Like This Tree I Too Will Be..
- I am a woman
- I am a mother
- I am a daughter
- I am a wife
- I am a sister
- I am a friend
- I am a writer
- I am a teacher
- I am a Christian
- I AM ENOUGH
That is what I am saying, but most of the times, I don’t feel like I am enough. I have to convince myself of this. Honestly…
Over the past year, when I started blogging, I have been confronted with an aspect of myself that I must have kept hidden for a long time…my humanity.
No, I’m not being funny, but as a woman Christian woman in today’s society, I am expected to be anything but human. My posture, tone, deeds, feelings, and appereance are suppose to be divine. In many ways this is impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I am becoming like Christ daily, but the pressure that I feel from the expectations, both inner and outwardly, make being a person impossible.
Yes that sounds crazy, but over the past year I have felt and dealt with some real emotions. I was afraid to express them. Even more than that, I was afraid to feel them. I stopped blogging because I wasn’t sure how to speak, let alone blog about my feelings.
I have decided that I am going to do something for myself. I am going to allow myself to feel. I am going to allow myself to live. I am going to allow myself to live honsetly. I will express my emotions in the best constructive way that I know how.
I am going to trust that I am as God sees me. I am enough, even when I feel weird.
I’m not going to try to be more than I am or omit what I am for the sake of thinking that it will make me more. I will be me…
That’s the honest truth.
Perhaps like Robin Far discusses in her post Finding Your Why, my word for this year should be honest.
I always think “He knows me, made me. He is aware of my heart and my intentions..and if he had an issue He would have told me.by now.” 😉
I think in asking if we are enough, we often we prove we are, simply because we care enough to inquire and look inside ourselves.
I have not picked a word for 2012 but this and Robin’s may just inspire me to do so…it’s never too late right?
I think your word is well chosen…go live that life.
What you said is so true. I never thought of it that way. No, it’s not too late to late to pick a word for this year. I just actually picked mine last night, but I guess I’ve been dealing with it since last year too. Thanks for your encouraging comments.
Being honest is hard, but a good goal to have. Blogging certainly makes me more accountable – I promised myself to never write things that were humiliating about my family or friends but to try and really focus on myself. Wow – what a task! It is so much easier to write about everyone else, isn’t it?
And too have to believe that I am who I am by design – no mistake. Flaws and all. Or perhaps they aren’t actually flaws, but the things that make us human and teach us about compassion for others.
So few words. Yet so full of meaning. Thank you so much for stopping by and having a quick sit down with me, virtually that is. 🙂 I will be meditating on these words for a while because I want to be honest, but I don’t want my honesty to destroy everyone else around me. There are so many things that our words can do. You put it rather well…Thank you again…
What a beautiful post about the struggle to incorporate faith fully into your life.
I think it’s okay to not be perfect all of the time. That’s a lot of stress to put on yourself and I think we miss a lot of the good things that make us human when we focus only on perfection. There’s beauty in the flaws, too. And truthfully, I think perfection’s a little overrated. Authenticity and honesty is much more appealing. I like knowing something is real, not a facade.
It’s not an easy thing, being human and a person and honest all at the same time. But I think that if you move forward with faith and love in your heart, you’re coming at it from the right perspective.
You are so right, but it is so hard trying not to be perfect. I believe that it will be a daily process for me. I often times over think situations and I don’t think this is any different. You have really encouraged me. Thank you for commenting.