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Encouragement

Dealing With Rejection 

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This morning, want to share something with you. I shared it on my Instagram, but I wanted to make sure that I share it with my blog readers as well. I hope that you find encouragement in this.

We have all struggled before with being unwanted, unloved, forgotten, uninvited, rejected, and lonely. The pain of these moments and feelings cause us to bury specific thoughts about ourselves deep within.

Ultimately, we hold on to and carry around the message, from these feelings, of I am unworthy and unlovable. No one could ever say that they have not wrestled with these things. For they come at us at times when we least expect it, by those that we did not expect it from.

However, if we would take a moment to surrender and trust God, we would hear Him say, as our hearts struggle with all of this pain… “I will never let you go.” And if we can believe as our hearts long to, that He means every word of it, we could begin to walk free. Free from our pain. Free from our pasts. Free from the rejection and fear. We could live as who we truly are, not trying to be perfect, so that we may be accepted. Instead just being ourselves.

[bctt tweet=”we would hear Him say, as our hearts struggle with all of this pain… I will never let you go.” username=”beingmrsmom”]

Today, I challenge you, as, I have, to look up. Stop what you are doing. Find a window, step outside…do something that would allow you to take a look up at the sky, that you cannot touch. The one that proclaims, with its very existence, the reality of God’s presence, and hear the Lord say

“I will never let you go. I knew you before you were born. I’ve known you every moment of your life. I still know you now. I love you. I will always love you. I will hold you with my arms and never let you go.”

Then take a breath and realize that you mean more to Him than you could ever imagine.

Have a great day. #youareloved #loveofGod

Allowing the Word of God to Change Your Mind & Renew It

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If you are like me, living in the 21st century, which I assume by the fact that you are reading this, that you are, there are situations that come up all of the time that warrant your opinion.  This may not be a public warrant, but there is an inward conversation that takes place.

Just stop to think for a moment.

When changes are happening in your life, community, and the world, you have an opinion.  You may not clearly understand or express this opinion to anyone, but have it.  I want to ask you a question.  What is your opinion based on?  Is it based on facts, the past, your hurts, or the Word of God?

Some people would be inclined to say that their opinions are based on truth, but truth, unless godly is subjective.  There is THE truth, but most situations are base on an occurrence that can be understood differently depending on the perspective of the viewer.  This is now what I am asking you to consider.

I want you to think about the foundations of your opinions because I want to convince you that it is more prosperous to base your opinions on things that cannot be changed or shaken, like the Word of God…THE TRUTH.

I am currently working on a post to be published to this site because one of my readers asked me a question.  This question was an opinion based question, but the truth about me is that I try not to express my opinions unless I know the stand that the Bible takes on it.  Thus, I am taking a bit longer to write it, than I expected.

I have to research the topic and pray for guidance.  I learned this a long time ago.  When I had just gotten married and became a mother, I was full of my own opinions.  God was in the process of changing me and having my own opinions, based on my truth, made it hard for the change to transpire within me.  I found that I had to submit my will and opinions to the Lord, through the Word of God, in order for the change to happen.  That’s why I began to acknowledge my own opinions, but give myself permission to change them based on the word of God.

I found that I needed to have the authority of the unchanging Word to solidify my thoughts and beliefs.  No one can change God or the TRUTH of His Word.  When we stand on His solid foundation, we are strengthened and become confident in who He is and what He has said.  This in turn makes us better and renews our minds.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.  ~Romans 12:2

This renewal process that takes place within our minds changes our entire being.  Our lives become proving ground for the perfect will of God.  We become His living examples of what He finds to be acceptable and good.  This is hard to do when we are stuck in our own ways.

Don’t want to let go of your opinion?  That is what is going to continue to lead you all the days of your life.

If you are being lead by your own opinion, someone may come to you with their own truth.  That person may be more confident, older, or more experienced.  They may have a strong presence that commands your attention and demands you to reconsider their perspectives.  If this happens, you are or can become completely shaken.  Do you know what happens when you and your thoughts are shaken?  You become a double minded man.

