Woman, Wife, Mother
Staying focused isn’t always easy, but in gonna get my assignments done. As a mom and a wife there’s a lot to do. Add on a student that’s moving and it’s a totally different thing.
Thank God for his empowering grace the makes the impossible possible.
I can and I will get it all done.
The cooking
The cleaning
The packing
The reading
The paperwork
The scheduling
Caring for myself, my husband, and my children
I can. One thing at a time
This morning I needed a bit of a pick me up. I have a lot to do today and many times with so much going on, it’s easy to get discouraged. Knowing this, I decided to be proactive. I grabbed a quick inspirational read that would get my day going in the right direction.
“The Unbeatable Spirit of Faith” by Gloria Copeland did the trick. Packed with scripture and knowledgable quotes from the word of God, it affirmed in my spirit that
all things are possible with God
So now it’s up and at’em with my day as I believe God is able in every situation of my life.
I am sitting here in my Utah apartment. It is 1:31 am and my eyes feel like they are about to shut at any moment now.
So, why an I still awake?
Why am I sitting here listening to the sound of my fingertips clonking down on the buttons of the keyboard?
Because, honestly, I simply enjoy writing…in this case typing.
There are times when there is so much going on in my head, that the sound of a fire truck passing by could not tune out my thoughts. I think about things all of the time. I’m not exactly sure that it’s a bad thing to think all of the time. 🙂 Still, the fact is that I do. I am always contemplating or analyzing or deciding…something.
Thus writing is a way to get all of those things that I am meditating on out of my head. It is a way to quiet the noise. I find it extremely relaxing. Even when I am not writing about anything in particular, but simply experiencing a stream of consciousness. I enjoy it. It is as the river of my thought flow that I feel as if I am taking in deep breaths of air…Selah
Those are the moments when I feel God releasing me from the chains that have kept me bound, whatever chains they are…doesn’t matter. I feel His presence as I sit and I write…again…Selah
Yes, I had another moment and I absolutely loved it! To feel the words leaving my being and the presence of God all around me as I effortlessly do one of the things that I was created to do is splendid.
So, at 1:39 am, I have found my rest. I have taken a moment, well 7 of them, and experienced the peace of God in my life trough my writing.
I am glad that I decided to write.
Like This Tree I Too Will Be..
That is what I am saying, but most of the times, I don’t feel like I am enough. I have to convince myself of this. Honestly…
Over the past year, when I started blogging, I have been confronted with an aspect of myself that I must have kept hidden for a long time…my humanity.
No, I’m not being funny, but as a woman Christian woman in today’s society, I am expected to be anything but human. My posture, tone, deeds, feelings, and appereance are suppose to be divine. In many ways this is impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I am becoming like Christ daily, but the pressure that I feel from the expectations, both inner and outwardly, make being a person impossible.
Yes that sounds crazy, but over the past year I have felt and dealt with some real emotions. I was afraid to express them. Even more than that, I was afraid to feel them. I stopped blogging because I wasn’t sure how to speak, let alone blog about my feelings.
I have decided that I am going to do something for myself. I am going to allow myself to feel. I am going to allow myself to live. I am going to allow myself to live honsetly. I will express my emotions in the best constructive way that I know how.
I am going to trust that I am as God sees me. I am enough, even when I feel weird.
I’m not going to try to be more than I am or omit what I am for the sake of thinking that it will make me more. I will be me…
That’s the honest truth.
Perhaps like Robin Far discusses in her post Finding Your Why, my word for this year should be honest.
There are a few questions that I’m asking myself about my blog:
Some may think that I’m thinking too much about this, but that’s how I am. Over the next couple of days or weeks, who knows, I’ll be asking myself these questions about my blog.
If you’re a blogger can you answer some of these questions about your blog?
If you’re not a blogger can you tell me what you think?
Thanks…
Some people may think that it is easy being a mother and a student. If you asked them what it would take to do it, they would tell you that all it would take is a little hard work and dedication. Well, I think know, it takes much more than that.
Have you ever tried to schedule time to read for an online class in the middle of the day when your children are wide awake? I have. Sure there are other times when getting the work is possible, but these are also normally times when a normal person would be sleeping like 3am. How about getting up a little bit earlier to get the work done? Well, in my house, my daughter wakes up most mornings at 7am, so I would have to get up a 5am and I probably wouldn’t get to sleep until after midnight. For me that just isn’t the best thing. I remember someone telling me something when I first had my children. “When the baby sleeps, you should do your best to get some sleep too. Well, if this it isn’t that easy, what does it take to be a mom-student?
