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7 Quotes the Inspire Healthy Marriages

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As a married woman of today, I’m sure that you’ve noticed the trend that I have noticed.  More people are getting divorced, separated, and remaining single.  There are more people encouraging us to take care of ourselves than there are inspiring us to nurture our marriages and relationships with our husbands.  People want us to be busy fulfilling our roles outside of the home, in ministry, and in the community, but often times the calling of wife goes without encouragement.  There are many reasons as to why this is so rampant, but today I want to encourage you with 7 quotes that inspire healthy marriages.  

Pulling Away to Scoot Closer

I’ve spent over 15 years with my husband and I know from experience that what I listen to, read, and pour into myself will affect my relationship with him.  If I am struggling within myself with issues, it takes a tole on my marriage.  If I am to busy cultivating other relationships and forget about my husband, our relationship will feel distant.  However, when I am balanced in my efforts and attentive to his needs, the needs of our marriage, and my call as a wife, our relationship blossoms.  

Let’s be honest.  Sometimes we get to busy to stop and think about what we could be doing to make our marriages better.  We get too busy parenting and doing other things.  When we go to bed at night, it is too easy to lie down next to our husbands, while on the phone, watching television, or even reading a book, all the while forgetting that there is someone next to us that we need to connect with.  We have to be attentive and conscious of this and force ourselves to turn off the devices, put away the book, remove any fear, and turn to that man to just spend sometime cuddling.  Who knows where that will lead, but quality time is what your marriage needs. 

Today, I want you to spend sometime reading and pondering over these quotes.  Make sure that you consider every detail of what is being said.  Prayerfully dissect the statements and figure out how you can apply them to your life and marriage.  

Love Your Husband

7 Quotes that Inspire Healthy Marriages

  1. “A great marriage is mostly about two people committing to each other and then employing principles such as love, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and unselfishness, to enrich that committed relationship.  Marriage is more about work that divine luck, more about finding someone to love than about finding someone to meet your laundry list of personal needs.”  ~Mark Gungor from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
  2. ” I can honestly say that I have become a better wife -and a better Christian- when I became a better helper.  Realizing I am on assignment from God to help my husband opened my eyes.  According to God’s plan I was not to compete with Jim.  Instead, I am to be solidly behind him and supportive of him.  He is the one who is supposed to win, and I am supposed to help make his victory possible.”  ~Elizabeth George from A Woman After God’s Own Heart
  3. “What your husband wants is your acknowledgement that he is the leader, the one in authority.  This is not to grind you under or treat you as inferior.  It is only to say that because God has made your husband responsible (review Ephesians 5:25-33), he needs the authority to carry out that responsibility.  No smoothly running organization can have two heads.  To set up a marriage with two equal at the head is to set it up for failure.  That is one of the big reasons that people are divorcing right and left today.  In essence, the marriages do not have anyone who is in charge.  God knew someone had to be in charge, and that is why Scripture clearly teaches that in order for things to work, the wife is called upon to defer to her husband.  Wives often tell me that if they submit to their husbands, it means burying their brains and becoming a doormat.  If you want to work with your husband to reach mutually satisfying decisions most of the time, follow this principle:  GO ON RECORD WITH YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU SEE HIM AS HAVING 51 PERCENT OF THE RESPONSIBILITY AND THEREFORE, 51 PERCENT OF THE AUTHORITY.  Tell Him that you see him as having more authority because he has more responsibility before God -the responsibility to die for you, if necessary.  My prediction is that the nature of your arguments and disagreements will change dramatically.  Once you go on record about his authority, he will not feel you are trying to be the boss.  As you submit (which simply means recognizing his biblically given authority), you will not be a doormat.     ~Dr. Emerson Eggeriches from Love & Respect
  4. “You don’t have to agree with your partner to be a good listener.”  ~Markman, Stainley, and Blumberg from Fight for Your Marriage
  5. “See, marriages have issues because there are two people involved, growing together.  If there were never issues, someone should be concerned because that would mean that stagnation is present.  Marriage makes you better and it makes him better too.  Just look at the issues, chew up the meat and spit out the bones because some of it is just hogwash.”  ~Makeda Rodriguez from Being Mrs. Mom: A Christian Woman Wife and Mother Living in the 21st Century
  6. “People who stay married live four years longer than people who don’t”  ~John M Gottman, PH. D., from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
  7. “Taking Time to listen means putting aside your plans and concentrating on what the other person has to say.  Don’t get defensive if he or she wants to point out a short coming.  If you do the other person will stop being honest and communication is lost.”  ~Phil & Susy Downer from Optimize Your Marriage

These are just a few quotes from the books that I have in my personal library.  I would encourage you to purchase and read them.  Also pray over these quotes and ask God to help you understand the message at their core.  Seek to grow as a woman, so that you can be a better wife.  