For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.  ~James 1:7, 8

Do you remember that I was telling you about being more prosperous because of the fact that you have chosen to submit your opinions to the Lord?  Well this is where the prosperity comes in handy.  You can’t receive anything from God when you are double minded.

You are praying and praying.  Crying out to the Lord.  Yet, you see no fruit from your labor.

Do you wonder why? Well the Bible says that you ask amiss.  And a lot of times its because you asked, but you didn’t do what the Lord told you to do.  There is a prerequisite.  He tells you.  Do not be conformed to the world.  Renew your mind.  Do not expect anything from the Lord, when you have chosen to be double-minded and unstable in your ways.

You have to choose the Lord’s way.

Do you want Him to open doors for you or do you want to go beating down the doors yourself?

I would choose to allow the Lord to do it.  I’ve tried it the other way and it doesn’t work.  When you beat on doors, you hurt your hands and your feelings get hurt.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  ~Joshua 1:8

Do you see that?  You have to meditate on the word of God.  You have to keep it in your mouth, both day and night.  You have to watch and observe to do all that it says.  This is how you will prosper.  Not by following every wind of doctrine of every so called celebrity or successful guru that comes your way.  Not even from being strong and wise in your own eyes.

Start listening to people that base their foundational thoughts and lives upon the word of God.  People who don’t mind saying that they were wrong.  People who do as they believe.

As you fill your mind, time, and relationships according to the Word of God, doors will open.  You will see that your life will take a new turn.  You will be more satisfied and, I know, that you will be changed for the better.

If you are wondering how to get started with this process, I suggest that you simply spend time reading the word of God.  From there you can begin to hear and recognize the voice of God.  Then you will be ready to study the word.  Just remember that becoming the woman that God desires you to be is not a quick journey.  It is a lifetime full of experiences that change as you change and are obedient to the Lord.

Until next time, thanks for reading.  I hope you were encouraged.

Lessons Learned this Week

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It is the end of the week and the first week of a new season, in my life.  I have spent the entire week doing all that was required of me and more.  My children just went back to school on Monday and I started a new semester in graduate school.  Not only that, but I am now in a new program/college, so I’m having to adjust to how things work.  With all that has been going on, I have not been able to write as I had desired, but I did take some time to reflect on a few lessons from this week.  Some were new lessons and others were reiterated lessons.  I just want to share a few of these with you.

These lessons have come from specific areas of my life, but I think that there are ways that they can be applied in multiple areas as well.

As a Woman

With all of the busy-ness in the air, I had to make sure that I stayed on track with what was happening around me.  There are six people in my family and it is very easy for me to be the last one that is taken care of.  However, when that happens, no one is happy because I am tired and drained.  I can’t really support them the way that I need and want to.  This is why I’ve had to pray for wisdom and to use it.

Here are a few of the lessons that I’ve learned as a woman.  Perhaps, you will find them helpful.

Always have a plan  

I don’t know about you, but when too much is happening in my brain, things don’t go well.  I am not able to give the current situation 100% because I am too busy being concerned about the other 5 things that I have to do.  I may run late or even forget about some other the things that need to be done. For this reason, I believe that it is important to take time, every day or the night before, to make a plan. [bctt tweet=”I believe that it is important to take time, every day or the night before, to make a plan.” username=”@beingmrsmom”]  Not only do I make a plan, but I get that plan out of my head and onto paper.  This gives me a reference point and allows me to focus on the task at hand.  This week having a plan, definitely came in handy.  My oldest is in high school, my two middle children are in elementary, and I still have a toddler at home.  I still want to maintain my relationship with my husband and other close family and friends.  Being scatter brain would definitely not help my relationships.  🙂

 

Plan, but Be Flexible

Although I have a plan, I can’t be rigid and stuck in that plan.  There are a few different reasons for this.  The first one is the most important.  I have shared this before, but I personally know it to be true.

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  ~Proverbs 16:9

No matter what plan we have, we are not sovereign or God.  He has an ultimate plan for our lives and while He does desire for us to plan our way, it is ultimately His direction that we will walk in.  I can set 9,900 tasks to complete for the day, but the Lord knows those which I will really accomplish.  This is why we must remain flexible.  We have to know that He has it all together, even when we do not.

