Recently I have been talking to a couple different mothers about mothering. As I listen to them talk about their kids and their relationships with them, I realize that there are some things that I just don’t think or feel the same as they do…about. I don’t know if that makes any sense. It’s not that we disagree, but instead we don’t see eye to eye because our experiences are different.
For instance, one of the motheres expressed that she doesn’t want to breastfeed her baby past the age of one. I’m sure that many mothers feel this way, and this is their choice, but I don’t feel the same way. Each of my children weaned themselves. It wasn’t when I was ready, but instead when they were ready to stop that we stopped. So I have breastfed up until 11 months, 13 months, and 15 months. I also have a newborn, so I’m not sure how long I will nurse this time.
Another mother that I talked with expressed the fact that she can’t wait for her children to go to bed. By this I mean both nap time and bed time. As she explained this to me, it seemed that she was saying she waits for those times of day because things get to stressful.
I haven’t felt this yet. I have times throughout the day when I know that both my children and I need some personal time. These are moments throughout the day when, we each pull away and have some solitary time doing whatever we desire, within reason of course. I think this is what stops me from waiting for the moment when they will go to sleep. I actually enjoy the company of my children. Yet I think that a mother in a different stage of life may not want to be around her children as much. Especially if she isn’t doing what she needs to do for herself. I always take time for me. Even if it’s just a simple moment in the bathroom with the door locked…emphasis on the door being locked. Without these moments away, I would be no good to myself or my children. I think I would even come to a point of despising them for a lack of personal space. Do I think that’s a normal reaction? Yes I do. Do I think this has happened to this mother? Not yet, but if she isn’t careful it could happen.
Look let’s face it, we all have struggles. I know I do, but it’s the way that we deal with them that’s important. If I found myself in a situation where my thinking was always negative, I would do all that I could to fix it…aka get a new perspective on things.
This is what I’ve seen when talking with these women or even observing others. We have to be willing to think of the other side…the brighter side of things. No one is wrong in this situation, but there is a different way to see it. Each mom is different and so is her experience. Yet, it is our jobs as moms to make each experience the best. Why? It’s simple. We only get to raise each child one time. There won’t be another opportunity for breastfeeding them from birth again. That bond can only be built once. There is no coloring or dancing with them at age 2 or 4 again. I have to make sure that this experience that we have a memorable one. Not because I hated it, but because I enjoyed the moments no matter how wild the ride was…it has to be a good one.
It is my hope that other moms can think the same way. Don’t miss out in those great moments with your kids because you had the wrong perspective. Change the filter in your lens and see it a little different.