Today was a day like many others. It was full of ups and down, backs and forths, and plenty of heres and theres. To the average reader that may not make sense, but to a mother like myself it is very understood. We had a wild ride today. It was packed with adventure and and mystery, comedy and drama…I must not forget about the action and suspense. There is always action and suspense in my house, with my two boys. Yet among all of the wonderful stories to tell, there is mine.
I am the mom and the wife. I’m the one who participates in every storyline. I always have a role to play. And although it can be tiring and stressful, it is also a blessing. I guess I would say, behind the main story, I had my own. I had my moments of excitement and frustration; of sheer awe and pleasure. My daughter’s laughter and my sons’ personalities gave me more entertainment than I could have imagined for the day, but that isn’t surprising. I must not forget my husband. He had much to offer in our busy day. From romance to disagreements, to settling it with a nice uninterrupted shower for me and dinner that I didn’t have to cook,pizza. What a nice opportunity to relax?! How could I refuse His offer? There was a truce and no need to be upset, thank God. No really! I thank God for everything that He has given me. Although at times it may seem like too much to bare, I know that it isn’t. I have been supplied with great amounts of grace for this season that I am in…and I’m thankful.
So, in my moments of uneasiness, I do what comes naturally…I write. I write how I feel and what I think. If I don’t write, the thoughts that come to my mind tend to sound as if they need to be written somewhere. I enjoy many things, but writing is one that soothes me. It helps me to be calm and move forward. I knit also, but many times the pen is mightier than the needle.
I read an article from a 2006 blog post on 5 minutes for mom and it encouraged me. I had not had the courage to truly say what I wanted to say in my blog. I wasn’t sure how I should put it. Yet when I read this post, I understood that it didn’t matter. I didn’t…I don’t have to have it all together. That is what makes me special. I just have to allow God and my faith in Him, to work in me and through me. It’s ok if I don’t understand right now, or anybody else for that matter. What matters most is that I surrender to Him and offer up my life and my story as a living sacrifice.
Now to all of you who aren’t fans of Christianity and faith, I must say that you should try it. When we as moms are raising our children there are so many things that we deal with that can utterly tear us apart. We love our little ones, but there are times when we just don’t feel equipped. I feel that way sometimes, but I am never left that way. I stumbled across that article for a reason. I want to be helpful to others. I don’t just want to be something to talk about. I want to be uplifting even if we, my reader and myself, don’t really feel that way all the time. Yet in order for that to happen I have to look at life through a glass of half full, instead of half empty. That isn’t an easy task at all. The trials of life attempt to weigh me down and there are some words that are thrown around. Depression is one. I am determined to stay free from depression. I will not be depressed or any state of being related to it. I may feel sad at times, but that sadness will not rule or govern my life. I have talked to different women this month that talked of being depressed and I know what they are feeling, but I will not surrender to those feelings and allow them to rule my life. I choose to live. See my kids need me and so does my husband. My friends and my family members need me…and I need them. We have each other for a reason. And so like Janice said in her article.
“God is calling me to live out a life of faith in the details.
Yes, there will inevitably be huge hurdles ahead. My faith will be challenged and rocked, my heart torn apart. But for this moment, I am to model faith for my son and my family daily, from morning till night, no matter what the day includes. (Now maybe that is a huge thing!)
I must choose to actively live out my faith in the hidden hurdles that challenge me before I even see them coming – when I am tempted to argue with my husband instead of offering grace, when I am weary and ready to grumble, when I am lazy and don’t bother to pray, when I am too busy and I miss my child’s request to play with him, when I am angry and I lose my temper…
A life of faith is tested in many ways and the defining moments are not always where we expect them to be. We may rise to meet a huge Goliath and then stumble on our way home, revealing a faithless heart.
As mothers, we are tested every second it seems. Many days I have lost my patience before I even get out of the house. And yet little, impressionable souls watch and learn from us! We are modeling an active faith for them.
Blessed by this insight, I got up and made my way downstairs to my laptop, realizing that I may not have one battle ahead of me tomorrow, but many. I will need to gather many stones for my slingshot and then walk forward, alert and ready to fight each temptation that gets ready to take down my faith.
And these battles matter, not only for me, but also for my child who is watching and taking notes.”
This is my Reflection