Woman, Wife, Mother
In our lives we have so many opportunities to think on things. We focus our thoughts on the good, the bad and various spectrums of two in between.
Today, let us be reminded of the goodness of God. May we be reminded of His greatest, His majesty, He patience, His kindness, His love, and so much more.
I want to share this scripture with you today.
Today I am sharing this bible verse. I was encouraged by the Psalmist’s words. He found strength and protection in the Lord, as I do. The Lord is so faithful. Let Him be the source of your joy today.
There is a saying that goes something like this, “when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade…” Have you ever heard of it? I’m sure that you have.
That sounds like a great saying, but have you ever wondered what is going on between the receiving of the lemons and the making of the lemonade? Well I have.
I have wondered what the person is thinking and feeling. I have also wondered when it becomes clear that it is time to make some lemonade.
While dealing with these thoughts, it may be hard to focus on the good, to wait for things to get better, or to even know how to feel. At times like this, I think it might seem easier to pretend.
Upset and frustrated, I have often looked at a situation without knowing what to do or how I was supposed to feel.
Naturally, I am an optimist. Still there are times when I cannot see the bright side and I feel lost. It is at these times that I start to wonder if it would just be easier to pretend that I am not going through anything at all.
Have you ever felt like that?
Pretending means that you get to ignore the situation. You don’t have to talk about it, think about it, or acknowledge anything is happening at all. However, this does not magically stop us from feeling the stress and emotions of the situation. In fact, I think it would make it worse.
By pretending, we would be telling ourselves that the situation did not occur the way that it did. We would also be denying ourselves the right to feel the way we do about what occurred. Denying ourselves of our emotions is not wise because acknowledging our feelings allows us to process situations. Processing the situations, stimulates growth in our lives.
There have been many times when I have wanted to stop thinking about a situation. I have wished that it never happened. I have also tried to ignore my feelings about it all. The result is…well ugly.
When I have tried this in the past, I have become very nonchalant and emotionless about various aspects of my life. It is as if ignoring the situation allowed a totally different process to start in my life…I became cold and despondent.
Generally, that is not me. I care, I feel, I wonder. Yet, ignoring situations and my feelings about situations change me.
When I allow myself to see the situation, no matter how painful, I feel the emotions attached to it; when I feel those emotions, I process them. In processing them, I begin to learn from the situation. Learning from situations offers wisdom and helps me to trust in God.
I used to ask why God would allow me to go through somethings. I could not see with my eyes, why He would, in all of His infinite wisdom, allow me to endure such situations. It wasn’t until I read Romans 5:3-5
“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
I realized that the tribulations, no matter how big or small, make me better. They encourage me to a place of being better and hoping in God more.
Now do you see why it is never good to pretend. We don’t have to treat others badly and act in a way that is unbecoming, but we should recognize the tribulation and allow the process of feeling, becoming, and overcoming to take place in our lives.
Today, I want to encourage you, as I have been encouraged myself. We have been given some lemons and it’s time to make some lemonade.
Sometimes, you may not know how to feel, what to think, or how to act, but continue to trust God. He knew what would happen and He has something great prepared for you in the end. Recognize how the tribulation produces perseverance in you. Take note of how the perseverance produces character in you. Understand how the character produces hope in you. When it is all said and done, look back and see how you are better and the hope that you have in God has not failed you. Remember that it never will.
I hope you have found this helpful and that you will remember these things.
When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade…
Until next time…don’t pretend and be blessed.
I have been sitting here thinking of what to share with you about my day.
It was very busy and full of emotional ups and downs.
The ups were about my day. The downs were about my past month.
There were things that happened, conversations that I had, and questions that I asked, which are still on my mind.
Today, I realized, more than ever, that we may not get to choose the circumstances of our lives, but we do get to choose our reactions to them.
So this is what I want to share with you today.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8
The things that we think will help us act in a way that we can be proud of. The actions of others may cause us to consider doing things or saying things that are out of character, but prayer and proper thinking will help us to see life in a different light.
So try to make good decisions and have a good day.
Until next time…
Today, I would like to share with you a bible verse. May you be blessed encouraged by the Word of God.
Happy Saturday!!! Its time to do a quick thorough cleaning so that you can enjoy the rest of your day…but first let me give you a few tips and encouragement…
There are so many ways that you can clean. If you aren’t in the mood to do it or you have other things on your mind, it could be a long and boring process.