My prayer for you is that God would give both you and your husband godly influences that would inspire you to cultivate a long and healthy marriage.  

Who is in Control?

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As a woman that loves to plan, I often try to keep things orderly and functioning well.  I like my planner, my pen, and my paper.  And although I haven’t always been this way, I do my best to plan everything out.  That plan is subject to change because I am married with four children, and really, because I am a human being, living in this world.  Yet, still there are times where I am thrown completely off because of my desire for predictability and order.  

If I can be honest with you, this has to do with my desire to control situations, so that things aren’t thrown off-balance and I’m not flung into a situation that I didn’t expect or feel that I can’t handle.  Again, I haven’t always been this way, but in trying to be a woman of wisdom, I have desired to think through situations and plan how I am going to handle them.  My plan would be perfect if I set in some high authoritative place, like God, but I’m not Him.  I am merely a woman, clothed in flesh and living my life the best way that I can.

I have always had big dreams and this year, I took the plunge in to two of them.  

  1. Writing a book
  2. Starting a business

Coupled together with life, I have found myself in a place of frustration because, well, we don’t live in a box.  Although I set deadlines, things happen.  For instance, I hurt my back and could not do all of the things that I wanted to do physically, so I had to rely on my family.  They were very helpful and I am blessed to have them.  Needless to say, my schedule was thrown off.  I attempted to pull and push my way out of my physical limitations and, as it should be assumed, it took a toll on me emotionally.  

I planned and structured events and business deals, but all parties just did not have the same schedule as I had.  If I were to put it in the simplest way possible, my desire for perfection, was only that, a desire.  Perfection was not going to, nor is it ever going to happen.  

Ok.

Let me stop here for a second.  I think you and I need to allow this statement to just sink in.  

Perfection is never going to happen.

Our desire for perfection and control, literally sends our spirit out into a realm of frenzy because we were never meant to be perfect or in control of everything.  We were placed in this world with the Spirit of the Living God to lead us and guide us throughout our lives.  He is here to help us maneuver through the situations, ins and outs of life.  No matter how much we try to take the steering wheel, its not our place to be in total control.  

Think on this. 

When life is busy and we want to be…., we have a tendency to try to attempt to take the reins from God. We attempt to control life. We don’t do it purposely, but when we do this, hurry up and go “thing,” we are trying to take our lives out of the hands of God. He’s the one who makes this whole world function and yet, somewhere in our minds, we believe that we can do it better. No matter how sincere or humble we are, we have all done it at one point and time in our lives. Believe it or not, we do it again and again. Then we wonder why we are stressed.

We wonder why things don’t seem to be going right.

Where did the problems come from?

Taking our lives out of the hands of God, not following His will, trying life our own way…that’s where the frustration comes in. And no matter how giant or small of a moment it has been that we have found ourselves in this place, we have to come back.

We have to ask Him to forgive us. We have to push forward in His will, listening to His Spirit, and seeking His face. That’s it!

When we do this, with a sincere heart, laying it all before Him, He takes the reigns and fixes our lives, orders our steps, and makes life beautiful again.

That’s what the KING of the world does. He rules and reigns. He orders and fixes our hearts and our lives.

In short…maybe not so short…

Our desires send us out of whack.  The world is only doing what it does normally.  It is functioning chaotically and we are striving for it to have some sort of order.  Yet, in this process we forget that we are not all-powerful.  Perfectionism is not really an accurate picture of any human being on this earth.  It is simply and ideal.  And we all love ideals.  

Control is not really all that we perceive it to be.  It is simply that a perception.  We aren’t in control.

Yep!  I said it…

We aren’t in control.

Whether reactive or proactive, we are not in control.  It isn’t until we step into the will of God.  Taking our rightful place in His plan, using the power that has been given to us by God, through Christ, in pray and in faithful deed, that we are in control…with Him.

