Its not easy…
It never has been.
When there are things to on my schedule, the first thing that I do is take care of my family. There isn’t anything wrong with that. The problem comes in when I have other things to do that are a little intimidating and I procrastinate. I start looking for other things to do. Not purposely, but it happens. I really want to do the really hard things. I really want to just “knock them out,” but the truth is, its not that easy.
When faced with a the hard tasks, I end up lagging behind because I am intimidated. They become extremely daunting. Here is the thing that puts the icing on the cake, the tasks aren’t that hard. The problem is that I have put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, that I can’t reach this goal.
Now this isn’t something that is abnormal for many people. I am just choosing to admit it openly. In the past I have wanted to deal with it privately, but I am realizing that it is something that many people deal with. I have found that mind mapping helps me a lot. I downloaded an app on my iPad that allows me to freely mind-map anything.
This school work isn’t going to kick my butt. The laundry isn’t going to knock me down. Any other task that I desire or need to do, will have to take a step back because I’m going to overcome this. I am going to take a deep breath, open my calendar, mind map, and get started. It doesn’t matter how long it takes me. The important thing is that I’m doing it.
I remember a time when I wasn’t like this. I had no problem with starting and finishing. I still had really high standards, but at that time life was a little bit different. At that time, I had one or two children. When my third child came, it became really hard for me to achieve my goals. It isn’t because of my child. Oh no! It’s because of the amount of things that I became responsible for over night. It has taken some time for me to regroup.
Little things are no longer an issue. What is an issue thought is my school work. I used to be an “A” student. I still am, but with an “A” comes tons of pressure from no one else, but me. I pressure myself so much, that it almost becomes impossible to complete my work. I received a graded paper from one of my professors recently. Now I am a senior in college working on a degree in English. Here I am waiting on a response. She tells me that my paper was good, but it should have been put together better. It was chopped to bits by her compute.r. I almost cried when I read it. I thought it was really good, but I guess she thought otherwise.
No, I don’t normally take the time to really express my thoughts here, but this is my site. I need to find a way to express myself in a way that is positive and progressive. This may be the last time I do it…well, we’ll see about that. I do know that I won’t be really intimate because it may be too much, but as a mom, honestly I need to do this…as a woman. It may seem like I’m rambling and I just might be, but I need to ramble for a bit. I have a paper to do and a discussion board to post. I am trying to get this out so it isn’t in my mind anymore.
Yes this is me, encouraging myself. It isn’t going to be easy. Nothing worth anything ever is…but I am going to give it all that I’ve got and pray for guidance and strength to get the job done…
You can do it too!
(Photo from KAPPBOOM)