You could get sidetracked and be ineffective in you cleaning…no one wants that.
Over the years, I have observed my own cleaning habits and realized that there is a way to motivate myself and use these 10 tips to get it done, quickly and thoroughly…
Since you are reading this, it can be assumed that you would like to or have to clean today. However, I suspect that you don’t want to spend your entire day doing it. So, what else would you like to do? Maybe you would like to read a good book, spend sometime with family, go out for a nice meal, or even watch a good movie.
By knowing that you would like to do these other things today, you will motivate yourself to clean faster and get the job done.
Which leads to tip 2
Our human minds are generally motivated by some sort of reward, whether it be by a positive reward or negative reward.
Yes, I did say negative reward. Let me explain…
When you give yourself something to encourage an activity, that is a positive reward. For instance, you would like to read 20 books, so you decide that at the completion of reading those 20 books, you will give yourself a budget of $40 total or $2 per book that you read, to buy books. (I like reading and reading analogies.)
Then there is the negative rewards, which was probably the statement that placed a question mark over your head in the first place. This means that you take something away in order to encourage a positive action or when you are doing something undesirable. Using the same analogy above, the negative reward would be that for every book that you did not read, you would take away $2 from the overall book buying budget of $40.
The reason why I am suggesting this is that you will find that if you have a few things that you would like to do after you are finished cleaning. If you have not met your own expectation, rewarding yourself in this way will help you to stay motivated. You will either gain something or lose something based upon your cleaning actions.
It is important that you decide how long you will clean. Give yourself a start time and an end time to get all of the cleaning done for the day. Will you clean for 2 hours? What time will you start? What time will you end?
Remember, it’s Saturday and we should be spending time with family and/or friends, doing things that we enjoy. If not, you should at least be spending sometime doing something that you enjoy.
It is very unlikely that you can clean your entire house thoroughly and quickly in one day. This is why you need to decide which rooms you will focus on cleaning thoroughly and which ones you will do a light cleaning.
You may decide that you will thoroughly clean your bathrooms today and then lightly clean your living room and dining room.
Write these things down and remember that the objective is to clean quickly and thoroughly. The rooms that you lightly clean, like your living room, can be thoroughly cleaned on another day of the week.
Be sure to check off the rooms that you have cleaned as you do them.
Every room has a messy point where you normally drop things down. It can even be a space that collects a lot of dirt, paper, or trinkets. This should be one of your focal points for that particular room. For those rooms that you are lightly cleaning, at least decide to tackle those focal points.
This is a tip that I acquired from the Fly Lady over 10 years ago. I hold on to this tip because I have found it very helpful. Her tips are so helpful, you should check out her site.
Decide the increments that you will clean in. I recommend using the 15 minute increments. I use a stop watch and allow it to sound automatically. You can use your phone, kitchen timer, or find an online timer.
When you are cleaning in increments, you give yourself time to focus and refocus on various tasks while cleaning. You offer yourself a bit of adventure and stop yourself from getting board with the task. You might even speed up, knowing that you are supposed to be finished with a specific task in a certain amount of time. You will also begin to notice how much you are getting done with each time that the alarm sounds. This will also motivate you to continue.
As I stated above, I recommend that you clean in 15 minute increments. Do this three times and then when your alarm goes off the 4th time, on the 45 minute mark of the hour, take a break. For more clarity, understand that if you start at 10am, you will clean until 10:15. Once the alarm goes off, you will refocus. Do that again at 10:15 and again at 10:30. Once your alarm sounds at 10:45, give yourself a break.
At your break, sit down and do nothing. Studies have shown that if you take 15-20 minutes to do nothing and rest, you will be thoroughly replenished and rejuvenated.
*Perhaps my word for the day should be thoroughly…*
This is a tip that I have had to tell myself over the years. I clean my house all week-long and there are many times where I wonder why my husband seems to do it faster than I do. I have learned from his wisdom and I want to share it with you.
Everyday is not a day to clean thoroughly to the point where the house is spotless and immaculate. That being said, we are aiming for clean and that is a personal standard. I am however saying that if today is not the day to focus on the kitchen, don’t begin to pull out the refrigerator and stove to clean behind them.
It’s Saturday, remember the plan back in Tip #1…that’s why I had you do it.