Faithful deed…

Not fearful actions.  We have to be living and walking in faith when we proclaim that this and that will be, expecting that it will be. 

Now…let’s do this.  

Let’s check ourselves with the word of God and see where we stand.  Let this be our continual endeavor…to be in right standing with God.

Please take a moment to read Psalm 19 below and the watch the video at the end of this post. 

The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork.
Day unto day utters speech,
And night unto night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech nor language
Where their voice is not heard.
Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their words to the end of the world.

In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun,
Which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
And rejoices like a strong man to run its race.
Its rising is from one end of heaven,
And its circuit to the other end;
And there is nothing hidden from its heat.

The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can understand his errors?
Cleanse me from secret faults.
Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;
Let them not have dominion over me.
Then I shall be blameless,
And I shall be innocent of great transgression.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

 

 I pray that you have been blessed by this and I look forward to hearing any thoughts that you have on control.  Has this spoken to you at all?  Do you find yourself in this place, ever? How do you handle it?  Do you handle it at all? 
 
Be blessed. 🙂 

Allowing the Word of God to Change Your Mind & Renew It

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If you are like me, living in the 21st century, which I assume by the fact that you are reading this, that you are, there are situations that come up all of the time that warrant your opinion.  This may not be a public warrant, but there is an inward conversation that takes place.

Just stop to think for a moment.

When changes are happening in your life, community, and the world, you have an opinion.  You may not clearly understand or express this opinion to anyone, but have it.  I want to ask you a question.  What is your opinion based on?  Is it based on facts, the past, your hurts, or the Word of God?

Some people would be inclined to say that their opinions are based on truth, but truth, unless godly is subjective.  There is THE truth, but most situations are base on an occurrence that can be understood differently depending on the perspective of the viewer.  This is now what I am asking you to consider.

I want you to think about the foundations of your opinions because I want to convince you that it is more prosperous to base your opinions on things that cannot be changed or shaken, like the Word of God…THE TRUTH.

I am currently working on a post to be published to this site because one of my readers asked me a question.  This question was an opinion based question, but the truth about me is that I try not to express my opinions unless I know the stand that the Bible takes on it.  Thus, I am taking a bit longer to write it, than I expected.

I have to research the topic and pray for guidance.  I learned this a long time ago.  When I had just gotten married and became a mother, I was full of my own opinions.  God was in the process of changing me and having my own opinions, based on my truth, made it hard for the change to transpire within me.  I found that I had to submit my will and opinions to the Lord, through the Word of God, in order for the change to happen.  That’s why I began to acknowledge my own opinions, but give myself permission to change them based on the word of God.

I found that I needed to have the authority of the unchanging Word to solidify my thoughts and beliefs.  No one can change God or the TRUTH of His Word.  When we stand on His solid foundation, we are strengthened and become confident in who He is and what He has said.  This in turn makes us better and renews our minds.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.  ~Romans 12:2

This renewal process that takes place within our minds changes our entire being.  Our lives become proving ground for the perfect will of God.  We become His living examples of what He finds to be acceptable and good.  This is hard to do when we are stuck in our own ways.

Don’t want to let go of your opinion?  That is what is going to continue to lead you all the days of your life.

If you are being lead by your own opinion, someone may come to you with their own truth.  That person may be more confident, older, or more experienced.  They may have a strong presence that commands your attention and demands you to reconsider their perspectives.  If this happens, you are or can become completely shaken.  Do you know what happens when you and your thoughts are shaken?  You become a double minded man.

For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.  ~James 1:7, 8

Do you remember that I was telling you about being more prosperous because of the fact that you have chosen to submit your opinions to the Lord?  Well this is where the prosperity comes in handy.  You can’t receive anything from God when you are double minded.

You are praying and praying.  Crying out to the Lord.  Yet, you see no fruit from your labor.

Do you wonder why? Well the Bible says that you ask amiss.  And a lot of times its because you asked, but you didn’t do what the Lord told you to do.  There is a prerequisite.  He tells you.  Do not be conformed to the world.  Renew your mind.  Do not expect anything from the Lord, when you have chosen to be double-minded and unstable in your ways.

You have to choose the Lord’s way.

Do you want Him to open doors for you or do you want to go beating down the doors yourself?