Planning allows us to steward our day.  However, flexibility, leaves room for the things that God has orchestrated to happen. Let’s be honest… the reality of it is that whether we decide to remain flexible or not, the Lord will have His way and things will happen. [bctt tweet=”the reality of it is that whether we decide to remain flexible or not, the Lord will have His way and things will happen. ” username=”@beingmrsmom”] It is just better to plan to be flexible, so that we are able to cope with the change well.  When people don’t cope with change well, they begin to experience anxiety because things did not go the way that they intended for them to go.

But the question is, who is in charge here, us or God?

We must steward, but remain humble and flexible enough to receive His plan for our lives.

This leads to the other reason for flexibility.

Things come up.  People need us.  Schedules change and sometimes, we just need to rest.  Allowing ourselves to remain flexible does not cancel out the plan, it is just the realistic part of planning.

If we remain flexible, things will go better and life will remain enjoyable…trust me on this one.  I know from experience.  🙂

Eat Healthy & Stay Rejuvenated

Whenever I talk to my father about things that are happening in my life.  Before we begin to assess the situation, he always asks me a few questions about my state of mind and my health.

  1. Did you eat and take your vitamins
  2. Were you well rested or tired
  3. Did you exercise or stretch/meditate (in the word of God), or do your affirmations

The point of his questions is not that of the specific details of the activities.  Instead, he is simply asking me if I had taken care of myself this morning or prior to the event that we are about to discuss. After years of my father asking me these questions, I began to realize the difference in my mood when I had taken the opportunity to take care of myself and when I had not [bctt tweet=”I began to realize the difference in my mood when I had taken the opportunity to take care of myself and when I had not.” username=”@beingmrsmom”]

In those times when I had neglected self-care, I would find that I was more irritable and frustrated.  However, when I had taken the time to do what I needed to do to take care of myself, I functioned better.  My family and friends were more pleased with my presence and everyone is happier.

This week, this was very important.  With having to run so many errands and adjusting to the new schedule that we have, making sure that I took my vitamins, rested at night, exercised and took time to meditate on the Word of God, were keys to my week going well.  I honestly believe that this is one of the reasons why I am not completely  drained or frustrated at the end of the week.

Tests Will Come, but Prayer is Essential

All week, we dealt with different situations.  There were new adjustments that my children had to make with their sleeping, eating, and playing schedules because of school.  They had new teachers and friends.  My schedule took a beating, as we all had to get up earlier and be on a well structured schedule.

On top of the normal things, policies at the schools raised questions that needed our attention.  My textbooks did not arrive on time, which put me behind in my coursework.   When I contacted UPS, the manager told me that my books were “in a box, on a plane somewhere, about to land and be delivered to me in 24 hours.”  😀

Situations like this come up and we have to decide how to handle them.  I had to pray a lot this week.  My children were dealing with situations with their friends and teachers, while I was dealing with my University.  I could have easily lost my temper, but I decided to seek God prior to moving forward with all of my actions.

This did not require an hour-long prayer.  I just simply stopped what I was doing and asked God to help me.  I asked Him to lead me, guide me, and direct me, as to what I should do next.  Then, I moved forward.

Later on, I took more time to submit the details of my concerns to God in prayer.

The great thing about God is that He is very faithful.  When I asked Him for help, He helped me.  There were a few situations that He had me to request further attention from the supervisors and others that He directed me to, simply, leave alone.

I wanted to make sure that I was using my time and energy the right way, so I just did what He led me to do.  I must say, life was less emotional than I know it could have been, if I had done it all my way.

Rest, Reflection, & Relationships are Key

As a woman, I am a relational being.  In many ways I could be considered an extrovert, but I have my introvert ways about me as well.  I like to say that I am me, but I realize that “me” doesn’t help you understand what I’m trying to say.

Rest

I spent a lot of time doing and going this week, but as much as it was important that I plan and execute the plan, it was equally important that I rest and reflect on the situations of life.