This tip is something that I highly encourage. Although it says play some music or watch a movie, there are so many options for things that you can do to help you clean.
The purpose in doing this is so that you are not thinking about the mound of laundry that you are folding. Who likes the repetition of grabbing, folding, and putting down? I know I don’t. However, I do like to do it while I am watching a movie, listening to an audiobook, watching a YouTube video, or listening to some music.
You will find that this tip will help you get your cleaning done quicker that you thought.
I know that you just read that tip and wondered if you were still reading the same article.
Yes! I said it…you can clean and not stress. You can also have a little fun while doing it. See how long it takes you to do the tasks that you have set up. Make it a game for yourself. Enjoy the music or videos that you are listening to and watching. As your house begins to look the way you want, smile and realize that you are doing a great job. Remember the rewards? This is the time to remind yourself of them and to do your best.
My hope for you is that after reading this, you will be ready to tackle that Saturday cleaning, so that you can then have fun with your family and friends, read a great book, or go out to dinner. I hope that you have found encouragement within this post. As you apply the tips that I have given you, decide which ones you would like to tweak a little and which ones work best for you. Come back another day and tell me how it went…
Until next time, Happy Saturday!
Happy Friday everyone. As I announced yesterday, I will be doing a Q & A every Friday. Our first question comes from Elizabeth.
Hello! I, too, am a grateful SAHM. But, I am in what seems to be a very small group of SAHMs with older children (one tween and one teen) who does not homeschool. Lately, I’ve had several conversations with moms my age who’ve said, “What would I do with myself if I didn’t work?” I, personally, don’t have any problem finding things to do (two words: band mom). But what is your perspective on this subject? It seems it’s acceptable to be a SAHM of babies: so much to do there. And of preschool and elementary kids: hello, PTA mom! But I’m feeling a little lonely here in SAHM/public-school/older children land! 🙂
Well, that is a question that I think most stay at home moms think about and may never actually discuss. Yet, it is something that I have often asked other stay at home moms about because I am interested in their answer and would like to see what plan they have for life.
In today’s society, women are pressured to have a duality that can often be frustrating. They are supposed to be strong, but feminine. The strength that they are expected to have is an emasculating strength (it takes away from our men) that says things like “I don’t need a man to be ok,” or “I will pursue my career and take care of my family.” While there isn’t anything wrong with these statements in themselves, the implication is that the woman is on an island by herself, having to make decisions for herself and her family because there may be an absence of a man or the man might not be present, even when he is. This lack of trust in the men that are in our lives, socially, leads the 21 century woman to struggle with being dedicated to her God, her husband, her children, her church, her career, and so much more.
All of these pressures and ideas lead to the destruction of the family. Who has time and energy to tend to the needs of the family, ward off dangers, and nurture home life, when they are bombarded with these types of ideas and worries.?
I have said all of this because I believe it is at the root of why we struggle with these questions in the first place.
When I first became a mother, I worked.
You know, I need to back up a bit…before I became a mother, I worked.
I had seen my mother work my whole life and I assumed that this was what I was supposed to do. She took care of me and worked; and I never saw nor understood her struggle. That “struggle” would become very apparent as my husband and I came to expect our first child.
I was in the military and was expected to do everything that I did before I was pregnant. Now, if you have never been in the military, you might be thinking, “yes, you should be able to do it all.” However, I want to challenge your thinking a moment and place you in my pre-mother, military woman, new wife shoes…
As a new wife, I had not yet learned the ins and outs of taking care of my home, nurturing my marriage, or meeting the needs of my husband. I was supposed to be learning how to maintain my home and make it a place that he wanted to come home to. It was supposed to be a sanctuary where he could unwind after work and our marriage could grow; a safe haven for me and my young family. Instead of doing what I was called to do, I was trying to be like my mother, who was a single woman and mother. I was nurturing myself, keeping my house clean, preparing for work , and taking care of me. I took tended to my husband and children, but I was very distracted. This me, had no clue…
As we came to expect our first child, the military did not tell me that I would not have to get up at 6am to go do physical training. By physical training, I mean run, do crunches, and even push-ups until my belly was too big to do so. Now this sounds great to the superstar mommy that wants to get back in a bikini right when she has the baby. She gets on stage and dances, like she has no morning sickness. Yet I am not, nor have I ever been that woman. I had to continue to do most of the things I had done prior to expecting a child.