I would choose to allow the Lord to do it.  I’ve tried it the other way and it doesn’t work.  When you beat on doors, you hurt your hands and your feelings get hurt.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  ~Joshua 1:8

Do you see that?  You have to meditate on the word of God.  You have to keep it in your mouth, both day and night.  You have to watch and observe to do all that it says.  This is how you will prosper.  Not by following every wind of doctrine of every so called celebrity or successful guru that comes your way.  Not even from being strong and wise in your own eyes.

Start listening to people that base their foundational thoughts and lives upon the word of God.  People who don’t mind saying that they were wrong.  People who do as they believe.

As you fill your mind, time, and relationships according to the Word of God, doors will open.  You will see that your life will take a new turn.  You will be more satisfied and, I know, that you will be changed for the better.

If you are wondering how to get started with this process, I suggest that you simply spend time reading the word of God.  From there you can begin to hear and recognize the voice of God.  Then you will be ready to study the word.  Just remember that becoming the woman that God desires you to be is not a quick journey.  It is a lifetime full of experiences that change as you change and are obedient to the Lord.

Until next time, thanks for reading.  I hope you were encouraged.

On Matters of the Heart: The One Who Hurts

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Last time that we discussed hurt, we took a look at the person who is hurt.  We looked at what needs to be done in order to move forward from a place of being hurt.  We discussed boundaries and the need for wise Counsel, as you are moving from the place of being hurt and offended to being free and forgiving.

Today, I want to take a look and the other side of that hurt coin.  The one who hurts.

Now, if you have experienced being hurt and have not, whether you tried to or not, dealt with it in the proper manner, the pain of the hurt was able to seep into our heart.  If this happened you allowed bitterness and anger to become wedged within the chambers of your heart.  If this is true, you may have found that your actions, words, and even your thoughts have begun to change.

The truth is that we are all, in many ways, a product of our environment.  The things, situations, and people that interact with us on a daily basis or even on an occurrence, have an opportunity to plant seed in to our hearts that can quickly take root. I believe that this is why God tells us in His word to guard our hearts with all diligence,  (Proverbs 4:23) for out of it flows the issues of life.  He didn’t say that out of it will flow all of the great dreams of our lives.  No, He said that our issues would come out of our hearts.

Not only will our issues come our of our hearts, but if there is goodness within us that will come out.  Yet, if there is evil within us, that will come out too. When we are dealing with or have buried pain from hurtful situations, issues… they will also come out of our mouths.

For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

If you take a moment to think about it, it is not only our actions that hurt people, but it is often our words, as well.  We speak damaging words to other people, without even realizing that what we have said has the capacity to destroy them, in many ways.  If we were to view things from God’s eyes, we would see that our tongues are swords, cutting others on the way in and on the way out.  Leave it to a heart that is hurting and the target will not only be broken, but demolished.  If you can recognize yourself in these words, I want to tell you that you are not alone.  It is just a sign that you are hurt.

Why?

Well, you’ve heard this before, but it’s really true.  Hurt people, hurt people.

They do it unknowingly, most of the time.  It starts with the pain that is within them and needs to be let go of, but because of unforgiveness, the hurt turns in to a weapon.  In many ways, the hurt person is simply trying to protect herself from other forms of hurt, without realizing that the chosen weapon of protection is not a shield, but a sword.  This is when problems arise.

If you have found yourself in this place, let me tell you that you don’t have to stay here.  Perhaps you have been hurting people, unawares.  Maybe you aren’t even to the place of hurting people yet.  You are just thinking thoughts, that if they came out of your mouth or would be acted upon, would hurt someone.  If this is you, please, please keep reading.

The first thing to do is to declare that you will be honest with yourself and with God, no matter what you find out about yourself.

The second thing to do is to ask for forgiveness.  You are asking forgiveness for hurting others.  Next, forgive.  Forgive yourself and the person/people that hurt you.  You may have to go back to the situation and think about what happened.  You may have to journal it and hash it out, but you need to get to the root of your problem, so that forgiveness can happen.  Finally, you have to commit to renewing your mind and being a doer of the word.

God wants to bring about a change in your life, but He will not force His goodness upon your life, if you are not interested in having it.  When you are a person that hurts others, you know that it comes from your past.  It comes from your own brokenness.  It comes from fear.  It comes from desiring control.  You have to be willing to let these things go in order to be set free.