Each morning, I take the time to sit down and do nothing.  I might sit outside in my chair and read or I may stay inside.  Yet, I give myself the opportunity to do nothing.  If I choose not to read, I just observe the atmosphere and take in the moment of the day.

I have found that this is an essential part to my functionality throughout the day.  I realized it even more so this week.  No matter what was going on, I had already given myself the time that I needed to rest.

Reflection

Generally, I take some time to sit down and write out my thoughts regarding the previous day’s activities.  Very early on in my marriage, motherhood, and life as a woman, I found that it was beneficial to write out my thoughts.  This gave me the opportunity to think about the things that were happening in my life without having to share every detail of my being with another individual.  While I have trusted relationships, reflection brings about self-awareness and studies have shown that those who are more self-aware are also very aware of others.  As we come to know more about who we are, we learn more about the difference between us and God, ourselves and others, and life.

Reflection on life is essential to personal growth.  It is one of the reasons why, I believe, that my season of life has changed as it has.  If I had not realized specific things about life and my situations, I would not be able to adjust accordingly to the changes that God was wanting to bring about in me.  My character has definitely benefited from reflection.

Relationships

It is not good for us to be alone.  This is something that God made very clear, early on in the book of Genesis.  We are supposed to have relationship with God, family, and friends.  Yet, many times the busy-ness of life drowns out the time for relationships.  However, I have found that it is very important to remember that not only do we need relationship with others, but they need relationship with us a well.

My husband and children not only desire my cooking and driving skills.  They also desire to have my time and attention.  This is one of the reasons why I have not been on social media as much as I have in the past.  The clicking and ticking of my fingers hitting the keyboard, should not outweigh the amount of time that I spend with my family.

I also have friends that are such a great blessing to my life.  They are wise, funny, smart, and caring women of God.  I am so honored that God has given them to me and I have come to realize that relationships have to be cultivated in order to grow.  If they are not cultivated, they will remain as they are and in some situations, they may even die.

Thus, in the midst of all that I have going on in my life, as a woman, I will continue to make time for relationships.

Next Lessons of the Week

I did not know that this post would be so long and I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many details, so I am going to make my Parenting Tips and Marriage Tips of the Week very brief.   Perhaps, I can expand on these in the near future.

As A Wife

I have noticed that no matter how busy life can get there are specific things that I can do to maintain and improve my relationship with my husband. Here are a few of my tips for the week.

  1. Listen & Encourage–  Many times, my husband just wants me to listen to him. [bctt tweet=”Many times, my husband just wants me to listen to him” username=”@beingmrsmom”] He isn’t looking for me to tell him what to do or how to do it.  He just wants to have me as an open ear and heart that is on his side.  I take his concerns to the Lord and allow Him to be all that my husband needs.  Then, when the opportunity is right and I see that there is room for it, I encourage my husband.  Perhaps I just share with him the fact that I appreciate him as a husband, father, and friend. I could also communicate to him through my embrace that he is respected and loved.  I find that these two things are very important to building a healthy and prosperous relationship with my husband.
  2. Be Available–  With all that I have going on, it is important that I make time for my husband.  This might mean that I remain flexible throughout my day to do or be there for him, when he requests it.  Now his requests may not always be verbal, but I have to pay attention to the requests that he makes. Allowing myself to remain available to my husband affords us the ability to continue to grow.  With this he is continually reminded that I am trustworthy, dependable, and faithful to him.  (Of course there are times when I cannot pull away from a meeting or something of that nature, but I must communicate that I will get back to him as soon as I am free.)
  3. Find Something to Laugh About–  Life is tough enough.  We don’t want to go through the moments without a friend to laugh with.  There is no better partner for this than your husband.  Listen attentively to his jokes and laugh, when you find them funny.  Try to be light-hearted and care free at times.  Tickle, wrestle, or just poke him.  If he isn’t a touchy type of guy, find ways that you two can laugh together.  Laughter makes the heart healthy and brightens up a relationship.  Sometimes, my husband and I just look at each other and start to giggle because, well…it’s silly.  It helps our relationship to stay fun and can become useful in the moments when times are hard.  This week, it was important for us to laugh together.  We were so busy and had so many different situations come up that laughing gave us a breath of fresh air.

