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You are here: Home / Archives for Marriage

Marriage

Communicating With Your Husband

November 23, 2015 By Mrs. Mom Leave a Comment

Communicate with your husband

The other night, I was in a marriage coaching session with a couple.  After we had finished, I sat and thought about the communication between these two spouses.  I gradually began to think about my communications with my husband over the past 13 1/2 years.

Communicate with your husband

I realized that many times couples underestimate the effectiveness of loving, open-hearted communication.

When we were in our first two years of marriage, I remember thinking that good couples in healthy marriages did not argue.  Now that I have been married to my high school sweetheart for more than a decade, I have come to realize that some of the best couples, indeed argue.  They are just careful about how they do it.

Many times in life, we try to avoid some of the hardest situations.  When we are in the fire, we run away, refusing to get burned.  What we fail to realize is that somethings require fire in order to be refined, like gold.  That is how our lives are.

We spend a lot of time around people who want to tickle our ears.  They don’t want to ruffle our feathers because they are afraid that challenging our perspectives will jeopardize the relationship that they have with us. Yet, without challenges, we cannot become better individuals or live our best lives for Christ.  Without challenges, we are stuck in our same ol’ ways, smiling, but never better.  However, marriage is not one of those relationships, nor should it be.

In a marriage each partner, by default, should make the other better.

Think about it.  This is the person that lives with you and sees you at you best…and worst.   He knows when you are giving something your all and when you are doing it half way.  He can see when you are walking in love and walking in anger.  To be even more precise, he can see what you cannot see about yourself and speak truth to you about it, in love.

I know, it doesn’t always feel like he is speaking in love, but what if you adjusted your hearing.  Do you think that you could turn down your detection of pessimism, resentment, and anger long enough to detect the love that he has in his heart for you.  Do his words challenge you and call you out of fear?  Does he confirm what God has already spoken into your heart about the changes that you need to make to be your best?

I have found that over the course of my marriage, communication with my husband has not always been easy, but more times than not, it has been very beneficial.  I have had to make a choice to remain accountable, open-hearted, and humble towards him, so that he could lead me.

Yes, I said that my husband leads me.  When I have prayed for direction and I’m looking for someone to speak into my life, God will often use my husband to say some of the toughest things to me.  Because his eyes are watching me each day, I have also been held accountable.

In trusting our husbands with our hearts, we leave room for God to speak to us through them.  He is able to validate us through the one human relationship that will be most fulfilling on this earth.

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”   This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.  ~Ephesians 5:22-33

Today, I want to encourage you to consider the communication that you have with your husband.  Don’t think that it always has to sound or look a certain way in order for it to be effective.  It should not be abusive, but it doesn’t have to be pretty either.  It needs to be what God knows is best for you in your life and in your marriage.  Your husband loves you and servers God in helping you though this process of sanctification and cleansing that God is so mercifully taking you through.  See the fire and the flame as methods used to make you better.  Never stop talking to, texting, emailing, winking, or smiling at your husband.  Leave the lines of communication open and know that in a loving relationship, iron sharpens iron.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Marriage Tagged With: challenges, communication, love, marriage, sanctification

Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

July 29, 2015 By Mrs. Mom Leave a Comment

Don't be so hard on yourself

Now, I am going to say that this will not be an easy pill to swallow.

Not just for you, but for me too.

Don't be so hard on yourself

This morning as my husband was leaving the house, he kissed my youngest daughter and told her that she was beautiful.  Then he leaned over and gave me a kiss.  He looked at me and told me that I was beautiful too.

With all of my stinky morning breath, crusty eyes, and messed up hair, I said “Not right now, I’m not.”  In response to my awkward response to his affectionate and loving words, in which I had rejected myself and him, to a degree, he said… “Yes, you are!  You’re my wife.”

Ok…wait!  Did you get that?! Or did you miss it?!

He not only disregarded what I had said, but he also took it and turned it around by implying that because I am his wife, I am beautiful.

After he left, I read a devotional that illustrated how often we take the time to treat strangers and those that we don’t really know, very well.  Yet, we fail to treat ourselves and, sometimes, the ones we love, with that same kindness.

Normally I would have told a friend or someone who I didn’t know, that they should not be so hard on themselves. Yet I was doing it.

So I took some time to think about this.

How does the way that I treat myself affect my relationships with others and more importantly, my relationship with God?

There are enough people and ads out there that tell me that I am not beautiful, too dark, my hair isn’t straight enough.  They say that I’m not smart enough, not tall enough, short enough, bold enough.  They say that I’m too feminine and too masculine.  They tell me that I need to be more independent, but that I’m not dependent enough.  You know…I smile too much, but don’t smile enough.  How about this one?  I’ve been told that I am too organized, but not organized enough.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that I should listen to these voices.  They don’t seem too sure of the standard.

Then there is me…I am really hard on myself.  I often hold myself to a very high standard.  In many ways, I deal with perfectionism.  We all know that I will never be perfect, in this life.  In all actuality, I am aiming to be pleasing to God, but that ends up translating into trying too hard.  I keep trying to do what is right in His eyes, but I hear the voices of people. I hear them rejecting my application.  I hear them telling me that now is not the time and I’m not it.

My heart believes that He loves me and that I am accepted, but this head of mine…its always fighting with my heart.  Telling me that I am not special and most often, I am not wanted.

