truth

When I wake up in the morning in Utah.  I still consider it to be a strange place.  Although I have lived here now for more than a couple of months, it still feels strange.  I haven’t exactly made friends and my life sometimes feels a little foreign.  These are the times when I really need to relate to someone else, another woman.  When I search for blogs that may allow me to connect with other women, I normally find ones that are so positive that they seem unreal.  I have been a mother for 10 years now and I know personally that everything isn’t always great.  No! They are not always horrible, but honestly it’s a wild roller coaster ride.

I originally started my blog with the intention of being honest about my life, but the more blogs I read by other mothers, the harder it became to be honest.  I really needed to do this, be honest.  Not for anyone else.  It was simply for me.  I was reading stories that sounded like the perfect pictures that accompanied their posts and I thought that my blog would stand out like a sore thumb in a way that I didn’t want it to.  I thought that I wouldn’t have any readers and that everyone would think that I was being extremely negative, when all I really wanted was an outlet to be honest and connect with other women like myself.

Well, that was a little over a year ago and now I need to blog more than ever.  My family’s life has changed in so many ways that sometimes its hard for all of us.  I normally enjoy writing and talking, but blogging is just different.  I know that my thoughts will be read and that someone may respond.  That is good for me because I want to converse about these things.  I just don’t always want to converse with my family, my mom, or  friends back home who just don’t understand.  I don’t want to post my every thought on Facebook for my mom and everyone else that I care about to see.  Yes, I know that my blog is public and that’s ok.  But the difference is that I’m not typing all of these things for the people that I know to read, I’m doing it for that same reason that a writer writes a book, because they have something to say and this is how they do it best.  This is a type of therapy for me and I know that other women feel the same.  So many blogs are created per day…blogging speaks for itself.

So, I have realized my needs and I have begun to look for blogs that are not overly negative, but that are realistic.  I want to read the stories of women like myself who don’t want to reveal all of their family problems, but who are not afraid of talking about somethings that are on their minds and in their hearts.  This morning I really needed this.  It was like being in group therapy.  Sometimes we as women, human beings, wives and mothers need to know that we are not alone.  I need to read, hear, or know, that I am not the only person dealing with anxiety in some areas of my life.  Yes, the Lord said that we should be anxious about anything, but as a human it’s hard and I strive to move past it, while I trust Him. I need to understand that I am not the only person dealing with relational issues with friends.  I need to grasp the fact that I’m not the only person that may not have a clean kitchen, right now.  I don’t want total negativity, but I do want realism.

I plan on cleaning my kitchen, making my relationships better, reading all of the books on my list, being the perfect mom and doing my best to be positive…but in the meantime, I’m going to give myself permission to feel and express what is really on my heart and mind.  If I don’t I may go crazy and nobody wants that. 🙂

So I have something to say to all of you moms out there that are being honest and still having integrity (allowing your family some privacy) on your blogs.  Thank you.  You help me accept myself as a woman.  You help me have the courage to be myself at all times.  You help me to see what reality is in my life.  You encourage me to be better as you strive to be better.  You encourage me not to fear the my emotions, but to realize that I feel them and find ways to deal with them.  You help me understand that no one is perfect.  Thank you so much for your courage, honesty, and the faith that you have in God to know that He will help you get through it all.

This is why I enjoy being a momblogger and reading other momblogs.

Until next time~