As A Parent

My tips of the week as a parent are very simple, self-explanatory, and effective.

  1. Listen well– Make sure to pay attention to your children when they are speaking to you.  Make eye contact and actively listen to what they are saying.  This builds their confidence and helps them to know that they are loved.
  2. Make time for your children–  This means that sometime we have to say no to something else, but making time for our children allows us to do things with them that brings the quality above the quantity.  Perhaps you could read a book, color a picture, toss the football, or play hopscotch.  Doing these things with our children show them that we care and make it so that they don’t feel deprived of our attention
  3. Just Be There. It Means A LOT–  Sometimes there isn’t anything to do.  Our children want to play with their friends, watch television, or read by themselves.  However, the fact that we are in the room makes them feel loved and secure.  I have seen this with my children.  It is especially true when they spend 8 hours or more, away from my husband and I, in the presence of other adults that are not family.  This also helps them to feel confident.

I hope that you have found my tips of the week helpful, encouraging, and inspiring.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts on them and how you have or plan to implement them.

Until next time,

Thanks for reading!

 

On Matters of the Heart: The One Who Hurts

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Last time that we discussed hurt, we took a look at the person who is hurt.  We looked at what needs to be done in order to move forward from a place of being hurt.  We discussed boundaries and the need for wise Counsel, as you are moving from the place of being hurt and offended to being free and forgiving.

Today, I want to take a look and the other side of that hurt coin.  The one who hurts.

Now, if you have experienced being hurt and have not, whether you tried to or not, dealt with it in the proper manner, the pain of the hurt was able to seep into our heart.  If this happened you allowed bitterness and anger to become wedged within the chambers of your heart.  If this is true, you may have found that your actions, words, and even your thoughts have begun to change.

The truth is that we are all, in many ways, a product of our environment.  The things, situations, and people that interact with us on a daily basis or even on an occurrence, have an opportunity to plant seed in to our hearts that can quickly take root. I believe that this is why God tells us in His word to guard our hearts with all diligence,  (Proverbs 4:23) for out of it flows the issues of life.  He didn’t say that out of it will flow all of the great dreams of our lives.  No, He said that our issues would come out of our hearts.

Not only will our issues come our of our hearts, but if there is goodness within us that will come out.  Yet, if there is evil within us, that will come out too. When we are dealing with or have buried pain from hurtful situations, issues… they will also come out of our mouths.

For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

If you take a moment to think about it, it is not only our actions that hurt people, but it is often our words, as well.  We speak damaging words to other people, without even realizing that what we have said has the capacity to destroy them, in many ways.  If we were to view things from God’s eyes, we would see that our tongues are swords, cutting others on the way in and on the way out.  Leave it to a heart that is hurting and the target will not only be broken, but demolished.  If you can recognize yourself in these words, I want to tell you that you are not alone.  It is just a sign that you are hurt.

Why?

Well, you’ve heard this before, but it’s really true.  Hurt people, hurt people.

They do it unknowingly, most of the time.  It starts with the pain that is within them and needs to be let go of, but because of unforgiveness, the hurt turns in to a weapon.  In many ways, the hurt person is simply trying to protect herself from other forms of hurt, without realizing that the chosen weapon of protection is not a shield, but a sword.  This is when problems arise.

If you have found yourself in this place, let me tell you that you don’t have to stay here.  Perhaps you have been hurting people, unawares.  Maybe you aren’t even to the place of hurting people yet.  You are just thinking thoughts, that if they came out of your mouth or would be acted upon, would hurt someone.  If this is you, please, please keep reading.

The first thing to do is to declare that you will be honest with yourself and with God, no matter what you find out about yourself.

The second thing to do is to ask for forgiveness.  You are asking forgiveness for hurting others.  Next, forgive.  Forgive yourself and the person/people that hurt you.  You may have to go back to the situation and think about what happened.  You may have to journal it and hash it out, but you need to get to the root of your problem, so that forgiveness can happen.  Finally, you have to commit to renewing your mind and being a doer of the word.

