Feelings

For the past year, I have been on this wild roller coaster ride of emotions. I have been happy, sad, emotional, tired, and a times I felt hopeless. Now when I think about these things, I am a bit disappointed in myself because I have such a great God who has made such great promises and kept, that I should never feel hopeless, but I did.

“I think an unhappy Christian is an oxymoron. It shouldn’t even be in the same sentence.” ~Joyce Meyer

The truth is that the past year has been really hard. My family and I moved away from all that we knew, besides each other and God. We’ve had to adjust to a new state and way of life. We have been blessed in so many ways by God, but at times the adjusting period was hard. Now, I have not hated life, but I have found myself in a couple tight corners that I could not see my way out of, but God is faithful. He helped me each and every time to come out.

In the past year I have forgotten who I am and who God created me to be. I would even dare to say that I have, at times forgotten how big, strong, powerful , faithful, and loving my God truly is…and because of that I have not exactly enjoyed the rollercoaster of life. I have hidden myself at times because of fear of rejection or even fear of being misunderstood. Yet, like the word of God says, all things work together for our good…so, now I look back and I see that there was a reason for my unhappiness. There was a reason why I was unsatisfied with life. There was a reason why I had forgotten. I had done all that I could do to stay positive, to smile, and look happy, but the truth is that I was in and out of happiness. I could not understand why before, but a few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that I missed God. I didn’t realize how much I missed Him because I had filled my life with all the things I had to do and the places I had to be. The woman I had to be, consumed my time and, like a busy spouse, I was too busy to realize how much I missed Him.

Missing God, meant that although I talked to Him sometimes, the amount of time that He longed to spend with me and that I used to spend with Him wasn’t there anymore. There were times when I did other things instead of spending time with Him.

Picture this…

A husband works long and hard shifts. He leaves home every morning and kisses his wife goodbye. He tells her he loves her and then walks out the door. He doesn’t have time to stop and embrace her nor look in her eyes and say something sweet because he’s on a schedule and has to go. He comes home every night and lays down in the bed with her as he watches his favorite program on tv. They say goodnight, roll over, and go to bed. They never go on a date or do anything alone, without the children. This same cycle continues day after day as the husband works hard, everyday, doing what he feels needs to be done to take care of his family, but what he doesn’t realize is that his wife misses him. She misses the time that he would take to look into her eyes as he said “I love you.” She misses the way that he used to pull her close at different times of their day and kiss her on her forehead, cheek, or hand. She misses the text messages during the day that were simply to say, “I thought about you.” She misses the nights when they would sit and talk and he would ask her what she thought about things…and actually listen for an answer. He didn’t realize how much she missed him because she didn’t say it. She understood how much he had to do at work and what it took for him to accomplish those things. She knew how focused he was on what he was doing. She knew how busy he was and she stayed by his side because she loves him. He could not and would not see how much she missed him until she backed up a little and gave him the space that he demanded. Although she continued to love him, cook dinner, wash clothes, greet him at the door, kiss him goodnight, watch tv with him, and have small surface conversations with him. She remained committed and faithful, but she backed up a bit. When he began to miss her embrace, her kiss, her text messages, he realized that something was wrong. Not terribly wrong, but wrong. His wife missed him and he missed her…now something needed to be done.

This is how it is with God. He remains in our lives because He loves us. He is committed and faithful. He’s there when we need to talk and when we need guidance, but like the wife, He longs for…intimacy. When we become to busy or too preoccupied with life, He doesn’t decide to forsake us or leave us. Instead he backs up a little and gives us the space that we have asked for and declared that we need, with our actions, but He misses us. It’s not until we begin to feel a void, within ourselves, that we miss Him.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~James 4:8

This tells us that there is a time when God backs away, just a little, because we have told Him in some way that we need space. Much like the husband, once we realize what is happening, we are a bit shocked because it didn’t seem to be such an issue before, but with the process occurring over and over again, intimacy is lost and the issue is, well an issue that needs to be fixed.

Today I listened to a podcast by Joyce Meyer and was reminded of what it takes to maintain a relationship with God. I was reminded of what I was missing and I knew ,know I want Him in my life constantly. I want to have an intimate relationship with God because He is the source of my joy. Happiness is dependent upon what happens in my life and the way that I see it, but real joy will last because He is the source. I can look at life through a different perspective when I have spent quality time with God and be happy and full of joy.

With realizing that I miss Him and the He misses me, I commit to spending more time with Him. Time talking, being honest, listening, and enjoying His presence. The intimacy that I have with God cannot be replaced. It’s helps me to be a better mom, wife, friend, and woman.

…And today I smile…for real!