’m perfectly fine with that.

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One Moment

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On a normal bases there is so much for a mother to do. There the cooking and the cleaning. The tending and the mending. There are always things that have to be done. It can get a little bit overwhelming at times and that’s the truth. Yet I am also reminded that there is another truth. God will never put more on me than I can bare. Yes times may get hard and we may struggle, stumble and fall. Do you know what we must remember? There is someone readily available with outstretched arms to pick us up at any time.

It is so hard sometimes to remember that we are not alone, but it’s true. We are not alone in anything. There isn’t anywhere that we can go away from the presence of God. Now I don’t say that to sound cliche. Instead I say that a recognized truth in my own life. I have been through some hard times. Afraid to discuss them I hid and felt alone, but He was there. He was always tugging on me to take a minute to come to Him. I was kind of afraid. I had been hurt by so many people that I didn’t want Him to hurt me too. What I needed to realize was that He would never hurt me. In spite of all that I had ever heard from another individual, God isn’t like that.

He cherishes me. I am special to Him. He says that I am the apple of His eye. Do you know what that does to the life of an individual that feels like everything is falling apart? If not, I’ll tell you. It give them hope. It says that someone cares and that is important. There were times when I felt so small and wanted to give up, but He just won’t let me quit. What a loving God! He always finds a way to encourage me.

Today I want to encourage you to stop and realize that you are loved. You are not alone. If you need anything ask the One who can provide it. He is faithful. I can’t even count how many times He has helped me. There have been so many times where He would just tell me that He loves me. I know you may be wondering what I mean. But in my heart I would hear the sound of the Lord telling me that He loves me. The great thing is that He has enough love to share. He loves you too!