God wants to bring about a change in your life, but He will not force His goodness upon your life, if you are not interested in having it.  When you are a person that hurts others, you know that it comes from your past.  It comes from your own brokenness.  It comes from fear.  It comes from desiring control.  You have to be willing to let these things go in order to be set free.

If you are reading this, and don’t quite understand this position, God bless you.  However, I honestly believe that we have all been in a place like this, at one point in out lives or another.  Maybe you could not recognize it, when in it.  Maybe you did.  We are all different, but I truly believe that we are all similar in this.  None of us, really want to remain in this place.

So, what’s next?

Well, I suggest that you pray.

  1. Pray for the person that hurt you and pray for yourself.(Luke 6:28)
  2. Trust God to fight your battles.(Romans 12:19)
  3. Renew your mind daily. (Romans 12:2)
  4. Practice what you read and don’t just read it.(James 1:22)

If you do this things, you will move from the place that you are in now, to the place where you desire to be, free from the pain and free to love.

Know Your Place

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Have you ever stopped for a moment to think about who you are and what that means?  I know that I have.

Today’s woman struggles with so much.  Women of the past wanted the opportunities that we have today, but were banned from having them.  Yet, we, as women of the 21st century, struggle with having our God-given roles and the open doors of opportunities that rest at our feet, for the taking.

When we are given so many opportunities, without a clear understanding of who we are, we are liable to run in every direction, unknowingly, attempting to be someone that we are not.  However, when we know who we are, we will only make the choices that we are called to make.  We will step into the opportunities that fit our call.

Now you might think that I want to discuss with you, who you are as an individual.  Instead, I want to take a look at who the Bible says that we are.  What does God say about us.  This is the perfect starting place.  For it is here that we can begin to know the truth about who we are.

Let’s take a what the Bible says about us as women.

The first appearance of a woman was in Genesis 2:22-24 where it says

And the Lord God made the rib (which He had taken from the man) into a woman.  And He brought her to the man.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.  She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.

In this first instance of the woman’s appearing on the scene of humanity, she is made from an intricate part of the man, Adam.  She is brought to the man, as a gift from God and He recognizes her as something special.  It as if he is in awe.  He says this is me.  She is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.  We are the same, but different; a compliment to one another.  Thus, he rationalized within himself that a man should leave all that he has known to cleave to his wife because they are made for one another.  They shall become one flesh.

There is a whole sector of women that find this portion of scripture degrading and humiliating.  I am not talking to those women.  Only God can change their minds.  Instead I am talking to the woman who is a wife or wants to be one, someday.

This is the first time that we see a woman in the bible and, I think that, it is fantastic the way that she is presented, both to us and to Adam.

Let me show you how I see it.

God had created everything else in the world and Adam had the opportunity to look around at those amazing things.  He looked up and saw the sky.  He looked down and saw the grass beneath his feet.  He looked around and saw the trees, named the animals, and even was able to take a look at his own reflection in the waters of Eden.  He had even been given work to do.  He was to tend to the garden of Eden, work and keep it.  Yet, in this world of having all that could satisfy him, he felt and was alone.

Stop…

Do you recognize something here?  In this place of being provided with everything that He could ever need, this man felt and was alone.  He had his needs met, but he had a want, and a longing that had not yet been fulfilled.  Then this happened.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone.  ~Genesis 2:19

The Lord knew that Adam would still feel alone, but He presented him with the animals of the field and the fowl of the air.  He allowed Adam to name them, and he did.  Yet, that need was still not met.  When he was finished with work, he had no one to come home to; No one to cuddle with;  No one with who he could connect with in the most intimate way possible.

In this space in time, when woman had not yet appeared on the scene of creation, in the flesh, the earth was void of her presence.  It was good, but Adam, its governor longed for something.  He had no one that was suitable to come alongside him and help him in his doings.  No one was available to complement him.  No one was there to talk to him, as he worked; to encourage him, as he rested; to lavish her love upon him.  At this point in creation, Adam had been so full, yet desired something more and only God knew what…excuse me, who that was.  It was Eve, his woman.