I was 19-year-old GI Jane, but I was tired moody, with occasional morning sickness and life confusion. I began to wonder, at 3am as I put on my uniform to report for a urinalysis, how anyone could or would expect me to be a mother and a wife while being in the military. I saw mothers that had 6 month old children deploy, leave the country for one year or more to fulfill military duty. Fulfilling their duty to the country meant leaving their children with families and friends. My frustration with all that I was handling led me to realize that I could not do all of this.
By this, I meant be everything to everyone. A few years later, I had gotten out of the military, I was pregnant with our second child, and trying to adjust again. I had worked outside of the military, placed my oldest son in daycare and left many of my relational needs with my husband stagnant. I did not have time to nurture a healthy relationship with my son or my husband because I was so busy working and trying to meet the worldly standard of “becoming somebody.” Now don’t get me wrong, I tried to maintain my relationship with them…I did what I knew to do, but I was divided. I was trying to focus on to many things at one time
The pregnancy of my second child led me to decide that it was time for me to put my family first. The needs of my family and the pressure of the worldly standard were in competition due to my desire to be a godly woman, wife, and mother. I could not see how I could do it all without not doing it all. Something would be lacking. I had to make the decision. I decided to pursue my degree in preparation for the future, but I would remain conscious of the needs of my family. More than I would be conscious of their needs, I would tend to them.
That was 9 years ago. I have had three more children since then and seen my family grow in such great measure. I have a healthy relationship with my husband that I believe we are both pleased with, although always a work in progress. 🙂 I have, with much struggle completed my bachelors degree; and have had to be dedicated with a focus on what’s important, as I walk through this current season of working on my masters degree. This personal history of struggling within myself to do it all has stayed with me throughout the years. Some women can do it all, but I have found within myself that I cannot be the mother, wife, and woman of God that I desire to be or that God wants me to be if I am also a full-time working woman.
My decision has been a progress. Currently I have three of my four in school. My fourth child is two years old. However, I have found that my 12, 8, and 6 year olds have needed me to be able to be available to them during school hours and when they get home. If I were working outside of the home, they would not be able to have my full attention, neither would my husband.
As a homemaker, there are a lot of things that go into maintaining my home and relationships with my family. The culture is crumbling, but my family has a strong foundation in Christ, so that they can be people of integrity. I admire the Proverbs 31 woman who did it all, but I have to know my limitations and do what I can.
For each woman, that will look differently. Currently I am working on my masters degree in Life Coaching, for this very reason. One of my desires is to help women transition in and out of the workplace in a way that they find will meet the needs of their families and the desires of their hearts. Part of my journey is maintaining a balance that allows me to be available to my family and to be effective in my education. My education is preparation for the next season of my life, but it should not take away from the season that I am in.
I believe that it takes great strength to be both of these women, a homemaker and a full-time working mother. We just have to know our limitations and understand the calling that God has given each one of us. For me, I feel that I sacrifice something to do everything. When I am being paid to work outside of my home, my family suffers and I am not answering my first callings as a godly woman, wife, and mother.
I do not struggle with not knowing what to do while I am at home. I stay very busy with my education, my hobbies, the actual homemaking process, and maintenance of my relationships. Although, this frame of mind is a struggle because I am a 21st century woman, I seek to be pleasing to God in all that I do and look for his guidance. There may come a time where I will be a full-time working woman, but God will work that out.
For the woman who is reading this, I want to say that things happen in life that show us what our families need. There may come a time when you will need to help out in various ways, by working, but there will be other times when you will need to be to your family, what no one else can be. This season is between you, God, and your husband. Don’t allow anyone to put pressure on you to be on either side of this equation. Let God lead you. Pay attention to the needs of your family. Do you see, as I did, that my relationship with my husband would have been better if I weren’t distracted with the needs of my job? Do you see your children wanting you to be more involved or do they need you at school? Are you available to help with homework and to be at the games? If you find that you can do it all and still have peace…do it. However, if you struggle with any aspect of what I am saying, take the time to pray, talk to your husband, and decide what is best for your family.
Each season will have its beginning and will come to an end.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven
~Ecclesiastes 3:1
I hope this has answered your question. 🙂
If you have read this today and would like to submit a question, please visit the Q & A page.