With all of this, I think I hear God saying that I am not good enough and He is not pleased…

But wait!!! That’s not the truth.

He never said that.  That’s not even His character.

Much like my husband, He looks at me, in all of my mess.  He has said “You are beautiful. You are mine.” (see Isaiah 43:1)

He has said that his kindness would not depart from me; that he would have mercy on me, and that his covenant of peace would not be removed from me. (See Isaiah 54:10)

He has created me as I am supposed to be and he loves me. He will never leave me.

He has said the same thing to you.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at what the Bible says.

1 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
3You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
7Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me;
12Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
15My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.
19Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20For they speak against You wickedly; Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
24And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
~Psalm 139

Are you able to see it?  Have you realized why it is important not to be so hard on yourself?  Meeting the expectations of the world is impossible because they don’t know what they want.  The world is tossed in every which way depending on the culture climate.  However, our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  The woman who He created you to be is the woman that He wants you to be.  He gave you that hair, that skin, that smile, those teeth and all of your qualities.  He has said that He would never leave us or forsake us. (see Joshua 1:9)

He has created us and in rejecting ourselves, we, in turn, reject Him.  We are made in His image and with His love.  He made us in a way that is magnificent and pleasing to Himself.  All He wants is our love, obedience, and worship.

This in itself is another post, but let me leave you with this.  If you don’t love God with all of your heart, another god will sit on the throne of your heart and you will love it.  If you don’t obey God, you will submit to another authority and obey it.  If you don’t worship God, you will find something else to worship.

So, what am I getting at?

All of those other things, that will attempt to take the place of God and desire you, will never ever do what God has done for you.  They have never taken the time to piece you together and they will never love you.  They are not totally dedicated to seeing you at your best…only God can, has, and will do those things.  He sent Jesus Christ to die for your sins and to wipe your slate clean.

Have you ever lied?

Have you ever stolen something?

Have you ever used the Lord’s name in vain?

Have you ever looked at a man with lust in your heart?

Have you ever been jealous of what someone else had and wanted it?

Before Jesus, we were all liars, adulterers, and covetous thieves at heart.  There was nothing left for us but to try hard and burn in eternal damnation away from God.  Yet, Love paid the ultimate price and has now given us a chance to have life more abundantly here on earth…no more trying, just be who He has called you to be and walk with Him.  You are also now able to have eternal life.

If you don’t already know Jesus Christ as your  Lord and Savior, please take a moment, in your heart to speak with the One true and living God.  Accept His free gift of salvation, repent of your sins, and make Him the Lord of your life.

I can’t promise you that there won’t be days when you wake up feeling like I did.  I can’t promise you that you won’t or that the world won’t be so hard on you, but I can tell you that you don’t have to be.  I can tell you that God is there at the door and He wants to walk with you through your roughest times.  This applies to you whether you have known the Lord for years or are just meeting Him.

My prayer for you today is that you would have peace in Him.

Have a great day and be blessed.

Filed Under: Christ Focused Woman, Encouragement, Marriage, Reflection, Reflections, Relationships, Word Wednesday Tagged With: accept yourself, encouragement, just be, love God, rejecting God, rejecting self, word of encouragement, worship God

Searching…

October 9, 2013 By Mrs. Mom Leave a Comment

Yesterday, I wrote a post about the photo that I had seen online.  I noticed that it would take a lot to continue to show love in a situation like the one portrayed in the photo.

~Creator Unknown Loving Someone Past Their Sadness
~Creator Unknown
Loving Someone Past Their Sadness

After seeing the picture for a while and thinking on it, another perspective came to mind.

Do you know what its like to hug someone that seemingly doesn’t want you to hug them?

Alright, but do you know someone that wants a hug, but is afraid to let you love and hug them because of their past hurts?

as I thought about this tonight, I looked at the husband/father’s face.

The dad
Look at the Dad

As I looked at him, I wondered what was on his mind?  What was bothering him so?  What was he searching for?  Did he want help but not know how to ask for it?

Why was his head down, his knees and shoulders slouched?  How could he be helped?  Did he want help?  Does he want his wife to hug him?  Does he understand how much he is loved…or can he only feel the rejection of times past.

I don’t have the answer to any of these problems, but I am still wondering.

Filed Under: Feelings, Marriage Tagged With: marriage

Love Like That…

October 8, 2013 By Mrs. Mom Leave a Comment

This morning, I came online to write a post about somethings that I was thinking about yesterday.  Somehow, I got side tracked.  I ended up visiting other blogs and sites.  By surfing the net, I came across this picture.  I’m not sure where it came from or who created it, but I wanted to write about how it.

~Creator Unknown Loving Someone Past Their Sadness
~Creator Unknown
Loving Someone Past Their Sadness

It’s easy to love someone when things are perfect and they are happy, but what about the times that they are going through struggles and personal issues in life.

It can be anything.

They may be growing or feeling a certain way about life.  They could be searching for truth and peace.  They may feel unloved and depressed.  They may not want to share.

More than it is important that they talk to you, it’s important that you love them, past that place.

We all need it and would want someone to do the same for us.

I’m not just talking…I know that I want it…and I can do it…Love Like That

 

 

Filed Under: Feelings, Marriage, Mrs. Mom Speaks, My Experience Tagged With: believing, encouragement, love, marriage, trust

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