When we read the bible like this, there should be a dignity that rises up within us.  We should not feel threatened by the presence of a man because we are what he wants, at the end of the day.  Now, I do not dare to place us, as women, above God.  For He alone can satisfy us all.  I am only saying that when God was looking outside of Himself for the necessities in the earth that would bring Adam pleasure, He deemed it necessary to present Him with Eve.  She was the conclusion, the big finale of His presentation.  She was the “wow” factor.

Should we not take pride in being a man’s wife?  Yet, society has brought to us this idea that to be a man’s wife and to be committed to him is a degrading thing.  We are encouraged to leave the home and attempt to be more than his wife.  We are served on a platter of world goods the idea that to “merely” be one’s wife is to be less than because you should be more.  Is being a wife not enough?

I want you to realize that you, as a wife, are not less than.  You were created for this role, in life.  Your part is very important upon the scene of humanity.  Regardless of the mistakes that Eve, you, or I make, we were purposed to be here upon this planet in the position that we are in.

As my husband’s wife, I do for him, what no other person upon this planet can do. I serve my husband’s heart.

The heart of her husband trusts safely in her, so that he have no need of plunder. ~Proverbs 31:11

He knows that his heart is safe with me, regardless of the state that it is in at the time.  I am able to see in to the depths of his being and to pray for his needs to our God.  I am able to see his strengths and weaknesses.  Yet, I do not expose him.  I encourage him and love upon him.  I offer him my respect because it is one of his deepest needs.

If I were to leave my place, I would leave him exposed to the world and the Jezebel like woman.  She wishes to give him over to Satan, to dispose of him, and to leave him utterly confused & destroyed. For if she can destroy one man, she can destroy many.  For she is being led by Satan to destroy the world, one man at a time.

We as women, want to be needed and wanted, in this world.  We want to fulfill a role that can never be fulfilled.  We want to do what can never be done and on a grand scale.  Have we never stopped to think for a moment that we are already doing that.  When we are the women that God has called us to be, we are able to do something that no one else could ever do, hold the heart of one man.  The man that God created. That is an honorable position and it is hard.

Let’s not down play this.

I asked God to let me change the world and it all started with the marriage of my husband.  After him, I was blessed with four beautiful children.  I don’t need to look beyond this call to find something else.   It is within this place of accepting my call that God has so graciously opened up other doors for me.  He has shown me how and who else I can help, but I had to accept and walk in this first.

I challenge you to know and to identify your place.  If you have been called as a wife or desire to be a wife, you have to long for the role of service.  Not just to be loved and lavished upon, but to love and to hold your husband’s heart.  You have to be willing to abandon all that you know, according to the world, to learn the truth that God has set within you.

It is not foolish to trust the Lord and your husband.  It is not foolish to pray that your marriage work and to work hard in it.  Yes, the enemy and the world is busy pulling apart marriages, but that doesn’t have to be your story.  I am a living witness that this truth starts within us as women.  We have to look at the world and the devil, square in the face and say “You cannot have my husband.  He is mine.”  We have to tell the mountains of divorce, separation, chaos, and adultery to move out of our ways and out of our homes.

This takes bravery, consistency, patience, faithfulness, and trust in God to make it happen.  There is a lot up against you, but if you know your place, nothing can take it away from you. You have to pray consistently.  You have to fill yourself with the word of God.  You have to be willing to turn away from the worldly things, the television shows, the wrong books, the wrong people & relationships.  You know the ones that I am talking about.  I live in today’s society, as well ,and this is a battle that has to be fought on a daily basis.

We are in a war.  It is a war for the our souls and a war for the hearts of men.  God has placed us, a band of women in this position because no one else can do it.  No one else will love God and His man enough to take a stand and fight the great fight of faith. To protect and serve the heart of man take a woman.

Will you?

Will you get focused enough to really know and take your place?

Why do we struggle with identity

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As women living in today’s society, it so hard to identify ourselves.  I can personally say that I have been through this.  Often times, life wants and tries to identify me by what I’m currently doing, how many children I have, my work status, and even my husband.  While all of these are apart of who I am, they are not my identity.

If this is true, why do we struggle with it and how can we overcome it?