If you are reading this, and don’t quite understand this position, God bless you.  However, I honestly believe that we have all been in a place like this, at one point in out lives or another.  Maybe you could not recognize it, when in it.  Maybe you did.  We are all different, but I truly believe that we are all similar in this.  None of us, really want to remain in this place.

So, what’s next?

Well, I suggest that you pray.

  1. Pray for the person that hurt you and pray for yourself.(Luke 6:28)
  2. Trust God to fight your battles.(Romans 12:19)
  3. Renew your mind daily. (Romans 12:2)
  4. Practice what you read and don’t just read it.(James 1:22)

If you do this things, you will move from the place that you are in now, to the place where you desire to be, free from the pain and free to love.

Great Expectation

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This morning I woke up with a great expectation. It just feels like a new beginning.

Throughout this week, my oldest son was sick and I wasn’t feeling too great, but I thank God for my husband, who kept the house running smoothly. I took sometime, while resting to think and reflect on life and the direction that I’m headed in.

Reflection is something that I do pretty often, but something was different about this time. As I read and reflected, the same encouraging thoughts kept coming to mind. These words were present in the books that I read. Believe it or not, when I went to social media, I found the same message being spoken to my heart again and again.

It was like God wanted me to know and understand something.

With this, a great expectation began to build within me. I realized that there is so much that I am capable of. I have been viewing myself in certain ways that have limited my abilities. I have searched for validation, when all I really needed was a yes from God. I have tried instead of just doing the thing, and all this has led me to a place of frustration.

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All of my life, I have been told not to quit. I have heard people say that I should not give up. Yet, I have come to realize time and time again that there are times when we should all give up on a thing.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

That’s right! There is a time to persevere and a time to call it quits.

When we give up on one thing, we are able to passionately pursue something else. We cannot have all of our attentions divided all of the time. That lack of focus and consistency will lead to incompletion and ineffectiveness.

None of us want that.

Soooo…

When I heard, repeatedly, throughout the past week that the season for one thing had ended and the time for another had begun, I was filled with excitement. A joy began to fill my heart and I felt my strength renewed.

Today, I am walking in the newness of my great expectation.

I want to encourage you to take a look around you. What is the thing that you are doing, that have come to the end of its season? Is it time to move on to something else? Have you been trying to persevere in something that requires you stop trying…think about it.

If you hold on to something that you have to let go of, your efforts are in vain…

I want you to be filled with the same type of expectation that I have been filled with. There maybe something that you keep hearing repeatedly, but you aren’t sure how to apply it. Take sometime to write it down and reflect on it a bit. I am sure that it will begin to make sense to you.

Trust God and know that He is working it out for you.

I hope that you find this helpful. Remember, it is completely fine to call it quits on one thing so that you can focus your attention and efforts on something else.

Seasons change and with that great expectation comes…

Use Your Voice

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Over the past few weeks, I have struggled. I have been praying and seeking God about the direction that He wants me to go in.

I have been blessed with talents and abilities. I have been given opportunities and chances to do such wonderful things. Yet it is very important to me that I fulfill my purpose.

A few years ago, I sat down and wrote out my mission statement. However, knowing my mission does not mean that everything will go the way that I think it will go. Over the past few years I have heard God call me to a place where He desires to use me to help others. Now, as I wait in Him to work it all out, I am tested and tried by life.

I have fought battles in my mind. Thoughts that challenge my existence. They challenge my call. They challenge my abilities, talents, and relationships. I have had to listen to the Holy Spirit within me. He says that I am here for a reason; I am called and chosen; My talents, abilities, and relationships are all purposefully blessed.

In this, I find myself thankful. I might not have it all together. Yes, I am walking it out, but there is one thing that I have learned over the past few years.

I have a voice

God has given me a voice. He has blessed me with a strong one too. So, I choose to use my voice for good. I choose to use my voice to encourage you. I use my voice to bring Him glory.

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Today, I want to encourage you to do the same thing. If you feel like you have it together, ask yourself if you are using your talents, abilities, and voice to bless others.

If you are like me and you are watching God put it all together, I challenge you to find your voice and use it to bless someone else. Use your struggles and challenges. Allow them to make you strong. Not just strong enough to recover from the battles that you have fought. Let them make you strong enough to strengthen, encourage, and motivate someone else.

I hope you find this helpful.

As you watch God, use your voice…