Patience
I’m a Mary Kay Independent beauty consultant, (that’s a mouth full) and while I was trying to do the readings for my class today, my daughter was screaming, my boys were arguing, and all I could think of was this picture that we for a campaign one year.
Yes that’s how I felt, but I knew that I had to get my work done. This was going to require…patience
Resilience
It’s true that I should have my schedule worked out to the t. My kids should have activities to keep them busy, entertained, and active. Then I’ll be able to get my work done. The truth is, that sounds really nice, but this is summertime, my husband is in the field(military for not home), and I have tons of work to do for my home and for school. It feels like a mad house, except I’m not crazy. 🙂
So, I have to be able to bounce back in the midst of all of the chaos. It’s ok that she decided to scream for what felt like 20 minutes. I decided to put my school schedule on pause for a moment and get my kids some lunch, to sit and talk with them, and to take a minute to regroup.
Doing these things meant that I was off schedule, but that’s ok.
Drive
Although it seems like nothing is going the way that I had planned and I am behind in my school work, again, I am pushing forward to accomplish my goal.
I have to be driven by my desire to accomplish my goal. I have to press forward knowing that God will help me achieve it. I have to see myself doing what I desire. I dare to dream.
That drive is what keeps me pressing forward. No matter how hard it gets. I can’t give up. I have to know that it is worth it to press through than to throw in the towel.
That’s right I’m sucking it up and driving on!
So the next time that someone asks you what it takes to be a mom-student, you tell them that it takes patience,
resilience, and drive…
And I’ve got that!
When I wake up in the morning in Utah. I still consider it to be a strange place. Although I have lived here now for more than a couple of months, it still feels strange. I haven’t exactly made friends and my life sometimes feels a little foreign. These are the times when I really need to relate to someone else, another woman. When I search for blogs that may allow me to connect with other women, I normally find ones that are so positive that they seem unreal. I have been a mother for 10 years now and I know personally that everything isn’t always great. No! They are not always horrible, but honestly it’s a wild roller coaster ride.
I originally started my blog with the intention of being honest about my life, but the more blogs I read by other mothers, the harder it became to be honest. I really needed to do this, be honest. Not for anyone else. It was simply for me. I was reading stories that sounded like the perfect pictures that accompanied their posts and I thought that my blog would stand out like a sore thumb in a way that I didn’t want it to. I thought that I wouldn’t have any readers and that everyone would think that I was being extremely negative, when all I really wanted was an outlet to be honest and connect with other women like myself.
Well, that was a little over a year ago and now I need to blog more than ever. My family’s life has changed in so many ways that sometimes its hard for all of us. I normally enjoy writing and talking, but blogging is just different. I know that my thoughts will be read and that someone may respond. That is good for me because I want to converse about these things. I just don’t always want to converse with my family, my mom, or friends back home who just don’t understand. I don’t want to post my every thought on Facebook for my mom and everyone else that I care about to see. Yes, I know that my blog is public and that’s ok. But the difference is that I’m not typing all of these things for the people that I know to read, I’m doing it for that same reason that a writer writes a book, because they have something to say and this is how they do it best. This is a type of therapy for me and I know that other women feel the same. So many blogs are created per day…blogging speaks for itself.
So, I have realized my needs and I have begun to look for blogs that are not overly negative, but that are realistic. I want to read the stories of women like myself who don’t want to reveal all of their family problems, but who are not afraid of talking about somethings that are on their minds and in their hearts. This morning I really needed this. It was like being in group therapy. Sometimes we as women, human beings, wives and mothers need to know that we are not alone. I need to read, hear, or know, that I am not the only person dealing with anxiety in some areas of my life. Yes, the Lord said that we should be anxious about anything, but as a human it’s hard and I strive to move past it, while I trust Him. I need to understand that I am not the only person dealing with relational issues with friends. I need to grasp the fact that I’m not the only person that may not have a clean kitchen, right now. I don’t want total negativity, but I do want realism.
I plan on cleaning my kitchen, making my relationships better, reading all of the books on my list, being the perfect mom and doing my best to be positive…but in the meantime, I’m going to give myself permission to feel and express what is really on my heart and mind. If I don’t I may go crazy and nobody wants that. 🙂
So I have something to say to all of you moms out there that are being honest and still having integrity (allowing your family some privacy) on your blogs. Thank you. You help me accept myself as a woman. You help me have the courage to be myself at all times. You help me to see what reality is in my life. You encourage me to be better as you strive to be better. You encourage me not to fear the my emotions, but to realize that I feel them and find ways to deal with them. You help me understand that no one is perfect. Thank you so much for your courage, honesty, and the faith that you have in God to know that He will help you get through it all.
This is why I enjoy being a momblogger and reading other momblogs.
Until next time~