Studies have shown, that women are relational by nature.  We want to connect, deeply, with others. Yet, we generally fear that we are too much for those around us and once those in relationship with us realize it, they will run away in fear, leaving us relation-less.

Due to this relational nature and our desire, we tend to dive completely, heart first, in to our relationships and endeavors. By doing this, we find that we care deeply for the people that we care for.  We find that we want to nurture and help them to be the best that is humanly possible.  We take the opportunity, while in relationships with others, to cultivate our love and compassion for them throughout our relationship.  We want them to know how important they are.  In essence, when women love, we love hard.

These loving relationships, if we are not careful, can begin to completely consume us.  And this total immersion into the who and what, that we are into, begins to become how we identify ourselves.  We become proud of our connections and work.

Remember, when we love we love hard.  Do you know anyone that, when they truly love a person or thing, hides it.  No, you don’t because it doesn’t happen that way.  Love proclaims, I love _____.

So what is the problem with this?

Well the problem is that things and people change.  They were never meant to be the indenting factors in our lives.  We were never intended to mimic or display the characteristics of a person or a thing.  Not our husbands or our children.  Not our jobs or our passions.  No matter how great they are.

When I was first married, I had completely lost my identity.  I, like many other women, love my husband passionately and this caused me to immerse myself in who he is.  However, this total consumption of him, continually, caused me to forget who I was.  While as a wife, I was called to take on my husband’s name and cling to him, I was never called to become him.  Together we become one, but this is through a process of continually becoming the unified couple that God has joined together in Him.

Not becoming him.

Identifying myself by my husband, left me lost, hurting, and confused.  It also brought problems into our relationship.  I had to begin to learn who I was again and what it meant to be me.  Thankfully I had help with this.

Yet, my help was not one that many would think of.  It came from God.

Because of how lost, broken, and confused I was, I began to cry out to God for help and He led me to His Word.  Through it, I began to see that I could be passionately in love with my husband and still be me.  The me that God created me to be, not the me that I was trying to be for my husband.

I began to learn that God had created me a certain way and this complimented my husband, children, relationships, career, and so much more.  I began to understand that my identity in Him was more important than any other identity that I would ever attempt to take on.

Today, my husband says that one of the reasons why our marriage works is because he is he and I am me. 🙂   However, the struggle to get here was…well hard.

Now how did I get from point A to where I am now?

It was not easy.  I had to begin to let the Word of God consume me.  Some people thought that I was changing, but if I am to be completely honest, I was.  I was changing from the rejected, fearful, and confused little girl who the world and situations had created, into a confident, loved, and courageous woman who God has always known that I was.

I did this one day at a time…one page at a time…one prayer at time.

It’s like the Bible says in Isaiah 28:10 ,

…precept upon precept,

line upon line,

here a little there a little

Yet, at that time, I was in such a hurry.  I thought that if I did not hurry up, I would never become…me.

The truth is that God loves me so much that He was going to make sure that I was completely identified by Him.  His plan was never to leave me the way that I was, so I had to learn to trust Him.  The process has been difficult and I continually find that life attempts to define me, but I trust in Him.

The situation for you is that same.  He loves you too.

If you have read my blog for some time, you know that I have a few favorite scriptures.  One of them is 1 Peter 5:7

casting all  your care upon Him,  because He cares for you.

This has always reminded me that no matter how unloved I feel, I am loved.  No matter how much I want to hold on to the situation and take care of it myself, there is a Great and Mighty God that wants to do it more and He does it a lot better than I ever could.

Today I want to encourage you to take that first step in solving the issue of displaced identity.  Read Psalm 139 and see what the Lord says about you.  Think about how it makes you feel when you realize how much He loves you.  Do you see how He sees you?  How can it change how you see yourself?  Take a moment, a piece of paper, and pen.  Write out your thoughts.  This is how your process with begin.  With looking at God and becoming aware of your own feelings & emotions.

I look forward to hearing from you. Leave me a comment below and share your thoughts with me on this topic.  If you don’t want to share below, just send me an email at info@beingmrsmom.com

Remember, you are loved.
(watch this)